Simon Green - A Hard Day's Knight

“What do you mean, it’s not over yet?” said Suzie. “Who is there left to kill that needs killing?”

“We still have to find a way home,” I said, in that calm, kind, and very reasonable tone I happen to know drives her absolutely batshit. “The Door we came through doesn’t exist in this dimension, and my Portable Timeslip doesn’t work here.”

Suzie sniffed. “When in doubt, go to the top. Why don’t you ask Gaea? Maybe she could ... ring up her opposite number. Or something.”

“Full marks for optimism,” I murmured. “But any port in a storm ... I really don’t feel like walking home.”

“Not through all that mud,” said Suzie. I can never tell when she’s joking.

So we went over to Sinister Albion’s Gaea, and I bowed politely and explained the situation. Gaea started nodding half-way through and actually interrupted me before I could finish.

“I know who you are,” she said. “And how and why you came here. I know you because your world’s Gaea knows you. We’re all aspects of the same person, or personification. It’s complicated.”

“Really,” I said. “You do surprise me.”

“You want a slap?” said Gaea. “Then pipe down and pay attention. Of course I can get you home. All Earths are linked, on all kinds of levels. From the Dreamtime to the Chronoflow, you can always find some Door to open if you knock loudly enough. Ah ... It’s good to be back! I have been asleep for far too long, John Taylor, and you are responsible for waking me. It was the presence of Excalibur in this land that brought me back, you see, an Excalibur that wasn’t mine. I came here to investigate and found that you and your friends had already brought down Merlin Satanspawn and Morgan Le Fae, and set free all the trapped souls of this world. If I’d known it was that easy, I’d have done it myself centuries ago. Ah well ... Now that I’m back, I think I’ll stick round for a while to see what happens next. Stark and Julianne seem capable enough, and there’s a lot to be done. I am ... weakened by Merlin’s long centuries of abuse, but I am still Mother Earth, and all this land’s secrets are an open book to me.

“Now I have to talk to you, John Taylor, about the sword you carry, the Excalibur of your world. It was given to you because you have a destiny.”

It was my turn to interrupt her. “If you’re about to tell me that it is my duty to be King of the Nightside, you can forget it. I’ve already turned that down once. I didn’t want it then, and I don’t want it now.”

“Good,” said Gaea. “Because you’re not worthy.”

“You want a slap?” said Suzie. “Or failing that, two barrels of blessed and cursed ammo right between the eyes?”

“Please don’t upset the planetary personification,” I murmured. “Particularly one who’s about to provide us with a ride home.”

“Don’t get sassy with me, little miss,” said Gaea. “Or I’ll give you a period you’ll never forget.” She gave me her full attention. “You were given your special dispensation to bear Excalibur, for a time, because it is your duty and destiny to deliver the sword to King Arthur. The once-and-future King of your world. You get to do this because you are one of the few people who wouldn’t be tempted to hang on to the sword for yourself. You have already faced greater temptations and did not yield. You have no idea how rare that is.”

“All right,” I said. “Putting aside for the moment a whole bunch of questions and denials, why Arthur? And why now?”

“King Arthur is the only one who can stop the coming elf civil war,” said Gaea. “Which will quite definitely devastate your world, and destroy all of Humanity, when the elves use the Earth as their battle-field. Both sides have had centuries to prepare for this war; and they have more powerful weapons, both magical and scientific, than all of the human nations put together. The elves will tear your world apart, fighting over it. Only King Arthur can prevent this.”

I considered Gaea thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t the Gaea of my world prefer the elves in charge rather than Humanity? After all the ecological damage my people have done?”

“The elves would be worse,” Gaea said flatly. “The elves don’t have Humanity’s conscience or restraint.”

“We beat the elves before,” said Suzie.

“No, you didn’t,” Gaea said crushingly. “You outbred and outnumbered them. And you had the Droods on your side. They found the Sundered Lands for the elves, when asked to by the elves. By that time, they wanted to leave the Earth. There are lots of theories as to why, but nobody really knows. Not even my other self. In fact, some of the elves were so ... concerned, they hid themselves away in Shadows Fall, because they thought that would be safer. But the elves did not prosper, in either of their new homes, and now they wish to return and claim the Earth for themselves again. Whoever or whatever they might once have been afraid of, apparently that isn’t so any more.”

“I spy a small but subtle hole in the whole destiny thing,” I said. “How am I supposed to get Excalibur to King Arthur when nobody knows where he is? Even the London Knights don’t know, and if the London bloody Knights don’t know ...”

“Use your gift,” said Gaea. “Find him.”

“Ah,” I said. “Now why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because it’s all a wild goose chase?” said Suzie.

“There is still the problem of how we get home,” I said to Gaea, in my very best polite and respectful tone.

“Walk into my fountain,” said Gaea. “I am still the Lady of the Lake, and all waters are mine.”

She smiled at me, ignored Suzie, turned her back on us, and strode away to talk with Stark and Julianne. Suzie and I turned to look at the fountain through which Gaea arrived. It was still shooting a good twenty feet into the air, its cool clear waters bubbling noisily. There was an increasingly large area of clean marble floor round it. I hoped the Court had good drainage.

“It’s a fountain,” said Suzie. “Great big bubbly water thing. It doesn’t even look like a Doorway.”

“It’s not like we’re loaded down with options,” I said. “Maybe the Doorway’s behind the water.”

Suzie walked round it twice. “Not a sign.”

“You can be so literal, sometimes,” I said.

I walked into the fountain, and Suzie strode quickly along beside me, her head held high. I grabbed her by the hand, so that whatever happened we wouldn’t be separated, and barely had time to take a really deep breath before the water closed over both of us. My first thought was of how cool and refreshing the water felt after so long in the filth and stench of Sinister Albion, then the floor dropped out from under my feet, and I was falling helplessly. I clamped down hard on Suzie’s hand, and she held on to me just as tightly, but I couldn’t see her anywhere. There was nothing but the water, rushing past me as I fell and fell into endless depths. My lungs strained for air, and I hoped Suzie had thought to take a deep breath, too. We sank down and down, then suddenly, without actually changing direction, we were rising, forced up by the pressure of the rushing water, until finally Suzie and I broke the surface together. A low stone wall appeared before me, and I grabbed on to it with my free hand. Suzie was right there beside me, and we hung on to the wall together, gasping like beached fish. It was only then that I realised we were in the oracle wishing well, in the Mammon Emporium.

Suzie and I clung to the stone wall while the oracle made loud coughing and hacking noises and complained bitterly about frogs in its throat. My lungs were working overtime, my heart was hammering in my chest, and I was soaked right down to the skin; but still, it was good to be home. I grinned at Suzie, and she smiled briefly back. We’d survived another one.