Лиза Смит - The Return - Midnight

Oh, dear God, please…

Elena was dizzier than ever now. Outside events passed dimly around her, like an ocean that only slightly bobbed a person out deep in the swells. She was entirely focused on Damon.

But one thing she did feel. Her bravery — Damon had been wrong about that.

Huge sobs were rising from somewhere deep inside her. She had made Stefan let go of her and now she couldn’t hold herself up any longer.

She fell right on top of her blood and Damon’s body. Her cheek fell against his cheek.

And his cheek was cold. Even under the blood, it was cold.

Elena never knew when the hysterics began. She simply found herself shrieking and sobbing, beating on Damon’s shoulders, cursing him. She had never properly cursed him before, not directly to his face. As for the shrieking, that wasn’t just a sound. She was once again screaming at him to find some way to fight.

And finally, she began the promises. Promises that deep in her heart, she now knew were lies. She was going to find a way to fix him in a moment. She already felt a new Wings power coming to save him.

Anything so as to not face the truth.

“Damon? Please?” It was an interlude in the shrieking, when she was talking softly in her new husky, hoarse voice. “Damon, just do one thing for me. Just squeeze my hand. I know you can do that. Just squeeze one of my hands.”

But there was no pressure on either of her hands. Only blood that was turning sticky.

And then the miracle happened and she once again heard Damon’s voice — very faintly — in her head.

Elena? Don’t…cry, darling. It’s not…as bad as Stefan said. I don’t feel much of anything, except on my face. I…feel your tears. No more weeping…please, angel.

Because of the miracle, Elena steadied herself. He’d called Stefan “Stefan” and not “little brother.” But she had other things to think about right now. He could still feel things on his face! This was important information, valuable information. Elena immediately cupped his cheeks with her hands and kissed him on the lips.

I just kissed you. I’m kissing you again. Can you feel that?

Forever, Elena, Damon said. I’ll…take that with me. It’s part of me now…do you see?

Elena didn’t want to see. She kissed his lips — icy cold — again. And again.

She wanted to give him something else. Something good to think about. Damon, do you remember when we first met? At school, after the lights went out, when I was measuring for the Haunted House decorations. I almost let you kiss me then — before I even knew your name — when you just came drifting out of the darkness.

Damon surprised her by answering immediately. Yes…and you…you astonished me by being the first girl I couldn’t Influence right away. We had…fun together — didn’t we? Some good times? We went to a party…and we danced together. I’ll take that with me too.

Through her daze, Elena had one thought. Don’t confuse him anymore. They’d gone to that “party” only to save Stefan’s life. She told him, We had fun. You’re a good dancer. Imagine us waltzing!

Damon sent slowly, fuzzily, I’m sorry…I’ve been so horrible lately. Tell…her that. Bonnie. Tell her…

Elena steadied herself. I’ll tell her. I’m kissing you again. Can you feel me kissing you?

It was a rhetorical question, so she got a shock, when Damon only answered slowly and sleepily. Did I…take a vow to tell you the truth?

Yes, Elena lied instantly. She needed the truth from him.

Then…no, to be honest…I can’t. I don’t seem to have…a body now. It’s comfortable and warm, and nothing hurts anymore. And — I almost feel as if I’m not alone. Don’t laugh.

You’re not alone! Oh, Damon, don’t you know that? I’ll never, ever let you be alone. Elena choked, wondering how to make him believe her. Just for a few more seconds…now.

Here, she sent in a telepathic whisper, I’ll give you my precious secret. I’ll never tell anyone else. Do you remember the motel we stayed in on our road trip, and how everyone — even you — wondered what happened that night?

A…motel? A road trip? He was sounding very unsure now. Oh…yes. I remember. And…the next morning — wondering.

Because Shinichi took your memories, Elena said, hoping that hateful name would revivify Damon. But it didn’t. Like Shinichi, Damon was done with the world now.

Elena leaned her cheek against his cold and bloody one. I held you, darling, just like this — well, almost like this. All night. That was all you wanted, to not feel alone.

There was a long pause and Elena began to panic in the few parts of her that were not numb or already hysterical. But then the words came slowly to her.

Thank you…Elena. Thank you…for telling me your precious secret.

Yes, and I’ll tell you something even more precious. No one is alone. Not really. No one is ever alone.

You’re with me…so warm…nothing to worry about anymore…

Nothing more, Elena promised him. And I’ll always be with you. No one is alone; I promise it.

Elena…things are beginning to feel strange now. Not pain. But I have to tell you…what I know you already know…. How I fell in love with you…you’ll remember, won’t you? You won’t forget me?

Forget you? How could I ever forget you?

But Damon was speaking on and suddenly Elena knew that he couldn’t hear her, not even by telepathy anymore.

Will you remember? For me? Just that…I loved once — just once, really, in my whole life. Can you remember that I loved you? That makes my life…worth… something… His voice faded.

Elena was so dizzy now. She knew she was still losing blood fast. Too fast. Her mind was not sharp. And she was suddenly shaken by a fresh storm of sobbing. At least she would never yell again — there was no one to yell at. Damon had gone away. He had run away without her.

She wanted to follow. Nothing was real. Didn’t he understand? She could not imagine a universe, no matter how many dimensions there were, without a Damon in it. There was no world for her, if there was no Damon.

He couldn’t do this to her.

Neither knowing nor caring what she was doing, she plunged deep, deep into Damon’s mind, wielding her telepathy like a sword, slashing at the wooden connections that she found everywhere. And, at last, she found herself plunging into the very deepest part of him…where a little boy, the metaphor for Damon’s unconscious, had once been loaded with chains and set to guard the great stone that Damon kept his feelings locked in.

Oh, God, he must be so frightened, she thought. Whatever the cost, he must not be allowed to go away frightened….

Now she saw him. The child-Damon. As always, she could see in the sweetly rounded face, the sharp-cheekboned young man that Damon would become, in the wide black eyes, the potential for his look of fathomless darkness.

But although he was not smiling, the child’s look was open and welcoming, in a way that Damon’s older self had never been. And the chains…the chains were gone. The great stone was gone too.

“I knew you’d come,” the boy whispered, and Elena took him into her arms.

Easy, Elena told herself. Easy. He’s not real. He’s what’s left of Damon’s mind, the deepest part of his hindbrain. But still, he’s even younger than Margaret, and he’s just as soft and warm. No matter what, please God, don’t let him know what’s really happening to him.

But there was knowledge in the wide, dark child eyes that turned up to her face.

“I’m so glad to see you,” he confided. “I thought that I might never talk to you again.

And — he — you know — he left some messages with me. I don’t think he could say anything more, so he sent them to me.”