Laurell Hamilton - Bullet

“The werehyenas are a third, or more, of the security for Jean-Claude,” Micah said.

“Not my problem,” Asher said.

“You’d really cut our manpower that badly, knowing that there are masters out there who would see that as weakness and try to kill us?” I asked.

“I cannot stay here and have my heart broken over and over, Anita. I will go mad. Either I must be someone’s lover, or I must go.”

“Wait,” I said, “you’re my lover. You’re my lover in every way that any other man has been. I haven’t denied you any part of me.”

He looked at me, and I gave him a look back. “Oh, come on, just because I don’t like anal. No one else gets to do that, either.”

“It’s not you he wants,” Micah said.

Asher looked at him. “Are you saying it’s you I’m pining over?”

“You said that Jean-Claude loved Anita better than you; well, don’t you love Jean-Claude better than you love Anita?”

Asher looked at Micah, and finally he nodded. “Touché, Nimir-Raj. I have loved Jean-Claude for centuries, so yes. Did you know that I chose Julianna as my human servant because I feared I was losing Jean-Claude’s love?”

Jean-Claude said something rapid in French. He was sitting forward and looked startled at last.

Asher went on. “I never told you because it was too pathetic. You know I like women, but I like men more. Didn’t you ever puzzle at why I chose to tie myself to a woman as my human servant?”

“You loved her,” Jean-Claude said.

“Eventually, but I chose her for you. I knew what you liked and I shopped with an eye for keeping you, not for satisfying myself, and it worked. It worked better than I could have dreamed. I should have realized that I had set myself up for the two people I loved most in the world to love each other more than they loved me.”

Jean-Claude made as if to reach out to the other man, and then let his hand fall back. “We did not mean to hurt you.”

“You never mean to hurt me, Jean-Claude, but you do seem to keep doing it.” He turned back to us. “What does Micah deny you, Nathaniel? What do you want him to do that he will not?”

Nathaniel looked at Micah, who just nodded. No one looked at me; in that moment it was just the men. “I’d like him to go down on me and do me by hand.”

“You are denied everything I am denied; how can you be happy?”

“I just am,” Nathaniel said.

“He’s not denied everything,” Micah said.

“I have heard the truth,” Asher said.

That first roll of power trickled off of Micah’s skin. His beast peeking out with his anger. “He said he wanted me to go down on him and do him by hand.”

“Exactement.”

“You only hear what you want to hear tonight, Asher. Let’s just say I can prove that Nathaniel really does have absolutely no gag reflex.”

There was a moment of thunderous silence. Micah glared at Asher. Nathaniel looked pleased and tried not to. I had no safe place to look and no idea what expression to wear.

“Was Anita with you?” Jean-Claude asked.

“Yes,” Micah said.

“Ma petite.”

I didn’t want to look at him.

“ Ma petite , look at me.”

I’ve turned and faced men with guns when it took less courage than to meet Jean-Claude’s eyes in that moment. “This is a recent change?”

I nodded.

“What did you think? How did you feel about it?”

I so did not want to discuss this in front of people, but damn it, if I was really all right with it, why was it embarrassing? Damn it. “Without the ardeur I have a gag reflex, and Micah . . .”

“Is bien outillé , well hung, oui ,” Jean-Claude said.

“Yes, so one afternoon we took turns going down on Micah.” I said it fast as if that made it sound more ladylike, but some things just aren’t ladylike and sucking a man’s dick is one of them. I loved doing it, but . . . Oh, hell. I was blushing so hard I was light-headed. I thought I’d stopped blushing like that, damn it.

Micah and Nathaniel each touched an arm, which meant I looked as shaky as I felt.

“And have you done it since?” Jean-Claude asked.

I swallowed and concentrated. I would not faint. I never fainted. Fuck. I kept a good hold on both their arms and said, “Not the taking turns part, but Nathaniel going down on Micah, yes.”

“And you are all right with it?”

“Jesus, Jean-Claude, I’m not the small-town virgin that you found years ago. Give me some credit for being a little more open-minded. The three of us have shared a bed for over two years.”

“You are right, ma petite ; I remembered you as of old and didn’t trust you.”

“So, you would be all right with Jean-Claude and me being lovers.”

“Yes.”

“Would you be all right in bed with us while we touched?” Jean-Claude asked.

“Depends on the touch, but I like men. When you and I did Augustine together, I learned I liked seeing men kiss each other, and I love watching Nathaniel and Micah together. I love . . . Look, don’t blame this mess on me. I didn’t keep you from Asher; you decided that on your own.”

“I thought it was you I was protecting, but Asher is right, it was me.” He looked at the other man. “You almost consumed me once before Julianna. It wasn’t that you were a man that had made me withdraw, it was that your power works on vampires, too. You were very close to making me your slave, and if I wasn’t willing to be Belle Morte’s slave, then I wouldn’t be yours.”

“So another man brought in would have worked as well?” Asher asked.

Jean-Claude smiled and shook his head. “No, you chose well for my heart. Julianna was everything I could have dreamed of in a woman at that time.”

“You don’t have to add the at that time for my benefit, Jean-Claude. I know you loved her; hell, I’ve felt the memories.”

“The person who loved Julianna died when she died.”

“We all died that day,” Asher said.

“Yes,” Jean-Claude said.

The silence sat for a minute full of old sorrow and older loss. Then Micah said, “But if Anita were with you, would you want to be Asher’s lover?”

Jean-Claude looked at Micah, then at me, and finally he looked directly across the room at Asher. “Yes.”

“Just empty words,” Asher said, “to save your hyenas and your power base.”

Jean-Claude stood up and held his hand out to me. “Ma petite.” I admit I hesitated, but I went and took his hand. Then Jean-Claude turned and held out his hand to the other vampire.

Asher said, “You mean now?”

“You say words are empty. Let me show you actions.”

I looked from one to the other of them, and fought a sudden panicking feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but it was all moving a little too fast for me and I had a niggling feeling that I was missing something.

Asher stood up. The werehyenas behind him asked, “What do you want us to do?”

“Whatever you were doing. Do your jobs.” He went to Jean-Claude’s outstretched hand without a backward glance at the two shapeshifters, and that was why Asher would probably never have his own territory. It wasn’t lack of power, but lack of wanting power. He would always let his heart overrule his head, and Masters of the City don’t survive long making decisions like that.

Jean-Claude led us toward the curtains. The guards standing there scattered as if we’d shouted Boo . Jason was on the other side of them. He raised eyebrows, and just his expression let me know he’d heard and knew what was happening. I reached out my free hand and he gave me his. The moment I touched him his power flared over me like heat in a summer meadow. It felt so good, and then I smelled trees, leaves, forest, and I knew that there were more wolves just outside the big dungeon door.