Simon Green - Spirits from Beyond

“Something very old,” said Kim. “Something The Flesh Undying thinks it can use against us. That’s one of the reasons why I stayed away so long, guys. Because I didn’t want to put you in even more danger. But I finally saw a chance to come home again, and I took it. I have a plan; so let’s hope I’m as smart as I think I am. If you want to keep me, JC, you’re going to have to go down there into the dark and fight for me.”

JC grinned. “Isn’t that how we first met?”

They smiled at each other.

“I can’t help noticing,” Happy said loudly, “that I still haven’t had an answer to my question. What the hell is down there? ”

“Tell me,” said Kim. “What do you guys know about Druids?”

“Oh hell,” said Happy. “The answer hasn’t even started yet, and already I hate it. You mean the real Druids, the original Druids? Scary, and I mean seriously scary. Not like the current bunch, the Stonehenge botherers. Big, hairy, refried-hippie, tree-hugger types. The original pre-Roman bunch were seriously nasty, bad-arse, mystic warriors. Heavily into murder magic, human sacrifice, burning their enemies en masse in giant Wicker Men. .”

“Good film, that,” said JC.

“Bloody good film,” said Happy. “Which only goes to show we shouldn’t mess around with anything that involves real Druids. We’re only supposed to deal with ghosts. I think we should back away, very carefully and at speed, and turn this whole thing over to someone with more experience in this field. Like the Droods.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” said Melody. “They’re scarier than the Druids ever were.”

“True,” said Happy.

“You deal with the dead,” said Kim. “And what’s waiting for us down there very definitely qualifies.”

“Only back ten minutes, and already I’m getting into situations that give me twitches in the backstairs department,” muttered Happy.

“Tell me more about Druids,” said JC. “I never was very big on ancient history.”

“The old-time Druids dealt with wood and water, fire and earth,” said Melody, patiently. “And like the Nature they worshipped, the Druids were red in tooth and claw. So seriously hard-core they actually shocked the hardened Roman Legionnaires. Three times the Roman armies tried to invade Britain, and twice the Druids drove them back into the sea, till the waters ran red with blood up and down the coast. The Romans only won the third time, in 55 B.C., because they were able to sneak in agents and get the various British tribes fighting each other. The Romans practically invented Divide and Conquer. But, you have to remember that the Druids had an entirely oral tradition of knowledge, with information passed only from mouth to mouth. Nothing was ever written down, to preserve their ancient mysteries. So the only written records we have of the Druids at that time are Roman writings. People with no interest in presenting the Druids in a good light.”

“So they were actually good guys?” said Happy.

“No,” said Kim. “Not by any definition we could be comfortable with.”

“Druids worshipped the triple goddess,” said Melody. “Macha, Badb, Neman. More gorecrows than gods, they thrived on slaughter and butchery. And then, there was Lud. .”

“And then there was Lud,” said Kim. “A very ancient Being, he predated the Druids who worshipped him. Long dead now, of course.”

“Good,” said Happy. “Anyone the Druids worshipped is not someone you’d want to meet in a dark catacomb. You are sure he’s dead?”

“Oh quite definitely,” said Kim. “I’ve seen the body. That’s why we’re going down into the Undertowen-to talk with him.”

They all looked at her.

“Are you saying,” Happy said carefully, “that somewhere down there, is the ghost of an old god?”

“Ghost of an old monster, anyway,” Kim said cheerfully. “Surrounded, of course, by all kinds of other dead things of an equally upsetting and dangerous nature.”

“Including a whole army of dead Druids, perchance?” said Melody.

“Exactly!” said Kim.

“I’m going home,” said Happy. “Right now. Really. Watch me.”

“I thought you wanted to fight for me?” said Kim.

“Well, yes, but,” said Happy.

“And there you have his entire character, in a nutshell,” said Melody.

“Come along, children,” said JC. “Lovely night for a stroll in the Undertowen. We are going down!”

“Of course we are,” said Melody.

And then she broke off, as Happy produced a pill bottle from one of his jacket pockets. He studied the handwritten label carefully, put the bottle away again, and fished out another. He nodded over the label, undid the screw cap, and knocked back two of the pills quickly, swallowing hard. Melody stared at him, openly shocked.

“Happy!” she said finally. “You swore you didn’t need those any more. . You promised me you’d thrown them all away!”

“I lied,” said Happy, meeting her angry gaze unflinchingly. “I do that sometimes. When necessary. To keep the peace.”

“You don’t need pills any more!” Melody said fiercely. “You’ve got me!”

“You make me feel safe,” said Happy. “But you can’t make me feel brave. To go down into a place like this takes more of me than I’ve got.”

Melody turned to JC. “Do Something! Say something!”

“He’s a grown man,” said JC. “He can make his own decisions. He knows what he needs better than you or I.”

“Sorry, Melody,” said Happy. “But love can only take me so far. After that, it takes chemical courage to push me over the edge.”

His eyes were already glassy, and his smile was a lot wider than they were used to seeing of late. Melody glared at him coldly.

“We will talk about this later.”

“If there is a later,” said Happy. He went right up to the edge of the great chasm and looked down the long steps into the dark. “Ooh. . You’re right, Kim. They really aren’t steps at all, are they?”

“What are you Seeing down there, Happy, that the rest of us aren’t?” said JC. And if he was as surprised and shocked as Melody at Happy’s return to a chemical crutch, he kept it out of his voice. He had a job to do.

“Let’s just say. . When I say It’s quiet, too quiet , that means something,” said Happy. “In this case. . it means Something’s down there waiting for us. And not in a good way. Let’s go say hello!”

He went clattering quickly down the stone steps, taking them two at a time, and the others had no choice but to hurry down after him.

* * *

The stone steps felt real enough, solid enough, under JC’s feet as he took over the lead from Happy. On the grounds that if you were heading into danger, the one leading the way should have at least some of his survival instincts still working. The small group moved steadily down into the depths, surrounded by a small pool of moon-pale light with no obvious source. JC couldn’t help noticing that none of their feet made any noise at all on the apparently solid stone steps. Without any landmarks, it was hard to get any real sense of descent, or time passing, until the stairway suddenly stopped without warning, and they were Somewhere Else.

The catacombs stretched away before them: ancient stone galleries, with corridors and passageways, endlessly turning and branching. Rough stone arches, all of them full of shadows and darkness. Dusty openings and endless grey avenues led off in every direction. Old stone, without markings or character, constructed to serve a purpose and a function, not decoration. The silence was complete, hanging heavily over everything. JC looked at Melody, who was hanging on to her machine-pistol like a security blanket. She actually jumped slightly when he turned to her.