Laurell Hamilton - Never After

No , I couldn’t do it. I’d always be wondering when and where the end would come, because selkies on their own didn’t last long. And if the Finfolk got hold of me, it would be worse.

As I stood there, ankle-deep in the water, another thought crept into my mind. There was one option I’d overlooked. I could end it now . Walk into the sea in human form. Drowning was easy—just let the breath go and close my eyes as I drifted in the arms of the Ocean Mother. Everything would be over… all the worry, all the fear of disappointing everyone.

Marrying Terrance was out of the question, and my parents had effectively handed me over to him. Life alone at sea was too dangerous. I couldn’t stay in the city—Terrance would find me. I couldn’t go home to the Orkneys—he’d follow me there, too.

Dazed and feeling betrayed, I slowly began to wade into the water, the skirts of my dress floating on the surface as the chill hit me to the core. Even in June, the water was cold. As I breathlessly made my way in up to my knees, my toes curled around the silt and I reveled in the feel of the soft, wet sand.

A loud, resounding noise startled me out of my thoughts and I jerked my gaze across the cove. An ocean liner was pulling into port, returning from America, no doubt, where thousands of emigrants were flocking in hopes of better days and a life that might promise something other than poverty and starvation. Fresh starts and new beginnings. That’s what they hope for.

For a moment, I dismissed the gigantic hull of a boat from my mind, but then… I looked at it again. Queenstown—or Cobh, as it had been known for centuries before some idiot human had renamed it after the queen—was an integral port to the world. And now, as I gazed at the ship, an idea began to form. What if I was on that boat when it sailed? The liner would leave soon—they were sailing quickly, to meet the demand. What if I booked passage on the Umbria and simply vanished into a new life?

My stomach quivered. I’d be leaving my family, leaving my home for a distant shore to… What future did I have in America? Any future you want to make. The thought echoed as I turned the idea over in my mind. I couldn’t really do this. Could I?

But if I didn’t… Terrance’s face loomed large in my thoughts again and I began to shake. I couldn’t let him touch me again.

“I want you,” he’d said, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

I darted away from him. Something about him made my skin crawl. I’d shaken off his hand when he tried to hold mine, but his fingers on my face felt so much more invasive. I’d gone on the walk with him only because my father insisted that I get out of the house. Get some fresh air, he’d said.

“Terry, I don’t feel that way about you.” I tried to lighten my words in order to take away the sting, but no matter how I said it, it was a rejection. “I’m stubborn, my family says. I honestly don’t know what I want but I’m not really looking for marriage right now.”

Not exactly the truth, but close enough. I was looking for love, but only with the right person. I was looking for a man who made my heart beat faster, who made my pulse race and my breath catch in my throat because I wanted him more than I wanted anybody or anything else.

Terry snorted. “You don’t have to feel the same way.” As he moved closer, I danced to the other side, wading through the knee-deep grass that ran along the side of the cliff overlooking the harbor.

“Look—the ships are coming into port.” I tried to change the subject, calculating the distance between us as I darted out of his reach. There was something in his eyes that made me want to run home and lock the door behind me. He was ruthless, a man who would do whatever it took to get what he wanted.

“You don’t have to love me. I don’t care. I want you, Siobhan Morgan, and you’re a fool if you refuse me. I can give you everything. I can give you riches and security. I can make you a princess. And I can protect your family. All you have to do is obey me. That’s all I ask in return.”

I kept my mouth shut. My family was coming off a rough spot. Six years ago, we’d been forced to leave our home in the Orkneys because there wasn’t enough to eat—even the sea had turned fickle on us. We’d come to Queenstown and found a house. My brothers had found work on the docks and my mother took in washing. My father mostly drank. We kept to ourselves and managed to survive. But life was still hard, and my mother’s back was always sore.

I tried to imagine accepting his offer. What he could do for our family… But another look in his eyes squelched any thought I had of saying yes. My heart was pounding out a warning. Terry wasn’t safe. He reminded me of the Finfolk, a deadly and treacherous man.

“No, thank you.” I let out a long sigh. “But I appreciate the offer.” Not good to make one of the Pod royalty angry.

He let out a sharp laugh and jumped forward, grabbing my wrist.

“Then we’re into the chase,” he said, his face red. I could feel the waves of excitement rolling off him and I stumbled, trying to get away. But Terry was heavier and taller than I, and before I could break his grasp, he knocked me to the ground and landed on top of me. As he pushed up my skirts, his hands fumbling along my thighs, his eyes gleamed.

“I’m glad you said no,” he whispered. “I like a challenge.”

I began to scream, but he clapped his hand over my mouth and gave me a wicked grin. “Now, now, you wouldn’t want that sweet little brother of yours to go missing… to become shark food, would you?”

As his meaning echoed in my thoughts, I closed my eyes and thought of the sea. She was always there, and she would cleanse me and heal me when he was done. But Terry didn’t want me to miss out on the fun, and as he drove himself into me, I let out a little cry and realized that no matter how many times I bathed, I’d never get the feel of him off me.

I parked in front of our house and raced up the stairs. The two-story cottage was modest, but it belonged to Mitch and me, and it was home. As I closed the door behind me, all I could think about was barring the past. I flipped the lock and started to call out for Mitch, but then stopped. He was off on a job. Mitch was a contractor and renovated old houses for a company of property flippers. And one other thing had occurred to me on the way home.

I’d never told Mitch the truth about my past. At first, I was afraid that if the Puget Sound Harbor Seal Pod discovered that I’d been engaged to Terry, they might make me return home and face the consequences. Then, after Mitch and I found out about our daughter, it seemed a moot point.

I forced myself into the kitchen where I put the kettle on and grabbed the chamomile tea, fumbling to get the bags out of the box. I had to calm down, to think clearly. As I slid into a chair at the table, waiting for the kettle to whistle, I pulled out my cell phone. Terrance’s number came up as blocked.

So, point number one: I had no idea where he was, but he knew where I was. At least, he knew my phone number.

Point number two: He wanted me back, which meant I wasn’t safe. And another little matter to consider: What would he do when he found out I was pregnant with another man’s child? But even as I asked myself the question, I knew the answer. Terrance would take out his anger by forcing me to miscarry. I knew him. He was the prince of his people. And when dealing with royalty, especially in the Supe Community, bloodlines were everything. He wouldn’t want another man’s child crowding out his own.

I glanced at the clock as I moved to pour my tea. I couldn’t tell Mitch, not until I knew how I was going to handle this. He’d freak out. He’d have to know at some point, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized he’d go off half-cocked and get himself hurt.