Robert Asprin - Class Dis-Mythed

"No!" Tolk said. "You can't force us to take it."

"Force you?" Freezia snorted. "You wanted to take it. I could see it in your eyes."

"That's not true," the Canidian howled. "How about you? Perverts are greedy. Everyone knows it. Why don't you just take your shares? You know you want to."

"You liar," Jinetta said. "And that's Pervect!"

"In your dreams! Eating food that smells like garbage. That's perverted!"

"Yeah, you're such hypocrites," Melvine sneered. "Slurping down purple worms then it's 'oh, dear, look at that bug! It might crawl on me!'"

"You should talk, Mr. Fearless," Bee said. "What was with you when we first got to Humulus? You're the most powerful of us after Master Skeeve, and you kept bawling like, well, a baby!"

"I had Manticore nightmares as a kid, okay?" Melvine snarled.

"Back off him," Pologne said, her voice rising to a shriek. "Where were you when we were working on containing that beast? Running away yourself?"

Bee's face went pale under its freckles. "With respect, ma'am, I was following Master Skeeve's orders."

"You mean, because you couldn't do magik, right? Spellfree freak!"

I opened my mouth to say that Aahz had been without his magik for a few years, that he was no less formidable without it, but that wouldn't have made Pologne respect him or Bee any more than she did.

"You were sure buddying up with him before," Freezia said scornfully.

"How dare you suggest I'd make friends with a Klahd?"

"Hey," I protested.

In the blink of an eye, the good mood had been shattered. I didn't know how I had managed to ruin it, but the camaraderie had evaporated the moment I had emptied those coins out on the table. Distrust ran wild throughout the class, even between the Pervects.

"What is going on here?" Bunny asked. "Ten minutes ago you were friends. What happened."

They all turned to us, as if caught in the act.

"Oh, nothing," Pologne said, too brightly.

"Look at the time!" Jinetta said hastily. "Dinner soon! We'll go out and get supplies. I hope they still have some fresh sgarnwalds in the market at this hour, don't you, Freezia?"

"Let me pitch in," Melvine insisted, digging in his pocket for coins.

"And me, too," Tolk said. Bee opened his threadbare belt pouch and produced a couple of coppers, which he placed in Jinetta's palm.

"It's only right," Freezia explained to me and Bunny. "Whenever I stay with friends I always buy groceries. I almost never eat up their food. And we know what you like, too. It'll be good. I promise. Bye!"

Before I could reply, the three Pervects disappeared.

"Something is up," Bunny said. She turned to the three male students. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," Melvine said hastily. "Boy, I could sure use a nap." He vanished, the displaced air BAMFig behind him.

"Gotta go walk myself," Tolk added. He scampered out of the door.

"I, uh," Bee began then turned and quick-marched after the Canidian without finishing his sentence.

Bunny, Gleep and I were left alone in the big room.

"Something strange is going on here," Bunny said.

"I think they're just tired," I replied. "Don't be so suspicious."

Bunny narrowed an eye. ''You're too trusting. Tolk was right: Pervects never turn down free money. That's more than strange."

I sighed. "They're not all the same as Aahz. I found that out when I was on Perv. Maybe there is some code among MIP students not to take gifts from their teacher. Probably one of Professor Maguffin's rules. They're always quoting him."

"I don't know," Bunny said, tapping her foot on the floor impatiently. "I'm going to keep my eye on them. All of them."

"Gleep!" Gleep announced.

"Yes," I agreed, patting my pet on the head. "Me, too."

If I had thought the dinner at which I made them switch main courses was awkward, this one deserved a medal for going above and beyond the call of gut-twisting, in more ways than one. Almost as if they wanted to taunt the others, the Pervects, who sat together at one end of the big table, made a point of serving their food in small bites, making sure to give everyone a good look at each slimy, purple pseudopod dripping off the spoon. As promised, the food they brought back for the rest of us was fine, even delicious, though it was harder to enjoy with the nauseating whiff of Pervish cooking overwhelming us.

Melvine sat sniveling to himself during the entire meal. "Nobody likes me. I wring myself dry for them, and they make fun of me! I'm going to run away and go home."

I thought he was expressing the unspoken sentiments of the whole group fairly well.

"You're all selling yourselves and each other short," I said. "You just proved what I've been trying to tell you all along: the best thing you can do is learn to work together. You find one another's strengths and supplement them. That's true whether you're trying to survive in a wilderness situation or in a high-powered company. My associates and I couldn't be beaten because no one could drive a wedge between us. When you're busy cutting each other's throats, then it's easier for someone to sneak up on YOU."

"That's too simple," Tolk said. He remained civil to Bunny and me, though he growled whenever the others glanced his way.

"It's more complicated than it sounds," I said. "There are a lot of factors beyond a person's talents you have to take into consideration. Climate. Uh, personal phobias." That got a wince out of Melvine. I regretted hurting his feelings, but it was a valid statement. "Experience. Inclination. Willingness. You can be the greatest magician in the world, but if you won't get out there and try, you might as well have no magik at all."

"Hmmph," Pologne snorted.

"Look," I said. "We've all been through a lot in the last few days. I don't know about you, but I need a break. Everyone just enjoy themselves this evening. We'll start on some more exercises in the morning. All right?"

"Yes, sir," Bee muttered, not raising his eyes from his plate.

The others murmured their assent. I threw an exasperated glance at Bunny, who shook her head.

After the dishes were washed, I retreated to my study and hoped they'd take advantage of my absence to argue it all out and make peace. I set up an experiment with a couple of strange metallic elements I'd come across in a Bazaar trick shop, but I couldn't concentrate on it. I found I was straining to listen to what was going on in the rest of the inn. Except for the music and voices from Bunny's PDA in the next room, I heard nothing but furtive footsteps on the upper floor.

One tentative set tiptoed down the stairs, coming toward my study.

"Hey, Freezia, do you want to watch Sink or Swim with me?" Bunny called out.

"Uh, no, thanks, Bunny," the dainty Pervect said, almost in a gasp. I heard her feet patter back up the stairs to her room. I heard the murmur of hasty conversation above, then silence. No cheerful conversation, no joshing, no mutual admiration society. The rooms on the upper floor might as well have been vacant, except for the almost-visible waves of distrust that radiated out of them.

I pushed aside my experiment and sank my head into my hands.

What had I done wrong? I pored over the memory of the day over and over again, but I could recall nothing that seemed even remotely like criticism or an insult. I'd lived with a Pervect for years, so I thought I knew their thresholds of intolerance, which in Aahz's case mainly had to do with me being stupid. If I did something wrong out of innocence, he was pretty good about it; if I did something inane, he would flatten me for knowing better and not thinking. I had thought about the gesture of sharing the reward, all the way back from Humulus. Was I too late? Should I have divided up the spoils sooner? Had I been too cheap? Were they looking for a larger percentage of the take? They certainly had earned it. Now they were adamantly against taking any money at all.