Simon Green - Property of a Lady Faire

“You youngsters, you think you invented secrets. Now, this all goes back to when your grandfather Arthur, the Regent, was doing dirty work for the family. They used my father cruelly, and there was nothing I could do . . .”

I leaned forward. I couldn’t help myself. “Do you know who in the family gave the Regent his orders, and chose his targets for him?”

“Are you asking this for yourself?” said the Armourer. “Or for Molly?”

“Does it matter?” I said.

“I suppose not . . . It was mostly the people who went on to create Zero Tolerance. And Mother, of course, as Matriarch, because my father never could say no to her. And make it stick. But as to who ordered the Regent to kill Molly’s parents . . . I couldn’t tell you. I was out of the loop in those days, mostly by my own choice. I could see which way the wind was blowing, and I didn’t want any part in it. I just kept myself busy in the Armoury and kept my head down. Eddie . . . it could have been any of a dozen people, most of whom are dead now anyway. Does it really matter? The family gave the order, so the family must take responsibility.”

The Armourer paused, and looked at me thoughtfully. “And Molly’s parents did have it coming, Eddie. Your Molly made quite a name for herself, back in the day, as a supernatural terrorist . . . But all of that was nothing compared to some of the things her parents did, in the name of the White Horse Faction. They put the terror in terrorism . . . They had to be stopped.”

“Are you going to tell Molly that, or should I?” I said.

“Probably best if nobody does,” said the Armourer. “Better for all concerned . . . Anyway, when your grandfather finally realised he was just being used, and walked away from his family for the second time, he took a number of useful things with him. Partly to punish the family, partly to help fund his new organisation. And one of the things he took . . . was the Lazarus Stone. Because he didn’t trust what the Zero Tolerance people might do with it.

“There was a hell of a row in the family, afterwards, when they discovered the Stone was gone. But by the time they’d worked out who’d taken it, your grandfather had already made himself into the Regent of Shadows, a man of influence and power in his own right. And the Matriarch wasn’t ready to go to war with him over a few missing items. The Zero Tolerance people couldn’t explain how important the Stone was without revealing their own intentions . . . And then, of course, a lot of things happened, which you know very well because you were there for most of them, and the Lazarus Stone . . . was forgotten. I knew Father had it, because I helped him steal it. You must understand, Eddie-the Regent didn’t take the Stone because he wanted to use it; he just didn’t want anyone else to use it.”

I looked at him steadily. We’d finally got to the point I’d been dreading.

“You do know what’s happened, Uncle Jack . . . at the Department of Uncanny?”

“Of course I know,” he said. “All hell’s breaking loose up in the War Room, though no one’s decided what to do yet. Yes, Eddie, I know. They told me as soon as the news came in. My father is dead. Finally dead for real, lost to us all. It’s been a hard few years for me, Eddie. First I lost my brother James, and then my mother, the Matriarch, and now my father. And my son, Timothy, of course, but then . . . he was lost to me years ago. Still, the family endures. The family goes on. That’s what they teach us, and it is a comfort, I suppose.” He looked at me sharply. “You were there, Eddie. How were they able to kill the Regent? He had Kayleigh’s Eye! I gave it to him before he left, to keep him safe!”

“Somebody took it from him,” I said. “Ripped it right out of his chest. How is that even possible, Uncle Jack?”

“I don’t know,” said the Armourer. “Nothing magical or high tech could even touch it . . . Brute force, maybe. Do you know who, or what, was able to destroy the whole Department of Uncanny?”

“No,” I said. “It was all over by the time Molly and I got there. No evidence left anywhere, to point a finger.”

“The family thinks you did it.”

“What?”

I started to get up, but the Armourer gestured sharply for me to sit down again.

“I don’t believe a word of it,” he said. “And neither will they, once they’ve calmed down a bit. But apparently you and Molly were seen fleeing the scene after the massacre. And it’s not just the family. The word is out everywhere that you’re responsible. That Molly took her revenge on the Regent for the killing of her parents, and the two of you wiped out everyone else when they tried to stop you.”

“That’s not what happened!” I said.

“I know,” said the Armourer. “I wasn’t born yesterday! But mostly, everyone else wants your blood for this. Pretty much every organisation in our line of work is on the lookout for you two.” The Armourer scowled briefly. “This is all so well organised, you’d think someone arranged it . . . I can turn the family around, but it’s going to take time. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather drop this mission of yours, just for now, so you can beg the family’s forgiveness and accept their protection? For Molly’s sake, as well as yours?”

“I can’t,” I said. “And if you knew why, you wouldn’t want me to.”

“Oh,” said the Armourer, nodding wisely. “One of those cases, eh? But, Eddie, how were they able to get to the Regent? Do you know?”

“Grandfather left me a final message,” I said. “It seems there was a traitor inside the Department, who lowered all the shields and let the enemy in. He didn’t know who. They were there for the Lazarus Stone. But I have reason to believe the Regent didn’t have it.”

“Of course not,” said the Armourer. “He gave it to James, long ago.”

“What?” I said.

The Armourer winced. “Please stop doing that, Eddie. It goes right through me. Now, where was I . . . Oh yes. You have to remember, Eddie, that while I was in touch with your grandfather on and off through the years, it all had to be very much under the radar. The family couldn’t know. For my safety, and yours, and your parents’. So a lot happened that I only heard about later, after the fact. The Regent gave the Lazarus Stone to your uncle James, because James asked him for it. And James . . . gave the Stone to the Lady Faire.”

“What?”

“Eddie, either you keep the volume down or I will plunge you into a bath of industrial-strength tranquiliser! We don’t want the rest of the family coming down here to see what’s going on. Do we?”

“But he gave it away? To the Lady Faire? Why would he do that?”

“Because there’s no fool like an old fool,” said the Armourer. “James had an affair with the Lady, perhaps because he was getting on and needed one more chance to play his legend. To be the illustrious Grey Fox . . . To prove to himself that he wasn’t getting old . Other people buy a Porsche . . . You do know who and what the Lady Faire is, Eddie?”

“Not really,” I admitted. “Just rumours. You do hear things, out in the field, whether you want to or not. Isn’t she supposed to be . . . well, the ultimate courtesan?”

“The Lady Faire is much more than that,” the Armourer said sternly. “The Lady Faire is a ladything. You know, like a ladyboy, only even more so. Oh, do try to keep up, Eddie-we’re both a bit old for me to be explaining the birds and bees to you. The Lady Faire is an omnisexual, the ultimate sexual object. All things to all people, and indeed, all people to all things . . .”

“I have no idea what that means,” I said.

“You’ve led a sheltered life, haven’t you, boy?” said the Armourer. “We used to get out a lot more, when I was a field agent. It was expected of us. You could learn a hell of a lot more through pillow talk than through burgling an office . . . Look, the Lady Faire is . . . Oh well, we might as well use the term . . . She ’s not male or female, but a combination of both. A whole that is supposed to be far greater than the sum of its parts. If you’ll pardon the expression. She’s beautiful, bewitching, irresistible-the ultimate honey trap. You know, seduce them, wring all their secrets out of them, and then throw them to the wolves. The Lady Faire is every love and lover you ever dreamed of, especially the ones where you wake up screaming, in a cold sweat. One of the Baron Frankenstein’s more inventive creations, when he was getting old, and a bit kinky.”