Kelly Jamieson - Lost and Found

Cam blinked, her margarita clutched in her hand.

Krissa squeezed her own drink tightly, the icy-cold glass slick under her fingers. “You have a husband who loves you. Who doesn’t cheat on you. You love him, too. Don’t complain about not having sex. You sleep with him every night. If you want sex—then tell him you want sex.” She almost choked on the words that spilled out of her.

“And don’t…please don’t complain about those beautiful children you have.” Oh, dammit, she was going to cry. Here she’d thought she could get mad and express her anger. But no, the tears had to flow. She swallowed.

“You are so lucky to have three gorgeous children,” she continued fiercely. “Yeah, being a mom is hard, but it’s the most important thing you can ever do. You’re a good mom, Cam, but sometimes I worry you’re going to do to your kids what my mom did to me.”

Cam stared at her. “Which is…?”

“Blame me for everything wrong in her life. My mother wanted to have a high-powered business career, but gave it up because she was pregnant with me. She could never work because she had kids. Her life is a disappointment to her. Not what she dreamed of. And it’s all my fault.”

Cam’s mouth opened into a horrified O. “That’s not true, Krissa.”

Krissa waved a hand. “Whatever. I just don’t want you blaming your kids for what’s wrong in your life. If you don’t like it—fix it. But don’t sit there and complain about it when you have everything…” a sob tore out of her. “Everything I’ve ever w-wanted.” She dragged her index finger under her eye.

“I never…knew you felt that way,” Cam whispered. She leaned forward and set down her drink, clasped her hands. She looked at the floor. “I don’t complain that much. Do I?”

“Yes. All the time. It drives me crazy.” There. She’d said it. Their friendship was likely over. Cam would storm out with her bottles of margarita mix and she’d never see her again.

“You want kids?” Cam lifted her head and gave Krissa a puzzled look.

“Yes.”

Their eyes met and held.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Derek and I…tried. For the last two years.”

“Oh, no.” Distress filled Cam’s brown eyes. “And you can’t get pregnant?”

Krissa shook her head. “I can. Derek can’t.”

“Oh. Oh, God. Is that why…you left him?”

“No. No, no. He cheated on me. Well, it’s a lot more complicated than that.”

“Tell me. We’re friends.”

Krissa searched Cam’s face. “Aren’t you mad at me? For telling you off?”

“No. I’m surprised. Not mad. If I’ve been a pain in the ass, you should have told me sooner. Krissa…we’re friends.” Cam reached for her hand. Cam’s fingers felt warm and Krissa knew hers must be freezing.

“I need you,” Cam continued, and at that Krissa started crying full-out. “What? What, Krissa? You’ll find someone else, someone who can give you a baby.”

“I already have,” she sobbed.

“Whaat?” Cam shook her head, the movie forgotten. “Already?”

“No.” Krissa took a deep breath. “If I tell you this, you’ll probably hate me.”

“No, I won’t. You just told me I’m a bitchy whiner, how much worse can it get?” She gave a tremulous smile.

“I never said that!”

“Yes, you did.” Krissa’s smile slipped. “Might as well have, anyway. It’s okay. Tell me.”

So Krissa told her everything.

“And—get ready for this—I just found out today…I’m pregnant.”

“Oh for shit’s sake,” Cam breathed.

“Yup.” Krissa smiled through her tears. “Pretty ironic, huh?”

“I suppose. I guess you can’t be very far…”

“Two months.”

“Oh, lord. But Krissa…it’s great! You wanted to be a mother. You’ll be a fantastic mother. It’ll be okay. Eric and I will do whatever you need—hey! I’ll be your labor coach. I’ve been through it a couple of times.”

Krissa choked on laugh, wiped her face with tissues she’d retrieved. “Thanks. That would be great. I…I’ll need some help.”

“Whatever we can do. You’ve done so much for me—coming and rescuing me when I’m having a breakdown. Cleaning my house while I’m at work. Listening to all my bitching and complaining. I’ll do anything for you.”

They shared a tearful, emotional hug.

“Anything?” Krissa asked.

“Of course.”

“Can you tell my mother?”

She’d been joking. In a way. Telling her parents she was pregnant wasn’t going to be fun. They were going to tell her to go back to Derek. They’d blame her for the marriage ending, somehow. Just like Derek had blamed her all along.

But after telling Cam how she felt, and ending up with a stronger bond between them, she felt a little more confident she could do it. She could stand up to her mother. She didn’t want to make Derek the scapegoat for everything, because, although she wasn’t willing to take all the blame for their marriage falling apart, she knew she’d had a part in it. But she wanted her mother to understand that she was not responsible for everything that had gone wrong.

How would she make her understand that without telling her the entire gut-wrenching tale? A tale her mother would find appalling.

Her insides twisted and churned as she drove to her parents’ home the following week. She’d been to the doctor, had her pregnancy confirmed. She had to tell them. She was going to need all the support she could get in the coming months, but if they wouldn’t…she could survive. She knew it.

She parked in the huge curved driveway at the front of the imposing house, feeling intimidated even though she’d lived there most of her life. She didn’t ring the bell, but opened one of the double doors into the spacious foyer with its marble-tiled floor, high ceiling and a chandelier dripping crystals. “Hello!”

“Krissa?” She heard the tap of her mother’s heels, then she appeared in the hall from the family room. “Hi! Come in, darling.”

Krissa closed the door behind her, took a deep breath. She and her mother gave each other a polite hug and then Krissa followed her down the hall. “Your father and I are just having an after-dinner drink. Come and join us.”

Well, there was a quick way to break the news.

“What would you like, Krissa? I’m having sherry.” Her mother held up a glass. “Or we have a very nice Sauvignon Blanc…”

“Nothing, thanks.”

“Nothing?” Her mother blinked.

“Well…do you have some iced tea, maybe?”

“Of course. I’ll get it.”

“Hi, baby.” Her dad stood and gave her a much warmer hug. “Haven’t seen you in ages. How’re you doing?” He searched her eyes with his green ones so like her own. Had his hair receded even more? Probably, but he still looked distinguished and handsome, even with his middle softening a little.

“I’m okay, Dad.” She smiled at him. “How about you? How’s work?”

“Oh, great.” He talked about interest rates and mortgages until Lizbeth returned with the glass of tea.

“Here you go.” She handed the glass over. “Have a seat. So, Krissa, are you okay? We’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m okay, Mom. Really.”

“I just can’t believe you and Derek…” She shook her head, the corners of her mouth turned down. “It’s such a shame.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Lizbeth fastened her gaze on Krissa. “Did he find out about…?”

Krissa waited. “About what?”

Lizbeth shot a glance at her husband. “About you and…Nate.”

“Nate?” her father put in with a frown. “What’s he got to do with this?”