Adam Rex: Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

Здесь есть возможность читать онлайн «Adam Rex: Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story» весь текст электронной книги совершенно бесплатно (целиком полную версию). В некоторых случаях присутствует краткое содержание. категория: Ужасы и Мистика / Юмористическая фантастика / на английском языке. Описание произведения, (предисловие) а так же отзывы посетителей доступны на портале. Библиотека «Либ Кат» — создана для любителей полистать хорошую книжку и предлагает широкий выбор жанров:

любовные романы фантастика и фэнтези приключения детективы и триллеры эротика документальные научные юмористические анекдоты о бизнесе проза детские сказки о религиии новинки православные старинные про компьютеры программирование на английском домоводство поэзия

Выбрав категорию по душе Вы сможете найти действительно стоящие книги и насладиться погружением в мир воображения, прочувствовать переживания героев или узнать для себя что-то новое, совершить внутреннее открытие. Подробная информация для ознакомления по текущему запросу представлена ниже:

Adam Rex Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
  • Название:
    Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story
  • Автор:
  • Жанр:
    Ужасы и Мистика / Юмористическая фантастика / на английском языке
  • Язык:
  • Рейтинг книги:
    3 / 5
  • Ваша оценка:
    • 60
    • 1
    • 2
    • 3
    • 4
    • 5
  • Избранное:
    Добавить книгу в закладки

Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

Предлагаем к чтению аннотацию, описание, краткое содержание или предисловие (зависит от того, что написал сам автор книги «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story»). Если вы не нашли необходимую информацию о книге — напишите в комментариях, мы постараемся отыскать её.

Doug Lee is undead quite by accident — attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it's just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her — hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated — it's not as easy as studying . Especially when the star of is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

Adam Rex: другие книги автора

Кто написал Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story? Узнайте фамилию, как зовут автора книги и список всех его произведений по сериям.

Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story — читать онлайн бесплатно полную книгу (весь текст) целиком

Ниже представлен текст книги, разбитый по страницам. Система автоматического сохранения места последней прочитанной страницы, позволяет с удобством читать онлайн бесплатно книгу «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story», без необходимости каждый раз заново искать на чём Вы остановились. Не бойтесь закрыть страницу, как только Вы зайдёте на неё снова — увидите то же место, на котором закончили чтение.

Adam Rex

Fat Vampire:

A Never Coming of Age Story



DOUG CAME TO, lying on his back in what felt and smelled like a field. A gray, milky sky gaped over him. He took it in too quickly and fluttered his eyes.

Why was he on his back in a field? What was wrong with his chest? This last thought came suddenly as he sensed something pressing down on him. He lifted his head, and for a kaleidoscopic moment glimpsed the wooden stake in his heart before his vision swam black and his head hit the dirt again.

«Oh yeah,» he whispered. «Forgot.»

«You keep passing out,» said a voice. «You wake up, look at the stake, pass out again. But shouldn’t you be dead? I thought a stake through the heart was supposed to kill you.»

«It seems like a good…» wheezed Doug, «guess to me.»

High above, a crooked line of birds perforated the lightening sky. It was very cold.

«I think…I think sometimes you think you’re the hero of the story, and sometimes you think you’re the victim,» said the voice. «But you’re not either.»



My dork embrace

DOUG SAID, «Hi,» and the girl turned. The perfect girl with red hair and a nearly empty cup of yellow beer turned and looked at him. He tried to relax his eyes, take all of her in at once — the blue belly shirt, the bottomless cleavage — without appearing to ogle. He didn’t know her or practically anyone else at the party. She didn’t know him. She wouldn’t have any reason not to talk to him.

She found a reason. Look — it was all there on her face. She’d seen through his disguise — the hair gel, the too-tight shirt from Apparel Conspiracy. He was a completely surprising form of life, something that should not be at a party, shouldn’t be addressing her. A gorilla maybe, frantically signing Koko want kitten. Koko want kitten.

«What?» she said. Not superinviting.

«Hey. I’m Doug.»

She seemed hesitant to give her name, like she might get it back with gunk on it. But then, «Carrie. My friend’s coming right back.»

«That’s…cool. So what school do you go to?» he asked. Not that he knew any schools in San Diego.

«Garfield,» said the girl, but as she did so she arched her neck to look over his shoulder. Her long, soft, beautiful neck.

Koko want kitten.

«It’s…kind of crowded in here,» said Doug. «Don’t you think? You want to go outside? Get some fresh air?»

