Лиза Макманн - Fade

Closes it.

Stares at the wall, barely able to breathe. Buries her head in her hands.

And then.

Slowly.

She picks up the notebook.

Puts it in the box.

Stacks the files on top of it.

And hides it deep in her closet.

3:33 a.m.

Janie’s falling at top speed. She looks down dizzily and Mr. Durbin is there, waiting for her to land. He’s laughing evilly, arms outstretched to catch her.

Before he can grab her, Janie swoops sideways and is sucked into

Center Street, pulled through the air to the park bench and deposited there. Mr. Durbin is gone.

Next to the bench, in her wheelchair, sits Martha Stubin.

“You have questions,” Miss Stubin barks.

Janie tries to catch her breath, alarmed. She grips the bench’s armrest.

“What’s going on?” she cries.

Miss Stubin’s gaze is vacant. A blood tear drips from the corner of her eye and slides slowly down her wrinkled cheek. But all she says is, “Let’s talk about your assignment.”

“But what about the green notebook?” Janie grows frantic.

“There is no green notebook.”

“But…Miss Stubin!”

Miss Stubin turns her face toward Janie and cackles.

Janie looks at the woman.

And then.

Miss Stubin transforms into Mr. Durbin. Slowly his face melts until all that remains is a hollow skull.

Janie gasps.

She breaks out into a cold sweat.

And wakes up, sitting straight up in bed and screaming.

Janie whips off her blankets and hops to her feet, turns on her light, and paces between the door and the bed, trying to calm down.

“That wasn’t real,” Janie tries to convince herself. “That wasn’t Miss

Stubin. It was a nightmare. It was just a nightmare. I didn’t try to go there.”

But now she is afraid to go to sleep.

Afraid to go back to Center Street again.

January 27, 2006

Janie’s mind is far away, inside the front cover of a green spiral notebook and dwelling on her nightmare. She walks down the school hallways in a daze, nearly bumping into Carrie between classes with

Bashful and Doc.

“Hey, Janers, wanna hang out tonight?”

“Sure.” Janie thinks. “Um, I mean, I can’t. Sorry.”

Carrie gives her an odd look. “You okay? You’re not gonna keel over, are you?”

Janie shakes the cobwebs from her head and grins. “Sorry. No, I’m fine. I’ve just got my mind on other shit. Colleges and stuff. I’ve got a bunch of junk to fill out, the house is a mess, and I’m working on a nasty headache already today.”

“Okay,” Carrie says. “I just thought you might like the latest gossip.”

She looks crestfallen. Of course, lately, Carrie only wants to hang out with Janie if Stu is playing poker. Janie doesn’t mind being called upon only when Carrie’s first choice is busy, though. She keeps busy enough without Carrie hanging around all the time.

“What about Melinda?”

“Thanks,” Carrie says sarcastically, “but you don’t need to set up a playdate for me. I can find my own things to do. I’ll catch you later.”

Janie blinks. “Whatever,” she says under her breath. And walks into

Mr. Wang’s room. He’s watching her walk in as he pretends to look at a paper in his hands. She smiles automatically. When he doesn’t smile or look away, she winks.

That does it.

He flushes and sits down abruptly.

Third hour. Mr. Durbin’s class. Janie waits until after class to present the flyers for the March 4 party. She takes her time packing up her table. Soon she is the last one there. From the corner of her eye, she sees Mr. Durbin watching her.

She pulls the flyers out and hurries up to his desk, like she doesn’t want to be late for her next class. “Does this look all right?”

He takes them and gives an approving whistle. “Great,” he says. He turns to her and raises his eyebrows. “I like,” he says, staring at her now.

She leans forward on his desk, just slightly. “There’s more where that came from,” she says. “If you ever need any.”

He swallows. “I’ll have to take you up on that sometime.”

She smiles. “Gotta go.”

“Before you go,” Mr. Durbin says, “I’ve got the okay on the chem. fair and a team of seven students, if you’re game. It’s February 20. We’ll leave Sunday the nineteenth at noon, set up our display, stay overnight, do the fair, and start home around six p.m. on Monday, so we only miss one day of class. Here’s the info and permission slip for your parents to sign. Cost is two hundred and twenty bucks, plus money for meals. You in?”

Janie grins. “I’m in.” She takes the slip of paper from Mr. Durbin and darts out the door before she’s late to her next class, glancing as she runs at the list of students who will be on the Fieldridge team. Janie’s the only one from her class who is going.

Excellent, she thinks.

Dopey, Dippy, and Dumbass are the same as always. Janie actually likes PE now, since Cabel got her into working out. Although she could do without Dumbass. She also adores her self-defense class she’s taking twice a week. Sometimes Cabel lets her practice on him.

Not really very often, though.

Not after she landed his ass on the floor.

PE is coed again, and Dumbass Coach Crater likes to use her as an example for why they no longer play guys versus girls with contact sports. It’s because she cracked Cabel’s ’nads in a basketball game last semester. On purpose.

Today, Dumbass makes them do the state-required strength tests, and

Janie takes the class record for the girls in the flexed-arm hang.

Dumbass notices her muscular arms and shoulders, and calls her Buffy as she’s hanging there. She rolls her eyes and wishes he’d stand right in front of her. If she ever sees him on a dark street, she’ll teach him to sing, she decides.

Study hall is quiet. Janie only gets sucked into one dream, and it’s a weak one. Not a nightmare. When she realizes it’s a sex fantasy between two fellow seniors who she really doesn’t want to see naked, she doesn’t stick around. She pulls herself out of it.

Smiles triumphantly.

Cabel’s watching her, and she gives him the thumbs up and flashes a smile. He grins back.

Janie finishes all her homework for the weekend, so she jots down a few notes about Durbin and Wang.

Correction: make that Happy and Doc.

And then she sits there. Staring into space.

Thinking about Miss Stubin and the green spiral notebook. Feeling a sense of…well…dread.

On the way home from school Janie makes a quick dash into the grocery store to pick up some things for her house, so her mother doesn’t starve to death, and a few personal items for the weekend. She packs an overnight bag. Toothbrush, shampoo, and the massage oil and candles that she got from Captain. She shoves it all in her backpack and heads over to Cabel’s, leaving her mother a note on where to find her if she needs anything.

They work out, shower, and then lounge side by side in the giant beanbag chair and talk about the day. But Janie’s having trouble keeping her mind on topic. She grows quiet, thinking about the green notebook and the assignment from Captain.

Cabel notices.

“Where are you?” he says after a while.

Janie startles. Smiles at Cabel. “I’m sorry, sweets—I’m here.” But she’s not really there. She’s going over the Durbin/Stubin dream in her head, now more convinced it was a nightmare and not really a visit from Miss Stubin.

Cabel sits up quietly. Watches her face. Clears his throat.

Janie sees him suddenly, the one guy she wants to be with—and is with for the whole weekend—hovering over her. She shakes the thoughts of creepy nightmare Durbin from her brain and tilts her head to the side, grinning. “Oops. I did it again.”