S. Welles - To Ocean's End

“I want to do it for you.”

Shrugging, she let him wait on her. It was a small gesture, but she still felt touched. She being only twenty two years old, not many guys had tried to pamper her, besides her father. But he didn’t count romantically. Her teenage boyfriends didn’t know how to treat a lady, and now here she was after Tethys, with a cook who wanted to please her. She started pecking at her fruit as her thoughts centered on their first hug. She watched his muscles flex minutely as he cut up their meals. She had to admit they were nice arms, but would they always protect her, or would they one day overpower her?

Mido poured a generous amount of syrup over both plates, then slid them to opposite ends of the table. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes, please. With cream. And nutmeg if you have any.” She shooed away thoughts of Mido being a threat as best she could.

He crossed to the coffee pot and poured two tin mugs of coffee to order, preparing them both with cream and a pinch of nutmeg.

“You like nutmeg, too?”

“Never tried it. Sounds good.” He held out a steaming cup.

Jessie looked at it and waited for him to put it down. He frowned and set the mug next to her fruit bowl. He took a sip from his own tin. “It is good,” he said with as much enjoyment as someone attending a funeral. He stared into his mug but didn’t sit.

Jessie picked up her tin mug in both hands. She knew not taking the mug from his hand had offended him. Ed and Ted had been the first loving contact in two years, followed by Mido’s attempted hug. She wanted to experience that feeling again but was afraid it’d go all wrong. She closed her eyes and inhaled her coffee’s spicy aroma, then took a sip. This was her first cup of coffee since Tethys. Two years with nothing to drink but water. She took another sip. “I don’t know what you did but this is the best coffee I’ve ever had, and Cyprus isn’t far from Italy.” She took a third sip. Yep, definitely the best, and hopefully her genuine compliment would smooth over her not taking the mug from his hand.

“Thank you,” he said, his frown softening. He set mug beside his own plate. “Now.” He held out a hand, palm up. “Please don’t be afraid of me, Jessie. I know you’ve been through a lot, but it still hurts every time I see you cringe.”

Jessie considered his hand, then wiped her own on her pants and slowly reached for his. Her brain screamed at her to stay away from it but… she wanted to be a survivor, not a victim. She clenched her teeth and placed her hand on top of his with a feather touch. Mido gently sandwiched her hand between both of his and just held hers. Her heart pounded as her memories assumed she knew what was coming next. Two years of being touched meant getting raped. But this time…

She flinched when he said, “See? No harm.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, then began massaging it.

As good as it felt, her brain slipped into shutdown mode. Her emotions turned off and the world around her fell into a haze. She just sat there, oblivious to what was happening to her, letting unwanted company just have his way until he was done. He’d be done eventually. If she was lucky, he’d give her no bruises. She’d managed to keep all her teeth, unlike most of the other women who’d come and gone on Tethys’s ship.

Her body was gently shaken. A finger snapped near her face and she heard someone call her name. She blinked a few times, then realized Mido was still holding her hand. Worry crinkled his brow. “Are you okay? Your eyes just glazed over and you didn’t respond to anything I said.”

Jessie fully came back to the present and the sensation of her hand in his. “I’m sorry. I just…” Her heart began pounding. She wanted to run. Run and hide. This was so embarrassing.

“Don’t be sorry.” He kissed her hand began rubbing it again, but watched her eyes for signs of glazing over.

Instead, her eyes filled with tears. She looked down and tried to squeeze the horrible memories flooding her system. And anger. Lots of anger. The anger that’d fueled her before the fight had left her. She made a fist with her free hand. A little voice in her head told her to not swing. She knew the voice was right but she had so much anger in her system. The men who’d taken needed to be punished. She craved revenge—no, justice. Beating and castrating every last one of them would be justice. She raised her fist.

A hand seized her wrist. That contact sent her into a frenzy. She wrenched free and started swinging, but connected with nothing. She surged to her feet and lunged for the man backing away from her. He blocked all her punches and yelled something at her repeatedly. Some two-syllable word. She continued swinging until she recognized her given name.

“Amphitrite! Stop! Please!”

That snapped her out of her red haze, but she still felt a need to punch things. She had so much anger pent up inside her. Mido looked at her fearfully and didn’t move. She wiped at her tears and kept her fists raised. “I need… a punching bag…”

Mido stared dumbly, the demand throwing him off-guard. “This way.” He waved for her to follow, then led her to the cargo hold. They hurried down the hall and into the bow of the ship, past stack after stack of wood crates and into a corner on starboard side. Other men were in there but they both ignored them. A large red leather punching back hung from a steel bar holding up a second-level storage shelf. Mido reached for something on top of the bag, then turned around and held it open for her. An open-fingered sparring glove. Jessie slipped her hand into the too-large glove and tightened the wrist strap, then repeated the process with the other. Mido back out of the way and Jessie took out her wrath on the bag.

She slipped back into blind rage mode. She pounded the bag over and over, throwing her weight into each blow. It felt so good to beat the crap out something, yet she couldn’t seem to hit the bag hard enough. She willed herself to swing harder with every blow. She tried kicking it several times, then went back to punching. Her brain told her arms that she wasn’t getting tired at all but at some point they started quivering, feeling heavier. Her swings became slower and weaker, but she willed herself to keep trying to hit harder.

Her last swing missed the bag entirely. She stumbled and reached out for the bag to catch herself, but her burning arms couldn’t hold her up. Mido caught her before she hit the floor and helped her upright. He tried to back away but she held on with shaking hands. He held her with his hands cradling her elbows and said nothing, just looked at her with sadness in his blue eyes. And a hint of fear. She looked at the floor and whispered, “I hate them all.” Fresh tears filled her vision. She leaned towards him and he pulled her into a hug. She would’ve hugged back but her arms were done. Instead, she started crying. “I hate them all so much,” she said louder.

“Hopefully you’ll never see them again,” Mido said in her ear.

“If I do, I’m going to castrate all of them. They’re worthless pigs. They’re going to pay for what they did to me and so many other women.”

“They definitely deserve it. But try not to think about them okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“Think about yourself and the rest your life ahead of you.”

Jessie broke into heavy sobs. Suddenly her legs couldn’t hold her up anymore and she started slipping. Mido guided her to the floor, then pulled her close so she could cry on his chest. Beyond caring, she buried her face in his chest and cried.

The tears came out of nowhere. Maybe she’d burned through all her anger and there were only tears left, tears for all the horrible things she and her fellow captives had endured. All the cries of pain, all their shared tears, all the ravaging to her own body made her cry harder. She felt so unworthy of the arms that held her, but she lacked the strength to get away. That just made her cry even more.