Ray Gorham - Daunting Days of Winter

“I think I met most of the community today, but I really don’t know these people. How’s it been?”

Jennifer shook her head from side to side in a slow and deliberate motion as she searched for the right words. “It’s been difficult, but you seem to have given a lot of people hope who had lost it. You-- making it back from so far away--it’s amazing. I still almost don’t believe it. I’ve prayed for it and dreamt about it, thought about it every hour of every day, but I was losing hope, just like everyone else.”

“I prayed for it more than Mom did,” Emma interjected in a sleepy voice. “Every night before bed I said my prayers and asked for God to bring you home. Mom said I needed to do that every day.”

Kyle rubbed Emma’s leg. “I prayed to make it home, too, sweetie, and it had been a long time since I’d said any prayers. I guess God got tired of hearing from us, huh?”

Emma nodded, her eyes barely open. “But He listened, didn’t He?”

Jennifer smiled at Kyle as he turned back to her. “Your daughter really missed you. I can see a change in her already.” Emma’s eyes closed. “This whole thing has been really difficult, Kyle. I know you’ve been through a lot, walking so far and somehow making it home. But being here every day, seeing our neighbors slowly die, being hungry most of the time, the weather getting colder, and the nights longer…” She shook her head. “It’s hard. Sometimes you just want to give up. I think a lot of people had gotten to that point. We had gotten too used to easy; hard is taking some adjusting.”

“Do you think we’re safe here?”

Jennifer nodded. She glanced at the fire, watching the flames swirl and dance. “We’re safer here than any place else I can think of. I think you’re the miracle we needed, both for our family and the community. You’ve reminded us of what a person can do if something is important to them, if they don’t let the impossible stand in the way.”

“I didn’t know what I’d find when I got here, Jenn. You can’t imagine how I felt when I found blood in the house.” Kyle wiped at his eyes. “But we survived. We’re together, and we’ll make it. I don’t know what it’s going to take, but we’ve got to promise that we’ll never give up. Okay?”

“I promise,” Jennifer said, her eyes still focused on the flames. “I don’t know what it’s going to take, but I promise.”

“David, do you promise?” Kyle asked his son.

“I promise, Dad. If you can make it home, we can do this.”

“How ‘bout you, Emma.”

Emma nodded, her eyes still closed. She mumbled faintly. “If David can do it, I can. I promise.”

Kyle glanced down at Spencer, who was sound asleep and breathing deeply. “How about you, Spence? Are you ready to face whatever comes?”

Saturday, November 19 th

Deer Creek, MT

Unable to sleep, Kyle lay on his back staring at the ceiling as he listened to the steady breathing of his family. Jennifer slept beside him on a hide-a-bed mattress laid out on the basement floor in front of the fireplace. Emma and Spencer slept on cushions from the couch that were placed on the floor beside the mattress, and David slept in the recliner, the same one he’d spent so many hours in recuperating from his stab wound.

Kyle’s mind drifted back over the previous eleven weeks. The fact that he was lying beside his wife, in Montana, with all three of his children alive and mostly well and in the same room was almost more than he could believe.

He was thrilled to be home, so thrilled he couldn’t sleep. It struck him that for the first time in almost three months he faced a day with no predefined purpose-no town or mile marker to get to before the sun set, no far off family that he was pushing himself to return to. The family was here. The walk was over. And now he wondered if the hard part was the journey he’d just survived or the unknown future ahead of him.

He watched the burned logs in the fireplace, the embers still glowing faintly orange. The room was beginning to chill, but firewood was limited, so Kyle resisted the urge to put another log on the fire. David had explained that while there was plenty of wood in the area, there were limited numbers of saws and axes available to cut and split it. Most of what they were burning at this point was deadfall that was thin and dry enough to break by hand, but once winter intensified, the denser, better wood would be essential.

Kyle rolled onto his side. The foam mattress, while adequate, reminded him of the countless semi-truck bunks he’d slept on over the past weeks, and he made a mental note to retrieve a better mattress from their house in the morning, once he was cleaned up. At least with that he’d have a purpose for the day.

Jennifer was silhouetted in the faint light from the fireplace, and Kyle reached out, putting his hand on her shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. Jennifer jerked and let out a shrill noise, breaking the heavy silence of the night. Before he could react, Kyle felt Jennifer striking him. “Get away from me!” she shrieked. “Get away!”

Kyle shielded his head with his arms and rolled off of the mattress. He heard David’s groggy voice and the recliner swing back into the sitting position. “Mom! What’s wrong?”

Kyle leapt to his feet, avoiding Emma and Spencer while trying to figure out what was wrong with his wife. “Jenn?” She had stopped yelling but was now gasping loudly. Forgetting about a short coffee table next to him, Kyle took a step backwards to give Jennifer more space and hit his leg on it, sending him tumbling over the table in the darkness. He fell with a dull thud, groaning as he hit the floor.

“Dad, was that you?” David asked. “Mom, are you alright? What’s going on?”

“Yeah, that was me, David,” Kyle said rubbing his elbow. “I don’t know what’s going on. Jennifer?”

Jennifer’s breathing had slowed. “What happened?” she asked.

“That’s what we’re trying to find out. You started yelling and hitting me. All I did was put my hand on your shoulder.”

“Kyle? I’m sorry.”

Kyle heard Jennifer start to cry. “Is there a light or something we can turn on?”

“Just an old flashlight, but it’s pretty much dead,” David answered. “I can put more wood on the fire if you want, but it will take a few minutes to catch.”

Carol called out from up the stairs. “Everything okay down there?”

“I think we’re okay. Not sure what happened, but I think we’re fine,” Kyle answered. He crawled around the table to where Jennifer sat on the floor. “Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” Jennifer said in a voice that was barely audible.

“Do you want me to put more wood on the fire?” David asked.

“I think we’ll be okay without it. Spencer, Emma, you guys awake?”

There was a sleepy “uh huh.” Kyle couldn’t tell who it was.

“Sorry we woke you up. Mom just had a bad dream, I think. Go back to sleep.” Jennifer was shaking, and Kyle wrapped his arms around her. “Jenn, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like this. Are you okay?”

Jennifer rubbed Kyle’s arm and laid her head on his shoulder. “You scared me; that’s all. Not used to having a man in my bed I guess. Can we just forget about it?”

“You just want me to forget this?” Kyle released his wife and leaned back, trying to read her expression in the inky blackness. His right arm still tingled from the fall, and he flexed his fingers to work out the pain. “I suppose we can for now, as long as you promise not to beat on me again.” Jennifer let out a weak laugh, but Kyle noticed a glint of light reflect off her cheek.

Jennifer dabbed at the tear. “I’ll try, but I don’t know if I can promise you that, at least not yet. Give me time.” She spoke in short, halting sentences, fighting to control her emotions.