Лиза Макманн: Fade

Janie doesn’t want to open her eyes, and then he’s there, on top of her and her blankets, kissing her ear. “Next time, kick me out of the bed,” he whispers. The weight of him feels amazing on her body.

Maybe it’s because she’s numb so often.

Or because she was so numb inside, before she let him in.

She opens her eyes slowly. It takes her a moment to adjust to the bright kitchen light, shining in her eyes. “Can we rearrange the furniture this weekend?” she asks sleepily. “So when I sleep out here, you don’t shine all of Satan’s fiery hell lights in my eyes first thing in the morning?”

“Awww. Don’t be grumpy. We’re going into the best time of our lives.

Be excited!”

He’s joking.

Everyone who is heading to college knows that the best semester comes in four more years. Although this one will probably be easier.

Awake now, she shoves him off her, even though she’d rather lie like this all day. “Shower,” she mumbles, shuffling off in that direction. Her muscles ache from working out. But it’s a good ache.

When she emerges, breakfast is on the table.

She’s finally gotten used to eating here, at this table.

After Cabel’s nightmare about the knives and all.

And then she has to go.

Back to her house to check on her mother and get her car.

She clings to him.

She doesn’t understand why.

Except it makes her happy.

He kisses her.

She kisses him.

They kiss.

And then she goes.

Out the door, crunching through the crust on eighteen inches of

Michigan snow. Runs into her house. Makes sure her mother has food in the fridge. And grabs money for lunch.

She and Cabel accidentally park near each other at school, which makes Ethel very happy, Janie thinks.

7:53 a.m.

Carrie whaps Janie on the back of the head. “Hey, chica,” she says, her eyes dancing, as usual. “I’ve hardly seen you over the holiday break.

You all better?”

Janie grins. “I’m good. Check out my cool-ass scar.”

Carrie whistles, impressed.

“How’s Stu? Did you have a good Christmas?”

“Well, after the whole jail experience, I was pretty bummed out for a few days, but hey, shit happens. We had our court thingy yesterday, and I did what you suggested. I got my charges dropped, but Stu had to pay a fine. No jail time, though. It was a good thing he didn’t do any coke.” She whispers this last bit.

“Good job.” Janie grins. She knew Carrie’s drug charges would be dropped. She just couldn’t tell her that.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Carrie continues. She digs around in her backpack and pulls out an envelope. “Here’s your college money back,” she says. “Thanks again, Janie. You were awesome to come out in the middle of the night to bail us out. So, what’s the deal with your seizures, anyway? That really freaked me out.”

Janie blinks. Carrie-speak is almost always at full-speed, and it changes direction often. Which is okay. Because Janie can usually dodge any questions she doesn’t want to answer without Carrie noticing.

Carrie is a little self-centered.

And immature at times.

But she’s the only girlfriend Janie’s got, and they’re both loyal as hell.

“Oh, you know.” Janie yawns. “The doc’s gotta run some tests and stuff. Made me take off work from the nursing home for a while. But if you ever see me do that again—have a seizure, I mean—don’t worry.

Just make sure I don’t fall and crack open my skull on a rusty coffee cart next time, will you?”

Carrie shudders. “Gah, don’t talk about it!” she says. “You’re giving me the heebs. Hey, I heard Cabel’s in some deep shit with the cops over this whole cocaine scandal. Have you seen him? I wonder if he’s still in jail.”

Janie’s eyes widen. “No way! You think? Let me know what you find out from Melinda and Shay.”

“Of course.” Carrie grins.

Carrie loves a good scandal.

And Janie loves Carrie. Wishes she didn’t have to keep secrets from her.

2:25 p.m.

Janie and Cabel have study hall last period in the school library. They don’t sit together. Nobody looks sleepy. Things are going smoothly.

Janie, tucked away at her favorite table in the far back corner of the library, finishes a boring English lit assignment and then tackles her Chem. 2 homework. Her first impression of that class is positive. Only a few geeks take it—it’s a college-credit course. But Janie, having satisfied all her required courses, is taking whatever she can to help her out in college. Advanced math, Spanish, Chemistry 2, and psychology.

Psychology is a Captain requirement. “It’s crucial to police work,” she’d said. “Especially the kind of work you’ll be doing.”

A paper wad lands on Janie’s page of homework and bounces to the ground. Janie picks it up while still reading her text book, and opens it up, pressing out the wrinkles.

4:00 p.m.?

That’s what the note says.

Janie glances casually to the left, between two rows of bookshelves, and nods.

2:44 p.m.

Janie’s chemistry book thumps to the table as everything goes dark.

She lays her head on her arms as she gets sucked into a dream.

For crap’s sake! thinks Janie. It’s Cabel’s dream. It figures.

Janie goes along for the ride, although normally she tries to pull out of his dreams now that his nightmares have quieted. But, ever curious, she rides this one out, knowing the bell will ring soon, ending the school day.

Cabel is rummaging through his closet, methodically putting on shirts and sweaters over one another, layering more and more pieces until he can hardly move his blimplike body.

Janie doesn’t know what to think. Feeling invasive, she pulls herself out of the dream.

When she can see again, she stacks her books into her backpack and waits, thoughtful, until the bell rings.

4:01 p.m.

Janie slips in the back door of Cabel’s house, shakes the snow off her boots, and leaves them inside the heated wooden box next to the door.

She folds her coat and sets it next to the boots, and heads to the basement.

“Hey,” grunts Cabel from the bench press.

Janie grins. She stretches out her slightly aching muscles, picks up the ten-pound barbells, and begins with squats.

They work out in silence for forty-five minutes.

Both of them are mentally reviewing the day.

They’ll talk about it—soon.

5:32 p.m.

Showered and settled at the small, round conference table in the computer room, Cabel pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen while Janie fires up the laptop.

“Here’s what your profile sheets should look like,” he says, sketching.

“I e-mailed you the template.”

Cabel points out the various columns, explaining in full as to what sort of information should be written in each one. Janie pulls up the template on her screen, squints and then frowns, and fills in the first one.

“Why are you squinting?”

“I’m not. I’m concentrating.”

Cabel shrugs.

“Okay, so first hour is Miss Gardenia, Spanish, room 112, and the list of students. You want their real names or Spanish names?” Janie looks at him, deadpan.

He grins and pulls her hair.

She types quickly.

Like, ninety words a minute.

She uses all of her fingers, not just one from each hand.

Imagine that.

Cabel gawks. “Holy shit. Will you do mine for me?”

“Sure. But you’ll have to dictate. Going back and forth between computer screen and handwritten notes gives me a headache. And it makes me very cranky.”

“How did you…?” He knows she doesn’t own a computer.

“Nursing home,” she says. “Files, files, files. Charts, records, transcribing medical terms, prescriptions, all that.”