Emmy Laybourne - Savage Drift

A cloth suit for protection? Not from me.

I could taste his blood in my mouth I wanted it so bad.

To the machine, I pushed him.

But he was too strong. He threw me down.

And then I was on the ground and a cloth man was standing with one boot on my chest.

Machine gun! He had one! I would get it. And then I could—

“Sorry, kid,” came his voice.

And he brought the gun down on my head.

It’s dark in my room and then I’m being shaken awake.

It’s Dr. Cutlass.

My heart starts to hammer. With each pound I am coming up, fighting through the layers of sludge in my head, shattering through the headache and I’m there.

And I’m ready to fight. If I wasn’t CUFFED to the godforsaken BED.

I see he’s got an orderly with him. Not the one from before.

Oh God, the orderly is taping up black plastic over the CAMERA!

They’ve come to take me and do the testing against my will.

If, if, if. If they take the restraints off, for a second, I’ll take the doctor’s head off.

I’ll scratch up his handsome, lying face.

“Don’t touch me!” I shout.

“Shhh!” Cutlass says.

“I do not give you permission. I do NOT!”

“Shut up!” he says. “That’s not why I’m here. Be quiet! Listen to me!”

I’m shaking—muscles vibrating with rage and terror.

“I’m not doing the testing without your consent. Calm down.” All this he says in a hushed voice.

I make myself slow my breath.

BANG. BANG. Bang. Bang. Beat by beat my heart slows.

“What kind of person do you think I am?” he asks me.

A monster, I want to tell him. A bully.

I won’t apologize.

“I’m here because I have good news.”

“What?”

“At ten twenty-nine this evening a young man presented himself at the gates and requested a visit.”

“Oh my God, Niko?”

He nods. A big smile on his face.

“Really?”

I can’t believe it. And then I realize—I shouldn’t believe it. This is a trick.

“You sign the consent form and I’ll have him brought up right now.”

Could it be? Could Niko have followed me here?

He could have. He could have found out they’d taken me here and Niko could get here. Hitchhiking or even stealing a car.

“That’s why I asked Jimmy to cover the camera,” Dr. Cutlass says. “If I let him come up, during the middle of the night, it’s completely against the rules. I’m taking a big risk.”

“How do I know he’s really there?”

“Hmmm.” Cutlass smiles. Turns to Jimmy, the orderly, who’s leaning against the wall. “She’s a smart one. I told you, Jimmy. Can’t fool her.”

He takes out a minitab and dials a number.

“This is Dr. Cutlass. Do you still have Niko Mills in the office there? Put him on.”

And he puts the phone up to my ear.

“Hello?” I say.

I hear his voice.

It is Niko. It is .

“Josie?”

“Niko? Are you here ?”

“I’m in security, Josie. They say they’re going to let me see you, maybe. I don’t know. But I’m here. I’m here.”

I’m crying now and we’re talking at the same time. Me saying: “Niko, I can’t believe you came for me.” And him saying: “I can’t believe I found you, Josie.”

Tears are sliding down my face and I can’t wipe them away because of the restraints.

Dr. Cutlass shuts off the phone. He takes out the sheaf of papers.

“So here’s what happens next,” he instructs me. “Jimmy will remove the restraints. You will sign this consent form, and Niko will be brought to your room and he can even spend the night here.”

I am already nodding.

I don’t ask what will happen in the morning.

“And of course, there will be a guard stationed outside the door.”

I nod.

I just want to see him.

In the bathroom, I splash cold water on my face. I brush my teeth with the little toothbrush set they’ve given me.

There’s a bottle of lotion, too, and I rub it on my face and arms and bare legs, which stick out from my voluminous blue medical gown like lollipop sticks.

The lotion smells like vanilla. That’s good.

I wish I had a belt. I wish I had a tube of lip gloss.

I look at myself in the mirror.

A smile, a real smile, flashes on the glass.

It’s happiness. A sweet burst of joy.

It feels like the first time my heart has filled with something light and pretty in a lifetime—I’m going to see my boyfriend.

I pat my hair, like there’s anything to be done with it.

And then there’s a knock on the door.

I open the door and there stands Niko Mills.

Somehow, I’m nervous for him to look at me closely so I just rush into his arms.

He holds me tight to his thin body.

He smells sour and sweaty and dirty and wonderful. I see his hair is caked to his head with sweat.

I see Dr. Cutlass and Jimmy in the hall. Cutlass is grinning like he bagged big game and there’s a guard there, with a big gun.

Niko releases me and I step back.

There’s a moment where no one knows what to do.

“We’ll see you in the morning, Josie. Niko can stay here until then and I’ve given the order for you two to be left alone,” Cutlass tells me.

“Come in,” I say. It seems like a weird thing to say but the whole thing is weird.

He comes in and shuts the door behind him.

Niko is carrying a gray backpack. He looks… he looks the same. Same serious expression. He seems maybe a bit younger than I remember him.

Now that he’s here I have no idea what to do.

I fiddle with my bed, tucking the sheets in at the foot and making it smooth.

“I’ve been so worried about you,” Niko says.

I can’t quite look at him. I don’t know. I’m antsy. I’m nervous.

“When I saw those men beating you up… No one was helping you! And then the drift. It was… was gruesome, Josie. I’ve never seen anything like it. The ground was running blood.”

He says all this and the energy in me won’t settle down. I sort of don’t want him to get a good look at me. I know I’ve aged. I probably look like a dried-up hag to him. Or some stranger.

“Josie,” he says. “Josie?”