Steven Campbell - Suck My Cosmos

I’d been beat up a lot in my life. It was kind of my occupation. But I had never been manhandled by someone so small, so easily. This went back to my idea that they were really Dredel Led.

If they were normal flesh and blood their bodies couldn’t hold the musculature to toss me around like that. It would rip their arms off to generate that much force. I mean, they didn’t even so much as strain or grunt when they were throwing me around.

And what were they doing out there? Was it random that they happened to see me? Were they tracking me because I saw them at the explosion? Were they looking to buy soup?

Cliston was still talking at me.

“…some stainless steel incisors that are dulled to a matte finish, so they aren’t unduly flashy.”

“I’m not buying teeth!” I barked, though it didn’t have much authority as the “th” sound gave a slight hiss. I sulked for a moment and Cliston handed me a silver tray.

“I have scheduled an appointment with Maris-To’s office per the City Council contract instructions. I strongly advise securing this job before they give it to someone else, sir.”

Cliston wasn’t one to strongly advise on anything. It must be worth a freighter full of money.

“Good enough,” I said.

“However, you are not going to present yourself to the City Councilman of the entire Food District with a missing tooth.”

I sighed.

“Pick something out, then.”

“As I said, he is coming tomorrow, sir.”

I felt like a tacky pimp, though that was a bit redundant.

Cliston had assured me that my new diamond tooth was the height of sophistication, but I just didn’t feel it. On the cab ride to Maris-To’s, I asked the driver what he thought of my new denture. He dodged by saying he had to keep his eyes on the road.

Maris-To’s mansion took up a whole city block in Food District and was thirty stories tall at its highest point.

The insides were imposing but comfortable. I had expected all kinds of food motifs, like bread and fruit and meat and synthetic beans. But there was no indication that this was anything other than the fantastically wealthy abode and office of a fantastically wealthy family.

His heraldry was an open eye with three pupils on a diamond plane. The eye had wavy lines extending from the bottom like eyelashes and sharp lines on top. Examples of this heraldry were embossed and emblazoned all throughout the building.

Scores of officials came and went and servants were abuzz buffing and scrubbing every corner and crevice. Once someone left the mansion, a servant was immediately deployed to remove the invisible footprints the person had made.

I clutched my contract like a shield. I never felt comfortable in places like this. I was always afraid they were going to find out I was a gutter thug and kick me out. These weren’t my people. I could wear the clothes and eat the food, but in my heart I felt like a fraud. I just wanted to hand in the signed contract and leave.

I was led by a servant through a series of elevators and rooms and finally deposited outside a set of massive double doors where I waited on a hard stone bench.

After some time, the doors were opened and I was allowed in.

Maris-To himself came out to greet me!

“Welcome to my humble home,” he said with a straight face.

I didn’t expect to meet Maris-To in person. I didn’t expect to meet any City Councilman in person.

Maris-To was a handsome, middle-aged man. He had a thin face and was dressed in lots of flowing, loose black clothes. He wore surprisingly little jewelry except a few small rings and a chain.

His most prominent feature was his luxurious, long white hair with layers of perfectly sculpted curls. It went down to his back. He wasn’t old enough for white hair and I suspected it was a genetic trait, a dye job, or a wig. I had seen pictures of him and his family with this hairstyle. It was a trademark of theirs. Literally, they had probably filed for trademark protection on that hair. I’m surprised he wasn’t perpetually staring at the ceiling because it seemed too heavy for his slim neck.

I checked to see if Maris-To had the three-pupil anatomical characteristic that his heraldry displayed, but he had normal brown eyes. Then again, heraldry possessed all kinds of weird meanings.

I thrust out the contract and smiled, then remembered my false tooth and closed my lips.

He looked down at the wrinkled papers briefly.

“Come in,” he said, not taking the contract and not touching me, though gesturing slightly.

I thudded into the office, which must have been nearly as wide as the whole building. I could make out distant paintings and sculptures and I think there was a gymnasium in the corner.

We sat on some very plush chairs that looked uncomfortable but they morphed to fit your body. After a moment, I felt a slight tingling.

“What…what’s that?” I asked, looking around.

“The chairs provide a light massage,” he said, and I could hear his voice vibrate.

“Oh. I have very dense skin. I won’t really feel it,” I said sadly.

“They are adjustable.” And he indicated the controls at the side of the chair.

I turned up the dial and I didn’t hear the next few sentences that Maris-To said. Not because of vibration, but because I had become stupefied with pleasing sensation.

I needed one of these chairs! I would have to tell Cliston. I was probably using half the electricity in Belvaille to stimulate my lower back, but it felt great.

I got the idea he was talking to me and he looked very serious, so I reluctantly turned off the chair.

“…to settle some disputes I have,” he said.

“What?” I asked. “Sorry, I was distracted by the chair. It’s great.”

“Would you like me to send you one?” he asked casually. “Cliston works for you, correct?”

Figures he knew my butler.

“Yes, sir.”

“Quite a coup securing his services. But it lets me know you appreciate the value of your servants. As do I.”

“Yes,” I said simply, as he made it clear I was supposed to respond and I didn’t want to disappoint someone who was giving me a chair.

“I was saying that I need you to handle some delicate issues on one of the outer ships in the System.”

“Uh, what about the contract?”

“It will still be in force. In fact, it allows me to use your services without undue attention,” he said.

I felt like I was walking in some dangerous territory and I didn’t understand where or why.

“Do you not want me to investigate the murder of Ray’Ziel?” I asked.

Maris-To gave me a slight smile.

“Hank, do you consider yourself an unintelligent person?” he asked.

How do you answer that? If he was a normal guy and this was a normal place, I’d take offense. But he wasn’t a normal guy and this sure as hell wasn’t a normal place.

“I do okay,” I hedged.

“Good. I wouldn’t want to think I was hiring a dull servant. It is obvious who killed the beloved Ray’Ziel,” he said.

And he ended, as if there was to be no further discussion. But the unintelligent in me just couldn’t leave it alone.

“It’s obvious?” I asked.

“Who were you working for prior to his death?”

I sat there thinking.

“It’s not a trick question,” he pushed. “Who was your most recent employer?”

“His wife?”

“His incredibly beautiful and youthful wife. His wife with exotic tastes who was married to an old curmudgeon who kept her on a short leash. A woman who couldn’t have her more outlandish impulses indulged due to political concerns. Who saw almost none of the vast riches that Ray’Ziel possessed. And who spent nearly every hour of the day locked in his home or attending him at some boring function or other.”