S. Welles - To Ocean's End

Mido rocked her gently and rubbed her back. That fueled her tears as well. Her mind warred away with how to react to such kindness. She’d done nothing to deserve being treated well. How could he stand touching her? How? She didn’t deserve it at all. At the same time part of her willed him to not let go, to hold her close and protect her from ever getting abused again. It was so much better than her other experiences. Mido hugged her tighter. Oh, god, it was so much better. She needed to convince herself to not resist such kindness anymore.

Jessie stopped crying, bolted upright, and tore herself from Mido’s arms. She looked around for a garbage but didn’t see one anywhere. She rolled to her hands and knees and began vomiting all over the cement floor. The few sips of coffee, the fruit, and whatever else had been sitting in her stomach splattered everywhere. She heaved until she had nothing left, then clenched her stomach and dry-heaved a couple of times.

Mido put his hands on her shoulders to steady her when she started tipping sideways. Jessie gasped for breath and spat a few times to get the acidic taste out of her mouth.

“Feel better?” Mido asked.

She nodded. She felt a lot better. Lighter, too, like whatever’d been weighing her down had left her system. She also felt like she’d pass out in five seconds if she closed her eyes. “Sorry about the floor.”

“Don’t worry about it. Scully’ll clean it up.”

“No, I should. I’m the one who made the mess.”

Mido pulled her to her unsteady feet. “You need a hot meal in you, not a cleaning duty. Are you well enough to walk?”

Jessie clenched her jaw at the insinuation that she was weak. She steadied herself but didn’t try to push him away. “Of course I can.”

“Good, then let’s get back to breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Trust me, you are. Once you take a couple of bites, you’ll feel hungry again.” He undid the velcro strap to one of the sparring gloves and pulled it off. Jessie tried to remove the other but the tendons in her arms did not want to be used. Ugh, how was she going to feed herself? There was no way she was going to let anyone spoon or fork-feed her.

Mido kept an arm around her all the way back to the galley. They passed Scully and Sam, who watched them leave with perplexed gazes. Mido informed Scully of the mess that needed cleaning up. He just grunted and walked off. Mido told Jessie that Scully was the one the whole crew went to when there were dirty jobs that needed done. The captain paid him a little extra for it. Jessie stopped feeling so bad after that.

Jessie obediently took her seat at the table while Mido stuck their breakfast back in the oven. In the name of washing the vomit taste out of her mouth, she helped herself to her coffee with shaking, burning arms, and managed to not spill a drop, even when she more plopped than set the tin cup back down. Mido smirked but kept his teasing thoughts to himself.

“Have some fruit while we wait.”

“I told you I’m not hungry.”

“And I told you that you are.”

She glared at him but he wore a patient smile. Since she was tired and he looked like he had far more patience than her, she gave in and picked up her fork, then pulled her bowl to the raised lip of the table. She pecked a piece of banana and stuck it in her mouth and chewed. The banana tasted good so she ate the rest of the slices before moving onto the apple slices, then the pineapples, and then the strawberries and blueberries together. Okay, so she was hungry. Starving. She eagerly pushed aside her bowl when Mido set the heated plate of French toast before her. Using her wrist to swing her fork like a pendulum, she brought her face closer to her plate and began wolfing down her breakfast.

“Don’t eat too fast, miss I’m-not-hungry,” Mido said as he took his seat.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” That was as close as she would get to admitting she was wrong and he was right. Or maybe it was just how amazing he made everything taste, even reheated French toast. “You need to teach me how to cook as well as you.”

Mido brightened at the request. “I can if you’d like. We’ll start with simple stuff.”

“Like what?” she asked between bites.

“Coffee.”

She gave him a humorless grin and he just laughed. “I can make a cup of coffee.”

“As good as mine?”

He had her again. “No.”

“Well once we’re done eating, I’ll teach you the secret to good coffee. You look like you’re gonna need another cup soon anyway.”

Now that her mind was catching up with the amount of food in her stomach, she was beginning to feel dead tired again. “Sounds good.” She snuck in sips of coffee between bites of breakfast, and as soon as she was done, her eyelids began to feel real heavy. She finished her coffee, but the caffeine wasn’t doing anything for her. She rested her head against the wall, closed her eyes, and listened to Mido finish his own breakfast.

At some point she startled awake to a hand shaking her shoulder. Mido stood over her with a contented smile on his face.

“The coffee lesson can wait until later. I’ll escort you back to your bunk.”

She let out a tired groan as she forced herself to sit up. She was too tired to protest as Mido helped her back to her feet. She mechanically took a few steps towards the cabins and swayed into the wall. Mido caught her for the second time today, then scooped her into his strong arms. She let out another tired groan, then buried her face in the meat of his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her face felt flushed. Her tired body bounced with his steady strides and swayed as he sidestepped into her room. He carefully deposited her in her bunk, untied and pulled off her steel toe boots. She pulled her feet onto the bed and feebly grabbed at her blankets. Mido pulled the blankets over her, and her tired brain barely registered the kiss he planted on her cheek before she passed out.

Jessie woke up feeling the most relaxed she had in years. She’d woken up smiling, too. What was with that? Come to think of it, why did it matter? Smiles were good. She rolled over and lifted her bunk curtain.

A wave of fear passed over her as she remembered she was surrounded by men. She whipped off her blankets. She was still fully clothed in her plain shirt and cargo pants, zipper up and button still fastened. Her insides didn’t hurt with the telltale pain that she’d been raped. Heck, she still had her socks and undergarments on, and she couldn’t smell her own stink, if she stank at all.

She sat up and looked at herself, still dressed and unharmed after passing out however many hours ago. She had some vomit splatter on her knees, but other than that she was clean. She’d been in a vulnerable position during waking hours and no one had done anything to her, except tuck her into bed. She touched her cheek.

And given her a kiss.

It was almost too good to be true to believe. She’d had so many nightmares on Tethys’s ship, and a few more every night on Dyne’s, except during her latest rest. It was such a merciful reprieve. Maybe Mido’s good night kiss had been magic.

Considering the strange times with quasi-children and water morphing into objects, maybe it was.

Jessie got out of her bunk and into her boots. When she straightened up, her fear returned out of habit. She wasn’t afraid of the men themselves, but what they could do to her. But… they’d just gone a bunch of hours without doing anything. Days, actually, if she took in the rest of her stay. Even Jacobi had hurt her with nothing more than words. But she was safe from Jacobi until his leg healed, and Cancer had admitted he owed her an apology. She really needed to undo her habitual fear reactions. How exactly she wasn’t sure. She was sure about not living the rest of her life in fear. It was too stressful and exhausting.