• Пожаловаться

Adam Rex: Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

Здесь есть возможность читать онлайн «Adam Rex: Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story» весь текст электронной книги совершенно бесплатно (целиком полную версию). В некоторых случаях присутствует краткое содержание. категория: Ужасы и Мистика / Юмористическая фантастика / на английском языке. Описание произведения, (предисловие) а так же отзывы посетителей доступны на портале. Библиотека «Либ Кат» — LibCat.ru создана для любителей полистать хорошую книжку и предлагает широкий выбор жанров:

любовные романы фантастика и фэнтези приключения детективы и триллеры эротика документальные научные юмористические анекдоты о бизнесе проза детские сказки о религиии новинки православные старинные про компьютеры программирование на английском домоводство поэзия

Выбрав категорию по душе Вы сможете найти действительно стоящие книги и насладиться погружением в мир воображения, прочувствовать переживания героев или узнать для себя что-то новое, совершить внутреннее открытие. Подробная информация для ознакомления по текущему запросу представлена ниже:

Adam Rex Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story

Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

Предлагаем к чтению аннотацию, описание, краткое содержание или предисловие (зависит от того, что написал сам автор книги «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story»). Если вы не нашли необходимую информацию о книге — напишите в комментариях, мы постараемся отыскать её.

Doug Lee is undead quite by accident — attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it's just not the same. Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her — hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated — it's not as easy as studying . Especially when the star of is hot on your trail in an attempt to boost ratings. . Searing, hilarious, and always unexpected, is a satirical tour de force from one of the most original writers of fiction today.

Adam Rex: другие книги автора


Кто написал Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story? Узнайте фамилию, как зовут автора книги и список всех его произведений по сериям.

Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story — читать онлайн бесплатно полную книгу (весь текст) целиком

Ниже представлен текст книги, разбитый по страницам. Система сохранения места последней прочитанной страницы, позволяет с удобством читать онлайн бесплатно книгу «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story», без необходимости каждый раз заново искать на чём Вы остановились. Поставьте закладку, и сможете в любой момент перейти на страницу, на которой закончили чтение.

Шрифт:

Сбросить

Интервал:

Закладка:

Сделать

"Look," said Doug. "Those two Kool-Aid Men are fighting."

"I don’t know what to do," said Jay. "I don’t know what to do."

"About what? The Kool-Aid Men?"

Jay shook his head. Then he motioned at the whole thing, at everything: the comics and the culture and the people pulling the first Kool-Aid Man off the second Kool-Aid Man.

"We’re going to walk around and look at things," said Doug.

"But what things? Which ones? What if we don’t see all of them? What if we look at the wrong things?"

"Look. Calm down. We’re just going to get the lay of the land. We’re going to skim through the program and circle things. If someone tries to hand us something, we let them. If we pass a trivia quiz, we’re going to shout ‘Crisis on Infinite Earths!’ because that’s usually the answer. Are you going to be okay?"

Jay swallowed and nodded. The convention hall was filling with people. Someone in Spider-Man tights crouched near them and pointed with two web-slinging fingers.

"Hey, true believers!" he said. "The Marvel Entertainment Group is in booth six thirty!"

Doug gave a hesitant thumbs-up. "Thanks."

"Thank you, Spider-Man," said Jay.

Spider-Man leaped away and delivered his line again to a group of Japanese girls.

The two boys tunneled through the feedlot of warm bodies to visit every table and booth in turn. They got writers and artists to sign comics and a model dressed as Punching Judy to sign Doug’s arm. It would have been a good opportunity to say one of the funny comic-book lines he’d thought up ("You’re making me horny. You wouldn’t like me when I’m horny."), but he couldn’t quite manage it. Punching Judy was getting dirty looks from the writer/illustrator of SuperBitch, who was talking to a local news crew from her adjoining booth.

"Superhero secret identities are like virginity," she told the camera. "All these sweaty boys want to see the day when she gives it up, the day everyone knows her, but then after it’s gone, they’re disappointed. They want her to have a secret identity again."

Doug supposed that was true. It was always this big euphoric event in a comic when the hero’s girlfriend or whoever learned his secret. Everybody wanted to read that story, but a year later the writers would probably give the girlfriend amnesia. You always wanted to put the cat back in the bag.

He’d blown his cover last night at that party, but Doug was going to be more careful from now on. He sort of wished he hadn’t even told Jay.

They watched the world premiere of a new movie trailer and then attended a ten thirty panel discussion with DC comics editors, where there was a prize: a light-up resin Green Lantern ring, one of only five thousand produced.

"Cool," said Jay.

"Green Lantern’s gay," said Doug.

The panel moderator flashed it off and on a couple of times. "Is that not awesome?" he said. "And the ring goes…to the audience member who has traveled the farthest to be here!"

