Аманда Хокинг - Torn

“No, its fine,” I said. “You’re just doing your job.”

“I don’t really know what my job is anymore,” Matt said wearily.

Someone knocked at the door, and Duncan jumped up to get it.

“Duncan, stop it,” I sighed. “You’re not the butler.”

“Maybe not, but you’re still the Princess,” Duncan said, and he opened my bedroom door.

“I hope I’m not disturbing anything,” Finn said, looking past Duncan at me.

As soon as his dark eyes landed on me, my breath caught in my throat. He stood at the door, his black hair mussed a bit. His vest neatly pressed with a dark stain from Elora’s blood on it, and he hadn’t had a chance to change yet.

“No, not at all,” I said, sitting up farther.

“Actually, we were-” Matt started, his voice hard.

“Actually, we were leaving,” Willa cut him off. She scooted off the bed, and Matt shot her a look, which she only smiled at. “We were just saying that we had something to do in your room. Weren’t we, Matt?”

“Fine,” Matt grumbled and stood up. Finn moved aside so Matt and Willa could walk out of the room, and Matt gave him a warning glare. “But we’ll just be right across the hall.”

Willa grabbed Matt’s hand to keep him from standing there. Finn, as usual, seemed oblivious to Matt’s threats, which only made Matt angrier.

“Come on, Duncan,” Willa said as she pulled Matt from my room.

“What?” Duncan asked, then caught on. “Oh. Right. I’ll be… um… outside.”

Duncan closed the door behind him, leaving Finn and me alone in my room. I sat up straight and moved to the edge of the bed, so my legs dangled over. Finn stayed by the door and didn’t say anything.

“Did you need something?” I asked carefully.

“I wanted to see how you were doing.” He looked at me in that way that went straight through me, and I lowered my gaze.

“I’m good, considering.”

“Did the Queen explain things to you?” Finn asked.

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I don’t know that I’ll ever really know everything.”

“She told you she’s dying?” Finn asked, and hearing him say it made it worse.

“Yeah,” I said thickly. “She told me. And she finally told me what makes me so special. That I’m the perfect blend of Trylle and Vittra. I’m the ultimate bloodline.”

“And you didn’t believe me when I said you were special.” That was Finn’s attempt at a joke, and he smiled ever so slightly.

“I guess you were right.” I pulled down my hair, which had gotten messy from laying on it, and ran my fingers through it.

“How are you taking that?” Finn asked, coming closer to my bed. He stopped by the end bed post and absently touched my satin bedding.

“Being the chosen one for both sides in an epic troll battle?”

“If anybody can handle it, you can,” he reassured me.

I looked up at him, his eyes betraying some of the warmth he felt for me. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and feel them wrap around me, protecting me like granite. To kiss his temples and cheeks, to feel his stubble rubbing against my skin.

I stood up, and something in his eyes told me he would let me. If I ran to him now, he would take me in his arms and kiss me so hard I couldn’t breathe. He would crush me to him the way he had before, and my body flushed with warmth at the thought of it.

Despite how badly I wanted that - I wanted it so much I ached - I knew that I had to become a great Princess, which meant that I had to use some restraint. Even if the restraint killed me.

“Elora wants me to marry Tove,” I blurted out. I hadn’t meant to tell him that way, but I knew it would ruin the moment. Break the spell we were under before I acted on it.

“So she told you?” Finn said with a heavy sigh.

“What?” I blinked at him, startled by his response. “What do you mean she told me? You knew? How long did you know for?”

“I’m not sure, exactly,” he shook his head. “I’ve known for a long while, before I met you or Tove.”

“What?” I gaped at him, unable to find the words that matched the confusion and anger inside me.

“The marriage had been arranged for some time, the Markis Kroner and the Princess Dahl,” Finn explained calmly. “I believe it was only finalized a few days ago, but it was what Aurora Kroner had always wanted. The Queen knew it was her best chance to secure the throne and keep you safe.”

“You knew?” I repeated, unable to get past that part. “You knew that she wanted me to marry somebody else, and you never told me?”

“It wasn’t my place.” He was confused by my reaction.

“Maybe it wasn’t your place as a tracker, but as the guy making out with me in this bed -” I pointed to my bed next to us, “- yeah, I think it was your place to tell me that I’m supposed to marry someone else.”

“Wendy, I repeatedly told you we couldn’t be together-”

“Saying we shouldn’t be together isn’t the same thing, and you know it!” I snapped. “How could you not tell me, Finn? He’s your friend. He’s my friend, and you never thought to tell me?”

“No, I didn’t want to change the way you thought of him. I didn’t want to interfere with your relationship.”

“Interfere with what?” I asked.

“The way you felt about him. I saw that you liked him, and I thought if you knew about the engagement you might stop,” Finn said. “I was afraid you might hate him to spite your mother, and I didn’t want that. I wanted you to be happy with him.”

“You… what?” My heart felt like it had ripped in half. For a moment, I didn’t speak.

I couldn’t make my mouth work. “You expect me to marry him.”

“Yes, of course,” Finn said, almost wearily.

“You’re not even gonna try to…” I swallowed back tears and looked away from him. “When Elora told me, I fought with her. I fought for you.”

“I am sorry, Wendy.” His voice had gotten low and thick. He stepped towards me and raised his hand, as if he meant to touch me but dropped it instead. “But you will be happy with Tove. He can protect you.”

“I wish everyone would stop talking about him that way!” I sat back on the bed, exasperated. “Tove is a person! This is his life! Doesn’t he deserve better than being somebody’s watchdog?”

“I can imagine worse things in life than being married to you,” Finn said quietly.

“Don’t.” I shook my head. “Don’t joke. Don’t be nice.” I glared up at him. “You kept this from me. But worse still, you didn’t fight for me.”

“You know why I can’t, Wendy.” His dark eyes smoldered, and his fists clenched at his side. “Now you know who you are and what you mean for the kingdom. I can’t fight for something that isn’t mine. Especially not when you mean so much to our people.”

I wiped at my eyes and didn’t say anything. What did I have to say to that? He was right, but it still hurt like hell.

I lay down on my bed and rolled over so my back was to him. After a few minutes, I heard him walk away and the door shut behind him.

Sara Elsing, Queen of the Vittra, was set to arrive at three in the afternoon to collect Loki Staad, so the morning was filled with a series of defense meetings. I went, along with Tove and Aurora Kroner, Garrett Strom, the Chancellor, and a select few trackers, like Finn and his father.

Elora was noticeably absent. She didn’t have the strength for it, and she wouldn’t be able to regain her strength until after Loki left. It was killing her to keep him here.

When we stopped for lunch, Tove invited me to join him, but I declined. I liked Tove as much as I always had, but I felt weird around him knowing that we were expected to marry.