Ray Gorham: Daunting Days of Winter

Kyle took her hand in his and caressed it. “This has something to do with what happened in our house, doesn’t it? This is why you won’t go back home.”

“Kyle, I’m so sorry. It’s just…” her emotions overwhelmed her, and she began to sob uncontrollably.

“Jennifer,” Kyle said, leaning in close. He wrapped his arms around his wife and held her tight. “Jennifer, please. It’s okay. Don’t apologize.”

“But… it shouldn’t…be like… this, Kyle,” she sobbed. “It’s your first night home, and I’m a basket case. I’m sure this isn’t what you expected, or what you deserve after all you’ve been through.”

“Jennifer. Stop. It’s okay.” He pulled her gently down on the mattress and drew the blanket over her shoulders. “It’s getting cold. Let’s just try and go back to sleep. I’m already forgetting what happened, just like you asked.”

“You thought you were coming home to a normal, stable wife, didn’t you?”

Kyle brushed away the strands of Jennifer’s hair that rubbed against his face and kissed her on the forehead.

Jennifer drew back a bit. “You thought you were coming home to a normal wife, didn’t you?” Her tone was more urgent.

“I didn’t know what I would be coming home to.” He paused to reflect. “I went eleven weeks with no contact, in a world screwed up beyond recognition. I didn’t know what to expect. It was total hell.”

“Are you disappointed with us? With me?”

“No! Never! Don’t ever think that. Today was the best day of my life. I can’t describe how happy I am to be home with you and the kids. I’ve walked fifteen hours a day for two and a half months, with next to no one to talk to except myself. That gives a person too much time to think. I hoped everything would be perfect and imagined things would be normal, with no problems, but then I would catch myself thinking about far worse outcomes, too. It was a long walk.”

“Did you forget mom had me here to take care of her?” David asked, his voice bright and alert.

“Are you listening in on us?” Kyle asked, trying to see David in the darkness. “We’re trying to have a private conversation here.”

“You’re ten feet away. Mom woke up in the middle of the night yelling, and you flipped over a table, and I’m supposed to fall back asleep in two minutes?”

“Well, no, it’s just dark, and I forgot you were there. Your sister went right back to sleep.”

“No I didn’t; I’m still awake.” Emma’s voice was soft, but alert too.

“You listening in on us, too?”

“I’m not trying to, but you’re just right there, talking.”

Kyle shook his head. “Spencer?”

“What, Dad?”

“Nothing, bud. Just checking.” Kyle laughed. “I may as well have the video camera recording this for posterity.”

“Camera doesn’t work,” Emma piped up.

“Thanks for the information, little girl.” Kyle could hear Jennifer giggle beside him, and he laughed, too. “A thousand hours walking, and I can’t say that I pictured my first night home like this. And in response to your question, David, I didn’t forget you were here to take care of your mother. I knew you were, and you exceeded my expectations.”

“Thanks. Hey, wait. Was that a compliment? At first I thought it was nice, but now I’m not sure.”

Kyle smiled. “Let’s just say, my son who lived for video games, music, and friends has made his father unbelievably proud, as has his sister and little brother. Now how about we try and get some sleep. The sun will be up early.”

“No it won’t.” Emma said. “Night lasts forever. I always wake up before the sun comes up.”

“Okay, fine,” Kyle said, trying not to laugh. “How about we just try and get some sleep? Good night, everyone.”

“Good night,” they replied, nearly in unison.

Kyle pulled Jennifer tight against him, feeling her shiver as he did so. He moved his mouth close to her ear and whispered. “You’re the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing woman a man could want. There is nothing about you I’d change, except for maybe what you’re wearing. I had pictured something a little sexier than sweatpants.”

“That’s sweet, Dad, but we’re not deaf. We can still hear you.” David said, fighting to suppress a laugh.

“Yep. We sure can,” Emma added. “You can hear everything at night, like Spencer, when he farts all the time. It’s disgusting.”

“I do not fart all the time, Emma. Don’t say that.”

Kyle heard Spencer hit his sister.

“Kids!” Jennifer said, nearly shouting. “I am really sorry I woke you up, but it’s probably well after midnight. I don’t want to kill any of you, so to prevent that, how about everyone quiet down and go back to sleep. Agreed?”

There was a murmur of agreement, and the room became still once again.

Saturday, November 19 th

Deer Creek, MT

The day was overcast and cold, but that didn’t deter the steady stream of well-wishers from dropping by to welcome Kyle. Word had spread quickly through the small community and surrounding homes, and Kyle’s return, after such an amazing journey, had given him a quasi-celebrity status in the few hours he’d been home. Finally, after recounting his trip home for the ninth time before lunch, Carol hung a note on the front door explaining that Kyle was exhausted from his trip, but that he would share his experiences with everyone at the community meeting the next day.

With the visits halted and Kyle no longer feeling like he needed to spend every minute at Jennifer’s side, Kyle began to address his hygiene needs. An extended bath was followed by a haircut, after which Jennifer’s sewing scissors were put to good use on his beard. A trip to his house to gather the rest of his clothing had Kyle dressed in familiar clothes and feeling human by dinnertime.

Seated in a patio chair on the front porch, Kyle heard the front door open and looked up to see Jennifer motioning for Spencer to come in. “Looks like it might snow,” Kyle said, indicating a front of clouds moving in from the West with a dip of his head.

Jennifer nodded. “It’s got that chill. We’ve only had one big dump so far, plus a couple of skiffs of snow some mornings. Hope winter isn’t in any kind of a rush to get here.” She followed his gaze. “What are you looking at?”

“I don’t know. Just looking. A part of me feels like I should be moving on. That’s what I’ve been programmed to do for so long. It’ll take me a few days to get back to normal, whatever that is. Carol’s been nice to let you stay here; how long do you think we’re welcome?”

“When we moved over, she didn’t put a time limit on it. Seemed to indicate we should just plan on staying. Why?”

“That was before I showed up. She doesn’t know me, so who knows how long this will work.”

“Where do you think we should be?”

“At our house. Most of our stuff is still there. Seems kind of silly to be hauling things this direction.”

Jennifer’s back stiffened. “You’re thinking about moving back home?”

Kyle nodded. “If you give me a couple of days, I’ll have things cleaned up good. I’ve been thinking about it. That’s our home, Jenn. It doesn’t seem right for us to not be there.”

“You don’t think I could’ve cleaned the blood stains?” Jennifer looked at Kyle, incredulous. “I’m not afraid of scrubbing the walls or the carpet. It’s not the blood.” Jennifer shuddered. “I came to tell you dinner’s ready. It’s beef stew. Let’s eat, it should be good.”

Wednesday, November 23rd

Deer Creek, MT