L. Modesitt - Mage-Guard of Hamor

"Scarcely," replied Taryl. "We only talked in the coach, and they were more interested in finding out the situation here. They were pleased that you recognized the requirements of their status but suggested that Nubyat does need a permanent honor guard, among other things." The overcommander laughed.

"That would not be the highest of my priorities, ser."

"Nor mine, as you well know." After another pause, Taryl went on, "You handled the shields well enough. Neither of them realized that you actually had shields. But don't get too confident. They had other things on their minds, and had they really been concerned about you, they would have sensed more."

Rahl was both pleased and slightly irritated, but he kept the irritation behind his shields. How many times had he had to hold shields against powerful mages besides Taryl? "I'm still learning. I haven't been around many mages with abilities like yours, ser."

"That may be, but when you are, it may be too late to learn."

"Did they say anything else, ser?"

"They allowed me to pay my respects, and they'll be joining me for dinner. We have a longer meeting scheduled for tomorrow when they're more rested. They feel that they should be present when we confront Golyat in Sastak."

That bothered Rahl, although he could not say why, especially since that would place more strong mage-guards against Golyat.

"That will make matters interesting, although it will strengthen the forces we present to Golyat."

"I would not have expected them to come here," Rahl temporized.

"They could not do otherwise once the port was open, not and claim that they supported the Emperor." Taryl glanced toward the door. "I need to prepare for dinner, but I'd like you to plan on meeting at this time every day while the Triads are here, in addition to the morning meetings."

"Yes, ser."

After he left Taryl, Rahl went to find Deybri, but she was not in the staff dining chamber, nor in her room. He finally found her sitting on one of the stone benches in the walled garden below the balcony off the grand dining salon.

"I've been looking for you," Rahl said quietly. "Might I join you?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry about this morning," he said as he settled onto the backless stone bench, straddling the end so that he faced her.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one…"

Rahl took her left hand, gently. What could he say? "I didn't mean to overwhelm you, or upset you. The shields… Taryl told me again, just a few moments ago, that I needed to do better."

"Rahl… you do… but don't follow Taryl all the way…."

"You know something about him, don't you?"

"I asked him the other day why he had been so good to us, and I told him that it couldn't have been just for the mage-guard and Hamor. He gave me a sad smile. Do you know what he said?"

Rahl could imagine, but he shook his head.

"He said that he'd once been too young and too driven. He almost said more. He didn't have to."

"That makes it so hard," Rahl said slowly. "I feel like… if I do what I must to survive… I'll lose you. If I don't, I'll lose you another way."

"You… you have to work on your shields. I can't…" She dropped her eyes.

Rahl could sense the effort she made to avoid tears. "I could just use partial shields," he offered, "when I'm with you, but I worry about that, too."

She lifted her head, and her eyes met his. "You can't do that. In time, I'd wonder what you were hiding, even if you hid nothing, and you'd try to protect me, and that would make me suspicious."

Hard as it was, Rahl just held her hand and waited, taking in her gold-flecked eyes and the warmth behind them.

Deybri turned more toward him and extended her other hand. She swallowed. "This is hard. I never thought I'd find love, and I never thought it would be so wonderful and so painful."

"I didn't, either."

She straightened slightly. "I've asked you to be honest, and I have to do the same."

Rahl winced within. Was she going to refuse him, to say that love wasn't enough?

"I'm not a great healer or a great mage, and you will be one, but you aren't yet." Deybri pursed her lips, and her eyes dropped, but only for a moment. "The kind of love we have, and will have, is not halfhearted. Nor is the kind of magery you possess."

As if a sudden light had illuminated the fading glow in the garden, Rahl understood where Deybri's words were leading, but he forced himself to listen, because Deybri needed to voice those words herself.

"You won't be complete, and who you should and must be, not until you finish what you've begun with Taryl. You don't do anything halfway, not anymore. If I become all of your life, now…" She shook her head.

"What do you see, then?" Rahl barely spoke the words.

"I… don't know. I only know that consorting you now is wrong, and not consorting you is even more wrong."

"You will consort me, then, when the time is right?"

"I can only say that I will consort you-but not until after whatever happens at Sastak."

I will consort you. Her thought was even stronger than her words.

Rahl could feel the burning in his own eyes, and he eased forward and enfolded her in his arms. Their lips met.

Twoday passed rapidly, doubtless because Rahl felt as though he walked and rode without effort. Almost from the moment he had first seen her, he had known that Deybri was the only woman for him, but that had not meant that she had felt the same-or wanted to. Still, as he went about his duties, he did have to make an effort to keep from smiling all the time. He'd also had to promise Deybri that he would not talk about what the future might bring for the two of them until after the revolt was completely put down.

The joy of knowing of her love had momentarily distracted him from Taryl's inquiry about Rahl's question after the battle of Thalye, but he knew that Taryl had asked to jog him into thinking about it. As he entered the Administrator's Residence on threeday, Rahl was reminded once more. How could he have forgotten? He still recalled his reaction and how he had felt-as if he could never do enough to satisfy Taryl.

Taryl had just said something like, "Oh, that."

Why was Taryl bringing it up now, when Rahl was riding from point to point trying to get more things working throughout the city, when everyone wanted his or her problems resolved…?

Rahl suddenly stiffened and stopped. That was it! No one, especially not an officer or an administrator, could ever meet everyone's expectations. After the past eightdays, that had become more than clear, but he just hadn't related it to what Taryl had said.

His smile was ironic as he started up the stairs. When he finally eased past Falyka and into the Regional Administrator's study, he found Taryl standing by the window, looking out at a gray sea under a greenish gray sky.

"Quite a good view, ser," Rahl observed.

Taryl half turned. "I actually would prefer the villa of the regional overcommander of the mage-guards, but people believe in symbols, and they need the symbol of a regional administrator in the Residence, temporary as that may be, since we'll be leaving to deal with Sastak and wiping up the last part of the revolt." Pointing to his left at the villa with the blue-tile roof, Taryl snorted. "That was more than large enough for me. It's considered quite modest, even if it is large enough for two families, with room to spare, not that the overcommander here has ever had a young family before."

Rahl looked. The overcommander's villa still didn't look modest to him-except in comparison to the massive Administrator's Residence. The smaller villa was still two stories with a blue-tile roof and a covered balcony terrace overlooking the harbor. It had its own carriage house and a walled garden, not to mention the nearby barracks with the quarters for three officers, one of which Rahl had been enjoying-and feeling guilty at times when he thought of how poorly the other officers were quartered.