Аманда Хокинг - Torn

“Yeah, that’s true,” I said.

“I know about your past.” He glanced over at me, resting his eyes on me only for a second. “Aurora told me about your father and how you’re at risk of losing the crown because of him, because of your parents’ mistakes. That’s stupid because I know how powerful you are and how much you care about people.”

“Thank you?” I said uncertainly.

“You need to be Queen. Everyone who knows anything knows that, but most people don’t know anything, and that is a problem.” He scratched at the back of his head and shifted his weight. “I would never take that away from you. No matter what happens, I’d never take the crown from you, and I’d defend you against anybody who tried.”

I didn’t say anything to that. I’d never heard Tove talk so much before, and I didn’t know what he was getting at.

“I know that you’re in love with… well, not me,” he said carefully, and I think he’d purposefully left out Finn’s name. “And I’m not in love with you either. But I do respect you, and I like you.”

“I respect and like you, too,” I said, and he gave me a small smile.

“But it’s a number of things, and it’s none of them.” He let out a deep breath.

“That didn’t make sense. I mean, it’s because you need somebody to help you keep the throne, and somebody on your side, and I can do that. But… it’s just because I think… I want to.”

“What?” I asked, and he actually looked at me, letting his mossy eyes stare into mine.

“Will you… I mean, do you want to get married?” Tove asked. “To me?”

“I, um…” I didn’t know what to say.

“If you don’t want to, nothing has to change between us,” Tove said hurriedly. “I asked because it sounds like a good idea to me.”

“Yeah,” I said, and I didn’t know what I would say until it was coming out of mouth.

“I mean, yes. I do. I will. I would… I’ll marry you.”

“Yeah?” Tove smiled hopefully, and I nodded.

“Yes.” I swallowed hard and tried to smile back.

“Good.” He exhaled and looked back down the hall. “This is good, right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” I said, and I did mean that.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I sorta feel like throwing up now, though.”

“I think that’s normal.”

“Good.” He nodded again and looked at me. “Well, I’ll let you go… do whatever you need to do. And I’ll go do what I do.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

“Alright.” He randomly patted me on the shoulder, then nodded again, and walked away.

I had no idea what I’d just agreed to. I wasn’t in love with Tove, and I really didn’t think he was in love with me. But the guy I loved - if I did still love him - could never marry me and would never even be with me.

Tove and I understood and respected each other, and that was something. But more importantly, it was what the kingdom needed. Elora was convinced that marrying Tove was the best thing for me and for the Trylle.

I had to do what was best for our people, and if that meant marrying Tove, then so be it. There were a lot worse people I could end up married to.

I changed out of my gown, and I took Duncan with me to the library. He helped me find some good history texts about the Trylle, and I began reading through them. Finn had me skim some things before my christening ceremony, but if I planned to rule these people, I needed to understand who they were.

I spent the rest of the evening in the library, getting as much information as I could. Duncan ended up passed out and curled up in one of the chairs. It was late when I woke him up, and he walked me up to my room. I’m not sure how much protection groggy Duncan really offered, but I doubted I needed it anyway.

The next morning, Tove and I went to the atrium to do some training, and I enjoyed getting back in a routine. Duncan went along, and if things seemed awkward between Tove and me, Duncan didn’t say anything. It did feel weird being newly engaged, but Tove did a good job of keeping me on task.

I was getting a better mastery of my abilities, and they were getting stronger. I lifted the throne off the ground, with Duncan sitting in it, and it didn’t require as much concentration as it had before. Right behind my eyes pain throbbed dully, but I ignored it.

When Tove moved a chair, levitating it in a circle to demonstrate what he wanted me to do, I couldn’t help but think of Elora. How weak and frail she looked from being drained by her powers.

I knew that we needed to use them to keep from going crazy, and with Tove especially, draining his abilities was the only thing that kept him sane. But it made me nervous. I didn’t want him to end up like my mother, dying of old age before she was even forty.

When we’d finished practicing, I felt tired, but in a pleasant way. I was becoming stronger and more self-reliant, and I liked that.

Elora was still in her drawing room, recuperating, so I went down to see her.

She’d gotten off the chaise, which was a good sign, but she’d taken to painting again.

She sat on a stool facing the windows, an easel in front of her. A shawl wrapped around her slipped off one shoulder, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her long hair hung down her back, shimmering silver now more than black.

“Are you sure you should be doing that?” I asked when I came into her room.

“I’ve had a terrible migraine for days, and I need to get rid of it.” She made a sweeping stroke across the canvas.

I walked up behind her so I could get a better look at it, but so far, it was only dark blue sky. Elora stopped painting and set her brush down on the easel.

“Is there something you needed from me, Princess?” Elora swiveled to face me, and I was relieved to see that the milkyness had vanished from her eyes.

“No.” I shook my head. “I wanted to see how you are doing.”

“Better,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I will never be quite the same again, but I’m better.”

“Better is something.”

“Yes, I suppose it is.” She turned to the window and the overcast day.

The sleet and wind had finally let up, but the skies remained gray and murky. The maples and elms had given up most of their leaves and stood dead and barren for winter. The evergreens that populated the bluff looked brittle after the beating they’d taken lately, and ice clung to their branches, weighing them down.

“Tove asked me to marry him,” I told her, and she whipped her head to face me.

“And I agreed.”

“You’ve accepted the arrangement?” Elora raised her eyebrow, in wonder and approval.

“Yes,” I nodded. “It’s… it’s what’s best for the kingdom, so that’s what I must do.”

I nodded again, to convince myself. “And Tove is a good guy. He’ll make a good husband.”

Immediately after I said that I realized that I had no idea what would make a good husband. I’d spent almost no time around married couples, and I’d never had a boyfriend. Finn and I had barely even been together.

Elora was still watching me, so I gulped and forced a smile. Now wasn’t the time to worry about what I’d agreed to. I had time to learn what it meant to be a wife before we were wed.

“Yes, I am certain he will,” Elora murmured and turned to her painting.

“Are you really?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, with her back still to me. “I won’t do to you what was done to me.

If I thought you needed to do something terrible, that it was in the best interest of the Trylle, I would still ask it of you. It would still be your duty, but I would tell you exactly what you were doing. I’d never let you go in blind.”

“Thank you,” I said, and I meant it. “Do you regret marrying my father?”