Аманда Хокинг - Torn

I wanted to ask her more questions, but Elora already looked so worn. She would never admit to being exhausted, but she should’ve been sleeping instead of speaking to me in the first place.

We talked for a bit more, and I excused myself. I paused when I reached the door and looked back. Elora had already sunken down on the chaise, and she held her hands over her eyes.

Garrett waited outside the door, pacing the hall. Thomas stood a few yards down, giving him space, but Aurora and Finn were long gone.

“How is she?” Garrett asked.

“She’s… good, I think,” I said. I wasn’t really sure how Elora was doing. “She’s resting, and that’s what counts.”

“Good,” Garrett nodded. He stared at the closed drawing room door for a moment, then turned his concern to me. “Your talk went well, then?”

“Yeah.” I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t know what to make of it all.

Elora had been so cold to me since I met her, to the point where I’d been certain she hated me, but now I wasn’t so sure. I had no idea how she must feel about me.

Elora hadn’t been much older than me when she married a man over three times her age, a man she didn’t even know. He turned out to be ruthless and cruel, but she stayed with him because she thought she could protect her people that way.

She sacrificed her happiness and well-being for her kingdom.

Then, to defend her unborn child, to save me, she risked everything. Both her parents lost their lives in a matter of months, killed by her own husband. He vowed revenge on her and sought to possess her newborn, a child she couldn’t even be around.

I wonder if she hated me, if she blamed me for her parents’ deaths, for all the trouble Oren caused her since I’d been born.

I don’t know how close Elora had been to her parents, but before the christening ceremony, she suggested that I take the name Ella, after her mother.

And Elora had spared Loki. His father had gotten her mother killed and nearly cost both Elora and me our lives. When given the chance for vengeance, Elora hadn’t taken any on Loki. I was starting to think I had misjudged her completely.

Elora’s insistence on perfection, on me being Queen became much clearer. So much had been lost for me, to ensure that I would someday take the Trylle throne.

My stomach twisted with shame as I realized how ungrateful I must have seemed to her. After everything she and her family and the entire Trylle population had done for me, I had given them so little in exchange.

When I looked up into Garrett’s worried eyes, I realized something else. His wife

- Willa’s mother - had died long before Willa came home. I wondered if she had died in one of the battles my father had waged against the Trylle. If Garrett had lost someone he loved because of me.

“I’m sorry,” I told him with tears stinging my eyes.

“What on earth for?” Garrett moved towards me, surprised by my display of emotion, and put his hand on my arm.

“Elora told me everything.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Everything that happened with Oren. And I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Garrett asked. “All of that was before you were even born.”

“I know, but I feel like… I should’ve been better. That I should be better,” I corrected myself. “After everything you went through, you deserve a great Queen.”

“That we do,” Garrett admitted with a small smile. “And you know that, so we should be on the right track.” He lowered his head to meet my eyes. “I’m certain you’ll be a great Queen someday.”

I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but I knew that I had to do everything I could. I would not let my kingdom down. I couldn’t.

Garrett needed to tend to Elora, so I left him to it. Thomas stayed outside the door, still standing guard but giving them alone time.

Duncan, Willa, and Matt were waiting for me by the stairs. As soon as I saw Matt’s face, I couldn’t hold it together any longer. Tears spilled down my cheeks, and Matt wrapped his arms around me.

Once I calmed down, we went up to my room. Duncan got us all hot tea, and I made him sit down and pour himself a cup. I hated when he acted like a servant.

Willa curled up next to me on the bed, comforting in a way that made me miss my aunt Maggie.

“So she’s dying?” Matt asked. He leaned against my desk, rolling the empty teacup between his hands.

I wasn’t sure how much Duncan or Willa knew about my parentage or about the how the Trylle abilities hurt us. I didn’t want to tell them too much, especially Matt, and make them worry. So I’d left out all the major plot points, and only let them know that Elora was sick.

“I think so,” I said. She hadn’t said that exactly, but she had aged so rapidly. She looked to be in her seventies now, and that was after Aurora Kroner had healed her.

“That really sucks,” Duncan said. He sat on the chest at the foot of my bed.

“You were talking to her and she just collapsed?” Willa asked. She rested her elbow on the pillow next to mine and propped her head up so she could look at me.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “The worst part is I was arguing with her right before it happened.”

“Aw, sweetie.” Willa reached out and touched my arm. “You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”

“Did she say what she’s dying from?” Matt asked. The crease on his forehead deepened, and he knew I had left something out.

“You know Elora.” I shrugged. “She’s vague on details.”

“That’s true,” Matt sighed, and that answer seemed to satisfy him. “I just don’t like mysterious illnesses.”

“Well, nobody does, Matt,” Willa said, with a teasing lilt to her voice.

“What were you and the Queen arguing about?” Duncan asked. He was changing the subject, which I would’ve been grateful for, until I remembered what it was.

I was supposed to marry Tove Kroner.

“Oh, hell.” I leaned my head back, so it thudded against the headboard.

“What is that for?” Willa asked.

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “It was stupid. That’s all.”

“Stupid?” Matt came over and sat on the bed by my feet. “Stupid how?”

“You know, normal stuff,” I floundered. “Elora wanted me to be a better Princess.

More punctual and stuff like that.”

“You do need to be more punctual,” Matt agreed. “Maggie was always on you about that.”

Another reminder of Maggie stung my heart. I hadn’t spoken to her since we’d returned to Förening. Matt had a few times, but I’d been avoiding her calls. I had been busy lately, but hearing her voice would only make me miss her too much.

“How is Maggie?” I asked, ignoring the ache in my chest.

“She’s good,” Matt said. “She’s staying in New York with friends, and she’s really confused about everything that’s going on. I keep telling her that everything’s fine, that we’re safe, and she needs to lay low.”

“Good.”

“You need to talk to her, though.” Matt gave me a hard look. “I can’t keep being the go-between for you.”

“I know.” I picked at chipped paint on my tea cup and lowered my eyes. “I don’t know how to answer her questions. Like where we are and when we’re coming back and when I’ll see her again.”

“I don’t know how to answer them either, but I make do,” Matt said.

“She’s had a long day,” Willa said, coming to my rescue. “I don’t think now is the time to lecture on things she should be doing.”

“You’re right.” Matt gave her a small smile before looking at me apologetically.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get on your case, Wendy.”