Iain McKinnon - Remains of the Dead

Cahz seemed unperturbed by the distant moans. Their winding route through the housing estate meant that Ryan’s view was only ever clear for a few hundred yards before a twist in the road obscured it.

“I’m sure we’re being followed,” Ryan said, looking behind them into the sheets of rain.

“Yeah, I’m sure we are, too,” Cahz said without breaking stride.

“It’s going to get dark soon.” Ryan put some effort into his stride and caught up with Cahz. “I thought the plan was find somewhere to hold up before it got dark.”

“Plan went to shit a while back.”

“Whoa! Hold it right there!” Ryan grabbed Cahz by the shoulder, dragging him to a reluctant stop. He kept his grip on Cahz’s body armour. “Yes, the plan’s gone to shit, but so has the whole fucking world! But it’s the shit we have to deal with. Now I know you’re in a bad place right now, but you’d better get it together or I’m going to leave you.”

Cahz laughed. “ You’re going to leave me ?!”

“Yes, mister fucking hard ass soldier,” Ryan replied. “You’ve got the big gun and the big attitude, but I’ve been stuck out here for years! What about you? When was the last time you were out here without your men and your guns and your helicopter?” He let go of the body armour and gave Cahz a light push on the shoulder. “You go on on your own if you like. I’m finding somewhere to spend the night.” He looked down at the girl huddled in the rucksack strapped to his chest. “I need a rest and she needs a change.”

He slung the bag of cans over his shoulder with a clatter, then turned and walked away.

Cahz watched as Ryan made his way up a side street.

“Just fuck off then!” Cahz shouted. “You’re not safe behind the walls of your precious warehouse now! You’ll be dead in an hour without me hauling your ass along!”

Ryan shouted back, “I’m used to this shitty world, Cahz! How about you?!”

“I wouldn’t be in this world of shit if it wasn’t for you!”

Ryan stopped.

Cahz shouted to the back of Ryan’s head, “And Cannon would still be alive!”

Ryan turned around calmly. “Don’t pin that on me. I never landed you in this. And I never-”

“Yes you did! Yes you fucking did!” Cahz screamed back. “If you hadn’t turned up this morning and fucked up everyone’s day!”

“What were we supposed to do?! Jump up and down shouting yoo-hoo?! We were starving to death in there!”

“Yes, you could have,” Cahz argued. His face was bright red and dripping with rain. “You could have jumped up and down! You could have run around butt naked!” He tapped two fingers to the side of his helmet. “Didn’t you think? Didn’t you think to light a fire or use a signal mirror any number of things rather than barge your way through and turn up asking for a rescue?”

“You’d never have spotted us. I’d rather not have left the warehouse, but what choice did we have? We’d have all starved to death within the month.”

“Yeah, and you’ve fared so much better this way. Half of you never even made it to the chopper. Elspeth is dead. Cannon blew his brains out.”

Cahz took a threatening step forward. His thumb hooked under the armpit of the body armour, he pushed the vest out. “Look at this!” he shouted, presenting the sodden fabric to Ryan. “Look at this! This is my best friend’s brains. Splattered across me and the best part of that fucking garden back there! He died because he stayed behind to help you and your fucking ass wipe friends!”

“And who’s this helping? You ? Eh? Who ?” Ryan started to walk off again.

“And now you’re going to wander off on your fucking own!” Cahz barked through a hoarse voice.

“Yes, Cahz, I am.” Ryan turned round and pointed a finger at the soldier. “And do you know why?”

Cahz scowled, saying nothing.

Ryan took an agitated pace towards him, the muscles in his arm taut from the effort of reining back his aggression. “Because with an attitude like that, you’ll get me killed quicker than the dead. Look, I’m sorry for Cannon. I truly am. But you’ve lost it. You don’t care anymore.”

Cahz started to speak but Ryan cut over him.

“You don’t care if either one of us survives. You’ve flipped and you just want to pick a fight. You want to take out that anger and frustration, and I can appreciate that. I get it. You’re set on marching along and wasting pus bags. But if you don’t snap out of it, your anger is going to get us both killed.”

Cahz’s face flushed red. “Fuck off. You’re talking crap!”

“No, you fuck off!” Ryan shouted. “Why the hell have you shot every one of those pus bags since we left the house? Why?”

Cahz didn’t answer. He stood trembling with anger, his nostrils flaring, his lips clamped shut.

“I’ll tell you why. Because you’re mad. You’re pissed off Cannon topped himself. Why didn’t you just club the dumb fucks?” Ryan demanded. “Why?”

“I… I…” Cahz stammered.

“You tell me not to fire unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Ryan’s head bobbed with each word. “But you’re wasting ammo left, right and centre.”

Cahz’s head shook with a strange tremor, like a geriatric with a neurological condition.

“Pull it together or you’ll get your ass bit off.” Ryan turned to leave. “I’ve seen it too often.”

He turned and walked off up a pathway between two houses. A frothy stream of muddy brown water sloshed its way down the slight incline towards Cahz. Ryan continued marching on, the runoff leaving indistinct footprints in the accumulating sediment.

Cahz snapped the carbine up to the firing position.

“Don’t walk away from me!”

He had the back of Ryan’s head framed in the sight.

Ryan stopped but didn’t turn around.

“Stop and about face!” Cahz barked. “That’s an order!”

“I’m not one of your soldiers,” Ryan said calmly. “I’m not under your command, Cahz.”

He turned around. His eyes widened as he saw the weapon trained on him.

Slowly he raised his hands to show his surrender.

“What are you going to do, Cahz?” Ryan said softly. “You’re all nice and democratic all morning; now you’re going to shoot a civilian with a baby? For what?” Ryan cocked his head slightly. “For what?”

Cahz’s teeth were clenched together, his muscles rigid with strain. The muzzle of the weapon was trembling as he barely kept his anger in check.

“You know what?” Ryan shook his head gently as he spoke. “Why don’t you just pull the trigger? Waste me like I’m one of those things and then do my daughter.” Ryan paused, staring down Cahz. “You’d be doing me a favour. I don’t have the luxury of topping myself like Cannon did. I have to look after her.” Slowly he brought his hands down from the surrender position and unzipped the rucksack.

He unveiled the crying child.

“I can’t give up on her, on Sam, or Elspeth. I have to keep going, not for myself, but for her.”

Ryan lifted the girl out and cradled her in his arms. The child was flushed bright red, screaming at the discomfort of the cold and the hunger.

Cahz looked down at his carbine. The black metal frame had fat drops of rain bouncing off its body. The same cold raindrops sprayed Cahz’s face, soaking his skin before dribbling off like the miniature river coming down the alley.

“When you decided to stay behind, is this where you thought you’d be?” Ryan asked. Droplets of water dripped from his chin as he spoke.

Cahz felt the pounding of his heart and the rush of breath. The bad taste still coated his mouth. He brought up some phlegm and spat it on the wet ground. The spit was instantly swept away by the fast current of the runoff.