"Philadelphia!" shouted Doug. A dozen other attendees shouted their hometowns, too. The ring went to a man from Belgium wearing a Tintin shirt.

"We don’t live in Philadelphia," whispered Jay.

"We live in a suburb of Philadelphia. You think they know where Ardwynne is?"

"I know you thought that was it," the moderator continued, "but it just so happens…yes, I think I may have another ring…for whomever’s traveled the farthest from within the United States?"

"Philadelphia!" Doug shouted again.

"Bangor!" shouted some kid from Bangor.

"Bangor is farthest!" said the moderator.

"No, it isn’t!" Doug protested. He got to his feet. "No, it isn’t. Not if you take into account the curvature of the Earth, which—"

"Bangor’s farther, kid," said the moderator.

Doug sunk into his chair. "Let’s go," he said to Jay. "Panels suck."

"You don’t want to sit awhile? You look tired."

Doug answered by rising and walking out the side door while a fan asked the panel about an obscure Superman versus Muhammad Ali comic from the seventies.

"Sorry you didn’t win," said Jay when he’d caught up. "I think Bangor is farther, though."

"I don’t care, I just wanted the ring to sell it. I didn’t really expect to win. Nobody ever wins anything."

Twenty minutes later Jay won a new shirt for shouting, "Crisis on Infinite Earths!" a fraction of a second faster than seven other boys. It read, MY MOM AND DAD WENT TO THE NEGATIVE ZONE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT. By twelve o’clock it was covered by thirty-one free buttons. "I’m having a really good time," he said. "Aren’t you?"

Doug didn’t answer. Jay looked him in the face for maybe the first time in an hour, and turned pale.

"We should…" he said, "we should find you somewhere to sit down. And get something to eat."

Doug nodded.

"What about a milkshake?" Jay asked when they found an empty table near the snack bar. "Or, like, a smoothie?"

"That sounds…like the worst thing in the world," said Doug. "Seriously, if I…if I’d had an appetite for anything these past weeks, I’d have eaten it. I’d eat my own hand if it sounded good. I don’t want anything anymore."

"You look a little better."

"It helps to sit down. Away from everyone else."

Jay flinched as someone at a far table shouted "‘UP QAGH!" and thumped his chest.

Doug and Jay turned to watch the largest of four Klingons pound the tabletop with his world-shattering fist, bouncing half-eaten French bread pizzas off paper plates made translucent by grease.

"Sooo," said Doug, "why so many Klingons, do you think? I mean, there have been Star Trek comics and all, but they’re not popular or anything."

"I think they just have the outfits all ready from the last Trekkie con," said Jay. "So they’re coming here and they think, why not show colors?"

"My party wants your ketchup," said a very short Klingon who was suddenly at Jay’s flinching shoulder.

"Oh," said Jay. "Sure, you…We’re not using it."

The short Klingon held the ketchup bottle aloft and turned to address his table.

"Qettlhup!"

"QETTLHUP!" the others answered in chorus.

The Klingon departed.

"I gotta go," said Doug. "Can we go? I just want to lie down for a while. I thought here at the con I could take my mind off it, but—"

Jay’s face fell, and Doug’s gut twisted again. He understood how Jay felt — he didn’t want to have to leave either. This was where they belonged. These were their people. The San Diego Comic-Con was a mystical city that only appeared for a few days each year, like Brigadoon.

"There’s still three more days," said Jay, brightening a little. "I’ve heard it’s best to buy old comics on Sunday. Maybe we can figure something out for you tonight. Find you some blood."

"Gah!" moaned Doug. "That’s the frustrating part! It’s everywhere! It’s all I can smell! People full of it! And do you know how many characters I’ve seen today with blood in their names? There’s Bloodstorm, Bloodaxe, Bloodlust, Blood-hawk, Baron Blood, Baroness Blood, Bloodhound, the Blood Brothers…Even the superhero on that kid’s bag over there looks like a big drop of blood with a cape."

Jay looked. Doug looked again. It was a big drop of blood with a cape. It said "Type O Hero!" on the side above the Red Cross logo. Jay jumped out of his seat.

Читать дальше

Шрифт:

Сбросить

Интервал:

Закладка:

Сделать

Похожие книги на «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story»

Представляем Вашему вниманию похожие книги на «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story» списком для выбора. Мы отобрали схожую по названию и смыслу литературу в надежде предоставить читателям больше вариантов отыскать новые, интересные, ещё не прочитанные произведения.


Отзывы о книге «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story»

Обсуждение, отзывы о книге «Fat Vampire: A Never Coming of Age Story» и просто собственные мнения читателей. Оставьте ваши комментарии, напишите, что Вы думаете о произведении, его смысле или главных героях. Укажите что конкретно понравилось, а что нет, и почему Вы так считаете.