Erin Leaf: The First Time is the Sweetest

He stepped back into the den. “Here, take off your shoes, come in, and I’ll tell you. We might as well be comfortable instead of standing in the doorway.” Jimmy dropped onto the end of the leather couch that sat against the wall. The shades were drawn and a stack of books lay haphazardly strewn along the top of the coffee table, but there was enough light for her to watch the muscles of his chest flex as he stretched one arm along the smooth leather. He picked up an old tennis ball with his other hand, rolling it back and forth across his palm as he waited for her to come closer. She stared at his biceps and chewed on the inside of her cheek as she tentatively stepped into the room. His eyes dropped to her lips and she shivered when he leaned back and propped his feet near the books, almost knocking a few over the side.

“Okay,” she replied, trying to drag her eyes away from all the pretty muscles. Get a grip, Sabrina! She dropped her purse and shoes near the desk. She’d always felt comfortable in this room, but now her breath caught just from looking at Jimmy. She wrenched her eyes away from him and contemplated the books that lined three walls of the den. Her dad worked long hours as a lawyer, but whenever she had trouble with her homework, he never hesitated to put aside his work to help. Now, however, she felt anything but relaxed. Her legs trembled as she walked to the couch, and she knew her face was pink. She had no idea what Jimmy wanted, and he was so handsome she couldn’t think straight. Her heart pounded, and she hoped he couldn’t tell how nervous she was. For a second, seeing his eyes drop to her lips again, she wondered if Jimmy wanted to kiss her; then his gaze shifted. She wished he would kiss her. She bet he’d be better at it than Darrin.

She willed her skin to cool, thinking about her dad and homework in a last-ditch effort to control her libido, but her plan backfired as soon as she noticed Jimmy’s bare toes. She flushed again. She even liked his feet! She jerked her eyes up to find him laughing at her as though he knew exactly what she was thinking. She tried to control her face, but she was sure he could see how uncomfortable it felt walking into the quiet room. While he waited for her, he tossed the tennis ball into the air, up and down, up and down, before finally setting it aside near his feet. It rolled to the floor, and she jumped as it bounced.

“Come on, I don’t bite,” Jimmy urged, patting the couch. “At least not all the time.” Sabrina smiled and stepped closer. Jimmy waited for her to sit down. She settled herself gingerly. She didn’t know what to do with her hands and finally just shoved them into her jeans’ pockets, cursing to herself as she sunk into the sofa’s soft cushions. Her elbows stuck out awkwardly. Jimmy waited until she’d yanked them out of her pockets, his smile gentling as she tried to settle. She forced herself to stop fidgeting and looked at him inquiringly, folding her hands together in her lap.

“I just wanted to say again that I’m sorry I slipped up in the kitchen.” Jimmy winced. “Well, actually not that sorry, but um—” he broke off and ran his fingers through his hair.

Sabrina watched, fascinated at this stuttering and unexpectedly vulnerable side of the self-assured man she knew. When it didn’t seem like he was going to speak again, she took a deep breath. “What are you trying to say?” she prompted. She remembered that night in the kitchen, the slight roughness of his palm against her breast, and her stomach flipped as heat flashed through her. Jimmy stared at her, silent. He opened his mouth, then seemed to think the better of it and closed it again, sighing. A crooked smile lifted the side of his mouth. Sabrina was confused. Why wasn’t he speaking? “Just spit it out, okay? We’re close enough friends to not have to stumble around talking, right?” She squirmed on the couch and dropped her eyes as she heard him chuckle.

“Okay,” Jimmy agreed, relaxing into the soft cushions.

Sabrina waited, trying to be patient. She heard the smile in his voice and stole a glance at him, looking up from where she’d twisted her hands together in her lap. He straightened up a bit, and then, unexpectedly, he shifted closer. What is he doing? she wondered, trying not to blush again when he gently tugged on her hands, taking them in his and massaging the palms with his thumbs absentmindedly. It felt good. She had to fight not to jerk away as the low flick of arousal she’d been feeling suddenly spiked. She hoped he couldn’t tell how hot she was, praying the low lighting would disguise her flush as he looked directly into her eyes.

“I want you to know that although I didn’t mean to slip my hands under your halter, I don’t regret it. You’re an adult now,” Jimmy said quietly. “And beautiful.” Sabrina shivered, his soft voice sending sparks through her body. Then she realized what he said and stared at him in surprise. He thought of her as an adult? Wow. She dropped her eyes, and Jimmy shifted in his seat again, moving closer until his knee fell against hers. Was it intentional? Heat built between her legs.

“Then, when I saw you come in tonight, looking shaky and flustered, your blouse missing a button, I got so angry. I didn’t know what happened and—”

“Nothing happened!” she interrupted, disgruntled as she remembered her date. “All I wanted was a kiss.” Jimmy cocked his head as she spoke and let go of her hands. Sabrina smoothed her palms down her thighs, then stopped as she caught him watching.

“Sounds like you’re more disappointed than upset,” he mused. She nodded, still thrown by his statement about being “an adult.” He reached for her again, and she let him pull her forward. Their knees bumped, and Sabrina felt the heat of his body through the denim. She blushed, sneaking a look at his face just as he moistened his lips. Did he know how attractive he was?

Jimmy continued. “Well, I’m sure you got the whole safe sex lecture in school and all that stuff, but I just wanted you to know that if you have any specific questions, you can come to me. I know the things they cover aren’t really good at explaining how it really feels.” Sabrina inhaled sharply, then coughed in disbelief. Her eyes darted everywhere before settling on his jeans, where the fabric pulled tautly over his groin. Did he really mean it? Could she ask him anything? She dragged her eyes back up across his chest, then decided to take a leap and ask, reasoning that embarrassment never killed anyone. He smiled at her encouragingly.

Sabrina took a deep breath. “Um, my date tried to kiss me tonight, and I really wanted to see what it was like to, you know, really kiss and all that, not just a peck on the cheek, and then before I knew it, he’d stuck his tongue down my throat, and it was all slobbery and disgusting. And I should know all this stuff by now, I mean, I’m probably the oldest girl who’s never been kissed!” she blurted, then covered her face with her hands, embarrassed beyond endurance. She was such a ninny!

“No, no, don’t hide, it’s okay,” Jimmy said gently, leaning over and pulling her hands away from her face.

“I’m so embarrassed,” she moaned. Ugh!

Jimmy smiled. “Don’t be! It’s a perfectly reasonable question, and to tell you the truth, most people don’t figure out what the hell they’re doing until they attempt the stab-and-swallow approach enough times to realize that slow is really the better way to do it,” he said. Stab and swallow? Sabrina couldn’t help but chuckle at his apt description. He laughed in response, and they both relaxed.

“So, how do they do it?” she asked. Could she hope that he would demonstrate? Sabrina looked at his face and couldn’t keep her eyes from wandering down to his full lips. He was no longer smiling, but when she dragged her gaze back up to his eyes, his whole face quirked into an irreverent grin just as he leaned toward her, stopping when his mouth was only a breath away from hers. Was he going to kiss her?