Erin Leaf: The First Time is the Sweetest

“Well, since you’re so pretty, men can’t help looking at you the same way you look at a good-looking man,” Jimmy replied. She flushed and stared at his bare chest, his two flat brown nipples directly at eye level, the silver of a nipple ring glinting in one. She was afraid to look into his face. Distracted by his compliments, she found her mind wandering. What would he do if I licked him, right now? she thought, moistening her lips. Her eyes flew up to meet his when he raised her hands and gently kissed the backs of her fingers. He was looking right at her, his whiskey-brown eyes smiling into hers, the corners crinkled with good humor. She felt a tingle all the way to her toes. She still didn’t quite believe he thought she was beautiful, but from the way he was looking at her, she was nearly convinced.

“Um, we’d better get back to dinner or we’ll starve tonight,” Jimmy said.

Sabrina took a deep breath as he turned and walked to the stove. She hoped the awkward situation was over. She could barely function as she went to the refrigerator to pull out the salad, she felt so clumsy. As she moved toward the sink to rinse the lettuce, her eyes dropped to his long legs and elegant feet. She couldn’t stop looking at him. She’d never noticed before what attractive legs he had. She grew warm all over again. This was ridiculous! How were they supposed to live in the same house for three months if she kept stammering and flushing every time she looked at him? Sadly, she’d never learned how to flirt or joke and now felt completely undone with the intensity of this attraction she felt for Jimmy.

By the time dinner was ready, she had managed to relax, and they had a pleasant meal. Then they watched a movie together and Sabrina went to bed, congratulating herself on her calm. Whew! If she could manage to be normal around Jimmy the rest of the summer, things would be okay—except, she didn’t know how she was going to do it. She’d always known he was handsome, even as a young girl, but now it felt as though every moment they spent together sizzled with sexual awareness. She didn’t know how to handle it. She’d never dated. She was the nerdy girl in class and hadn’t even kissed anyone yet. Even worse, she knew Jimmy was bi and totally open about his sexuality, and she felt completely intimidated by his confidence. And what would she do if he brought someone home with him this summer? What if he brought a guy home? How would she keep her cool if that happened?

After a week passed, the awkwardness Sabrina felt with Jimmy because of the kitchen incident faded, due in no small part to his easygoing nature and her determined cheer. She convinced herself that she had to stop crushing on him and finally went out with Darrin, a guy she knew from school who had asked her out several times. She wasn’t really interested, but also didn’t want to go off to grad school in the fall with no idea how to function on a date. So what if I don’t find Darrin all that attractive? she told herself determinedly. She couldn’t mope around the house all summer. And it was ridiculous. She was old enough to drink and vote, but she’d never been kissed?

Darrin took her to a movie. When it was over, they drove up the mountain on the west side of town and parked to watch the sunset, standard date fare for her town. As they sat on the hood of his car, watching the light fade, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. She jumped, startled, and he pulled back, frowning. She looked at him, considering, then leaned in and kissed him on the lips. Unfortunately, Darrin took her quick peck as an invitation for more, ramming his tongue into her mouth while simultaneously trying to stick his hand down her blouse, popping a button despite her protests. Ugh! She shuddered and shoved him away. I bet Jimmy doesn’t kiss like that , she thought, flushing as she fended off Darrin’s meaty hands yet again. And really, what was she doing, thinking about Jimmy while on a date with someone else? She shook herself and hopped off the car. Darrin protested, but eventually gave in and left her alone as she continued to back away. Maybe I should skip the whole dating thing , she decided as he drove her home, glaring at her every time they stopped at a red light. She ignored him, wishing she’d never agreed to this.

When Darrin finally dropped her off, she snuck into the house hoping Jimmy wouldn’t hear. She couldn’t think of anything more humiliating than having Jimmy know how badly her one and only date had gone. She tiptoed through the door, trying to keep it from closing too loudly, knowing he’d be working in her dad’s den since he’d told her he had an article due tomorrow. Of course, no such luck. As soon as she latched the front door behind her, he looked up and immediately knew something was wrong.

“What happened?” he asked, shutting his laptop. She grimaced as he walked around the desk and into the foyer. She didn’t think she looked that shaken, but he must have sensed that her date didn’t go as well as she’d hoped. She shook her head, not answering. How could she tell Jimmy, this unbelievably gorgeous guy, how much she’d hated kissing Darrin?

“Look, if he did something to hurt you, just let me know and I’ll have a word with him.” Jimmy came closer, frowning.

She sighed. “No, no, he didn’t hurt me. Things just didn’t turn out like I expected,” she assured him, shifting her weight. Sabrina wanted to go upstairs and wash her face and forget about the entire night. Unfortunately, before she could move past him, Jimmy glanced down at her blouse and spied the missing button. She’d forgotten all about it in her hurry to get home and brush her teeth.

“What’s this?” Jimmy asked, voice low. He ran a finger down her blouse until he came to the thread where the button used to hang.

Sabrina’s heart pounded as his hand hovered inches from her breast. She swallowed. Darrin’s kiss was revolting, but the finger Jimmy ran down her blouse just made her want more, despite the anger she could see on Jimmy’s face. She could tell he was upset about the torn button, but she didn’t know what to say. She longed to confide in him, like she used to when she was younger, but what she really wanted, more than comfort, was for Jimmy to kiss her. Of course, she couldn’t tell him that. And did she really want him to know how horribly her experimental date had turned out? Maybe Darrin wasn’t the problem. Maybe she was the one who’d ruined it. After all, it was her first kiss, and she didn’t really know what to do. She looked at Jimmy and stammered, “I’m not sure I want to talk about it—”

Jimmy smiled gently. “If you don’t want to tell me about it, I understand, but I care about you and don’t want to see you get hurt. If this guy did anything to hurt you, I want to know.” Sabrina nodded, her face red. He touched her chin and gently tipped her face up. “You don’t have to tell me right away, and I trust you to take care of yourself, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need me.” He poked at the loose string on her blouse in emphasis. Sabrina shivered and looked away. “Ever since I goofed up in the kitchen last week, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. And maybe I can even help you out a bit.” He rubbed his fingers on her blouse, smoothing the puckered spot with the missing button before looking into her face.

Sabrina felt certain Jimmy saw her blush as she remembered the kitchen, the way his hands felt on her skin that day. She watched his eyes dilate, and then he ran his hands over his face and head, making his hair stick out in every direction. She smiled, despite her unease. He looked adorable and insanely handsome at the same time. She wanted to touch his hair and smooth it back down. Her fingers twitched. She hooked her thumbs into her waistband. “What did you want to talk to me about?” she ventured finally as he hovered uncertainly in front of her.