David Zindell - Lord of Lies

'Yes, I do. This was well-planned. Morjin is hours gone from here. We willl never overtake him.'

'We must overtake him.'

'He will have had fresh horses stationed in relays all along his way,' Atara said, holding her hand against her blindfold. 'Our horses are all exhausted and would have trouble galloping a mile.'

'But Lord Avijan still commands a battalion of knights!'

'Half a battalion, now,' Atara said. 'And they, too, are exhausted. I doubt if they have the will to pursue Morjin.'

I wrapped my hand tightly around my sword as I struggled to find the will to keep standing. I stared at the stand's bare granite where once the Lightstone had shone so splendidly. Then I cried out, 'But why did this have to happen!'

The echo of my words off the hall's cold stones, falling like thunder upon the dead, was my only answer.

Kane stepped over to the dais and rolled over one of the bodies there. I ground my teeth together as I stared at the face of Lansar Raasharu.

'It was he who did this,' I said to Kane. 'Somehow, he killed the guards at the gates, and opened them to Morjin.'

'So,' Kane said: 'So.'

'He was a ghul,' I murmured. ' He was the one that Kasandra warned of.'

'No,' Maram forced out, shaking his head, 'not Lansar — it can't be.'

'He always hated Morjin,' I said. 'Too much, for too long. And then, when I struck down Ravik and Noman killed Baltasar, the hate, too terrible — like a robe of fire, you see. It maddened his soul. And then Morjin seized him.'

Kane slowly nodded his head. His black eyes searched for something in mine. 'Yes, it would be like that.'

'And I made it worse,' I said. 'I encouraged Lansar to believe that I was the Maitreya. And so he had already surrendered part of his will to me.'

'So, it was his will to do this,' Kane told me.

'Why didn't I see it?' I said, looking at the wounds in Lansar's body where Morjin must have stabbed him with his own sword.

'Please, don't blame yourself,' Atara said, moving over to my side.

'Why didn't I see any of it?' I said, looking at my sword.

There came a knocking at the door leading into the keep, and I shouted for whoever it was to go away. And I heard Master Juwain's voice call back to me, 'Val, open the door!'

I sent Maram to open it. I turned to see Master Juwain and Liljana walk into the room. Their robes showed almost as much blood as the garments of the dead.

'Why are you here, sir?' I said to Master Juwain. I gazed at Liljana. 'There must be wounded from the battle to attend to. Thousands of them.'

'I'm afraid there are,' Master Juwain said. 'But there are other healers. We heard that the castle had been overrun. And so we came here to attend to the women and children.'

I stared at the black banner covering my mother and grandmother. 'Then you've come in vain. They're all dead.'

But in this, I was wrong. Again, someone knocked at the door, and again Maram went to open it. And Daj and Estrella ran into the room.

'What?' I cried out.

Estrella hurried up to Atara and buried her face against her leather armor as she burst out weeping. Daj clasped my hand in his, and his eyes filled with a wild light.

'We hid beneath the wine cellars,' he explained to me. 'In the chambers there.'

'But there are no chambers beneath the wine cellars!' I said.

But it seemed that there were: secret chambers, as Daj told me, built long ago. Somehow, Estrella had discovered them. Like a rat, Daj had once survived in the dark, tunneled earth beneath Argattha. And now he and Estrella had miraculously survived again.

'At first we tried hiding in the granary, with the others,' Daj told me. 'But then, when Lord Morjin's men started killing everyone and taking slaves, we had to find a better place.'

'He took slaves?' I said to him.

Daj nodded his head. 'Dasha. Priara. Lord Tomavar's wife. Other women.'

'Dasha Ambar?' Maram cried out. Tears sprang-into his eyes. 'Then I'll never go riding with her again! Ah, too bad, too bad. But at least she was spared. These beautiful, beautiful women, still alive.'

'No,' I said to him, clenching my fist, 'they're worse than dead.'

I looked out into the hall, at the still and silent people lying there. The faces of all those I had seen fail that day on the Culhadosh Commons burned like writhing flames in my mind.

'So many dead,' I murmured. I thought of all the women and children taking refuge in Lashku and Godhra and in Mesh's other cities and towns. I thought of all those in the other cities and realms of Ea, and I said, 'So many waiting to die.'

Atara slid her hand over mine and said, 'Val, you — '

'I killed them all!' I shouted.

'No, you mustn't blame — '

'It is upon me!' I said, pulling my hand away from hers. 'If I hadn't gone to Tria, and killed Ravik Kirriland there, the Valari kings would have sent help to Mesh. Morjin would never have dared to invade us.'

'But you can't know that!'

I was hardly listening to her. I said. 'I was warned of a ghul. I thought it was me. But it was I who made Lansar into what he became.'

'No, no.'

'My father was right: I should never have left the castle.'

Any why did I leave? Because I thought that Asaru had called for me? Or because I was all too glad to have a chance to ride out and kill Morjin?

'So many dead,' I whispered, looking about the hall.

And suddenly, their souls called to me from that dark and dreadful place that I had always turned away from, and I wanted to join them. Asaru's dying breath burned from my lips. So did that of Mandru and Yarashan, and all my brothers. My mother cried out my name as spears pierced her limbs and belly. And my father. The son of Elkasar Elahad and all of my ancestors, even the Elahad, himself — calling, calling like wolves lost in an endless night. Surely the moment had finally come to end their proud and ancient line that went back to Adar in the mists of the beginning of time?

So much death, I thought as I gazed at the black shroud covering my grandmother. So much evil.

I hated this dark twisting of the soul as I hated Morjin — as I hated myself. I, freely, of my own will, had chosen to believe that I was the Maitreya. And death had descended upon this wrong as surely as night follows day.

'I knew,' I whispered. 'I always knew.'

Smoke wafted into the room, and I could hardly breathe. I choked on the stench of blood and charred flesh. The end of the world, in a hellish conflagration hotter than the sun, seemed to hang in the air. Cold knives pierced my belly, groin and throat — every part of me. My heart was a swollen sack of poison ready to burst open. There was too much pain. I had brought much of it into the world. I was a murderer, truly, and the punishment for murder was death.

I walked away from my friends, looking for a crack in the floor-stones. I never again wanted to see a child hacked into pieces with a sword. Never to see the terror in a man's eyes when I fell upon him with my sword, never to smell his fear or to hear his shrieks: all that I desired was to join my brother Guardians in peace, quiet and nothingness.

'No, Val, no!' Atara cried out. I I finally found a good place to wedge the hilt of my sword so that I could fall upon it. I moved to do so. But Kane was too quick for me. He leapt across the room like a tiger and grabbed me from behind. He was strong, like a beast, like an angel, so unbelievably strong. His arms encircled me like iron bands.

Maram and Liljana came forward to help hold me, too. Master Juwain pried my fingers open while Atara took hold of my sword. After Kane had let go of me, she gave it to him. He stood holding the bright blade that he had forged long ago. 'So, Val,' he murmured as he stared at me.