Adam Rex - Fat Vampire - A Never Coming of Age Story

Doug assumed this was sarcasm. Stephin was clearly a moth, circling a dim light in a dusty closet, chewing holes in the world. Metaphor! Doug wanted to leave.

"So you see?" said Stephin. "I changed. The conception of what a vampire is, what he looks like and how he behaves, changed. It can change again. No rules."

Doug frowned, then realized he was frowning, and stopped. The whole idea seemed too unlikely. Too metaphysical.

"I wonder if we don’t all have this kind of influence over each other," said Stephin. "Do you know that everything in the universe has its own gravity? It’s not just planets that exert this force — it’s anything with mass. You have your own gravity. So does a feather."

"I already knew that," said Doug. "We learn it in school. From books. But you have to be as massive as a planet or a moon or something in order to have enough of a gravitational pull that anyone’d notice."

"Yes. Precisely. But there are other laws of attraction — are there not? The sort you don’t learn about in school? How often do we find ourselves pulled to other people, becoming a different kind of person whilst inside their aura? How often do we remake ourselves to suit the expectations of society?"

Doug shook his head, which felt suddenly numb and elastic. He was possibly drunk. "I’m sorry. This sounds like touchy-feely crystal bullshit."

He was met with silence, and Doug imagined he’d probably said something he shouldn’t have. He avoided the other man’s face until it was too obviously deliberate, then was treated to a look that could sour milk. Stephin made a little cage of his fingers.

"I was a devil. I mingled with worms and dank earth. I slept as if dead by day and wandered by night, and by night I was diverted only by pretty screams and blood. A devil.

"And then came our friend Dracula, and the world changed its mind. The memory of my life came back to me. The memory of my death, and what I’d lost. Tom North came back to me. There are so many more of them than us, Doug. They have a planetary influence. And the vampire was only ever what they needed it to be."

Doug breathed and forced his head to clear for a moment. "Can you stop being a vampire if you kill the one who made you?" he said quickly, before his mind went soft again.

Stephin raised his eyes. "Ready to leave the belfry, so soon?"

"I’ve seen movies and read stories where you kill your vampire sire, or kill the one who started that vampire lin…lineage, and you change back to normal. Does it work? If so many people think it works, then maybe it works. Tell me."

Stephin stared for a long time, face blank as an old hat, while Doug fidgeted. Stephin could probably figure things out about Victor. He’d tell Signora Polidori or Borisov. Doug had been stupid to ask.

"I’ve never heard of such a thing firsthand," Stephin said finally, "but I’ve come across such stories myself. I can tell you that I know with great certainty that Miss Polidori’s sire has gone to his final death, but she remains, up in her gilded birdcage."

"But did she kill him herself?" said Doug, determined to see this line of questioning through now, screw the consequences. "Maybe you have to be the one who does it."

"Maybe. Maybe you’d even have to kill an ‘okay guy.’ One who was out of his mind when he made you," said Stephin. Then he was quiet again, and appeared to be thinking. Doug let him think, and felt his body sag and marinate. But then the sun set outside and the night filled him up like his whole body had a hard-on. Stephin must have felt it, too, because he breathed suddenly and spoke.

"I think you would find it useful to do a little genealogy. Find out more about your vampire family tree. I will consider this question of yours and do my own study. But offhand, I’d say do nothing to the boy who made you. I think you want the head of the family, so to speak."

"I guess — I guess the real question," said Doug, "is why would any vampire make another?"

"Why?" Stephin repeated. "Loneliness, of course."

"But I mean…why would a vampire create a younger vampire if there was a possibility the young one might end up destroying the old one?"

Stephin stared. "If you can explain to me how this is different from parenting in general I might know how to answer that."

HE HAD BEEN right, he thought, on the long bike trip home: getting low on blood was like being drunk. Drunk and hungry. Being drunk and dry at the same time must feel terrible , he thought. Drunk but sanguine — that felt a little better. He let his bike drift from side to side, giving in to the weightlessness, softening his eyes until everything was smoke and blurred edges. Then he was nearly clipped by a car.

"Dumbass!" shouted a boy riding shotgun.

"Nice poncho!" shouted a kid in the back.

Screw you , thought Doug. This poncho is for safety. You’re supposed to wear white when you bike at night. I shouldn’t even have to explain this to you, but I do because you’re all a bunch of fuck-wit future short-order cooks. You’re a bunch of burger flippers. You’re a bunch of batter-dipped fry guys , he thought. Besides, it was easier to just wear the poncho than try to fit it in his pocket.

He ramped up onto the sidewalk and gazed into the park, through the hedges and tall trees, the statuary, the…deer.

There was a deer in the park. A West Philadelphia park, empty at night but for a man asleep on a bench and, over there, a deer. Doug stopped his bike. The deer, which may have been watching him pass, turned and stepped unhurriedly toward the far road. Doug trundled his bike around and pedaled back to a gap in the hedge, then into the park. The deer answered by bounding across the street to the south park, its hooves drawing a crisp, thrilling percussion out of the cracked pavement. Doug stood up on his pedals, shifted gears, and chased.

The night made him strong. He could feel it seep into his legs, an eldritch power, his prize and his curse, gained in a dark bargain with shadowy forces that he may better exact his vengeance on…this deer. Maybe he could pretend the deer was a mugger.

It dashed through the children’s playground, and in that spray of sand and Tinkertoy architecture he lost it. At the far edge of the park he slowed and looked around.

There was a bewildered-looking guy on the sidewalk, and Doug asked, "Did you just see—"

"Yeah, man!" he answered, and pointed down a side street. "It went that way!" Doug thanked him and pushed off again.

Where had this deer come from? The closest real woodland was a few miles away, and even that was just a thin, fresh strip between two scabrous counties. Like Mother Nature had left her watch on while getting tattooed. It was too unlikely, seeing a deer here. Doug inflated the unlikelihood of it in his soggy mind until it was like mythology, until it seemed to him that the deer could be nothing short of a spiritual messenger or a gift. To catch it would signify something. In the fantasy sorts of stories Doug read the deer would have something important to tell him. Or he would trade its life for a wish. Or maybe it would actually be a beautiful woman, bound to him forever. If this last possibility strikes you as odd, then you have probably never been a teenage boy. There are an uncatalogable number of things that can remind a teenage boy of beautiful women.

The side street ended at a T, and Doug could see nothing in either direction. The deer was somewhere close, he thought. Hiding. He drew a deep breath through his nostrils and not so much smelled as sensed something wild in the air.

Near the T in the road was a gravel path between two houses, too narrow for a car, not quite a driveway. Doug left his bike by the street and crept up the path, conscious that he was approaching a strange house, ducking past a strange window, but the smell was overwhelming. The smell and a rhythmic, chuffing sound like a locomotive. He reached the end of the path. Crouching low, he craned his head around the corner, and the deer was there.