«I’m waiting for my friend,» said the girl. And then her whole posture relaxed, and a sudden brightness in her eyes told Doug that she’d just seen this friend, the friend was close, like the friend had just pressed the button on her key chain that made the headlights flash and the locks pop.

«Just for a second,» said Doug. «Really quick. I want to show you something.»


«No, it’s not like…Just trust me…Come outside…It’s totally amazing…»

The friend was back. The friend was right there, and Doug heard himself say, «I’m a vampire.»

Both girls stared at him for an airless moment, possibly deciding how they were going to take this. Funny or Scary? Funny or Scary?

«A creature of the night,» Doug continued. «Cursed like Cain to wander—

„Aren’t you a little fat for a vampire?“ asked the friend.

Funny it is, then. Doug sighed. „I guess.“

„Oh, my god, are you one of those comics convention people?“ asked the friend. „Paul said there wouldn’t be too many of them.“

„Look, sorry,“ said the girl, the girl whose name Doug had to admit had already escaped his mind. „I’m here with my friend. Maybe someone else will go see your comic book thing.“ They turned to leave.

„I wasn’t trying to show you a comic book!“ said Doug as he followed them. „I’m a vampire! I’m a fat vampire, okay? I was trying to lose weight before I got bitten. Now I’m screwed.“

The girl faced him. A second or so later her friend realized she was walking all by herself. She clucked her tongue and came back.

„Why are you screwed?“ asked the girl.

This was something. Not really the topic Doug wanted to talk about, but at least they were talking.

„I’m…cursed,“ said Doug. He was going to have to come up with another word for cursed. „For all eternity, always alone, never able to quench my dark—"

No, he could see in her face he was losing her. Something else.

"Look," he said, "vampires don’t change, right? I’m never going to get any older, and I’ll always look like this. Short. Doughy. You know I haven’t had anything to eat or drink except blood for the last month? And nothing. No change. If I can’t lose weight on an all-blood diet—"

"So is that why you wanted me to go outside with you? You were going to attack me?"

"No! No, I—"

"You were going to drink my blood?"

Doug dropped his eyes, but then he was just staring at her bare belly, at the hypnotic whorl of her navel that would certainly bewitch him, make him stupid with want. He glanced to her right and noticed a few bystanders were listening, their conversations ebbing away. Beautiful people with faces like flowers, turning slowly to bask in someone else’s blazing embarrassment.

"Only if you wanted me—"

"What?" said the friend. "We CAN’T HEAR YOU."

"Only if you wanted me to," said Doug. "I just would’ve showed you my fangs and then…maybe you’d be, you know"—when he finished the thought it was barely there—"into it."

"Okay, time to go," said a really tall guy who came out of nowhere. He grabbed Doug’s arm and escorted him, backward, stumbling, toward the door.

"Don’t be too mean to him," the girl called after them. "He didn’t do anything."

Don’t be too mean to him, thought Doug. Not TOO mean. He was fifteen years old, he would always be fifteen years old, and it was possibly the nicest thing any girl would ever say about him.

Doug dug in his heels. "Wait," he said. "I can’t leave without my friend. I dragged him here."

His escort appeared speechless that Doug had been able to stop their momentum at all. Another tall, good-looking teenager had to step up to the plate.

"Fuck, there are more of you?" he said. "Where’s your friend?"

"Probably hiding in a bathroom."

This second guy went off to look, leaving the first to stand there and hold Doug’s arm and glare.

"Look, you can let me go," said Doug. "I’m not going to turn into a bat or anything."

"Heh. What? Shut up."

"Seriously. I’ll leave as soon as my friend gets here."

"I think you can let him go," said someone new.

Doug’s escort let him go. "Whatever. Your house, Paul."

"Oh," said Doug to the new kid. "You’re Paul. Nice party."

"Thanks. How did you find out about it?"

"I found a flyer at the convention center. At the pre-con party. It was under Stan Lee’s foot."

"Someone must’ve dropped one," said Paul. "Sorry, it was more of an invite-only thing."

Читать дальше

Похожие книги на «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story»

Представляем Вашему вниманию похожие книги на «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story» списком для выбора. Мы отобрали схожую по названию и смыслу литературу в надежде предоставить читателям больше вариантов отыскать новые, интересные, ещё не прочитанные произведения.

Отзывы о книге «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story»

Обсуждение, отзывы о книге «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story» и просто собственные мнения читателей. Оставьте ваши комментарии, напишите, что Вы думаете о произведении, его смысле или главных героях. Укажите что конкретно понравилось, а что нет, и почему Вы так считаете.