Russell Moran - A Climate of Doubt

“And how is our relationship with Iran, Mr. Secretary?”

“For the first time since the Iranian Revolution of 1979, our countries have conducted talks and reached an agreement that can only be described as cordial and mutually beneficial. The Iranians didn’t need our agreement to arrest Bartholomew Martin, but both our countries agreed to cooperate on many levels. The most significant news about the talks is that Iran did not insist on continuing its nuclear program. We have lifted all sanctions and also agreed to economic assistance, but the nukes are off the table.”

“Getting back to a subject I have come to hate, Mr. Secretary—the weather, what can you tell us?”

“We have received the full cooperation of the Rosetta Corporation, the company that owns the space station Moonwalker, which controls the satellites. Although senior management at Rosetta was unaware of it, Bartholomew Martin was controlling the satellites through Stargazer and then through Moonwalker from Rosetta headquarters using his inside hired henchmen. The two American astronauts who once controlled Stargazer , the station that was destroyed, assisted the current crew in positioning the satellites to enable earth’s temperatures to return to normal. Today is September 25, and the temperature here in New York City is 72 degrees Fahrenheit, normal for this time of year. I’m sure you’ll have an expert on your show soon who can explain exactly how the satellites changed our weather, somebody who can explain it better than I can.”

“You’re right, Mr. Secretary” Ellen said. “I’m sure I’ll be interviewing experts, but I think you did an excellent job of explaining it. Can you tell us anything about the current situation with Bartholomew Martin? We all know that he had a taste of being a dictator when he was President of the United States, and recently focused on becoming dictator of the world through climate blackmail.”

“Bartholomew Martin is under arrest and is imprisoned somewhere in Tehran. Because he committed his most recent crimes in Iran, and because he and his group were residents of Iran at the time, the Iranian government has legal jurisdiction to bring him to trial. An interesting development, an extremely interesting development, is that the Iranian government has asked for American assistance in prosecuting the case against Martin. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen such cooperation between our two countries.”

“So, there you have it ladies and gentlemen,” Ellen said. “Our insane weather has come to an end and two old rivals are not only in conversation but are cooperating with each other. Sometimes I’m blessed with good news to cover, and this show has been one of those times. Folks, if you can, get outside and enjoy this beautiful September weather. That’s what I’m going to do after the show.”

“Rick is on line one for you, Ellen.”

“So, what did you think of my happy show, hon?” Ellen said as she removed her earpiece.

“I’m not paid to be happy but to be a cynical nag, babe. But we should enjoy some happy times while we can. Let’s go for a walk in the park. My Secret Service guys could use some exercise.”

“And it will help prepare you for the next crisis.”

“You know me too well, honey.”

“Deputy Foreign Minister Rashadi is here, Mr. President. I’ll escort him in.”

Rashadi hated to wear the traditional flowing robes of Iranian big shots. He was dressed in an expensive Armani suit, making him look like an investment banker.

“It’s good to see you again, Minister Rashadi,” the President said.

“Please call me ‘Hank,’ Mr. President. “It’s the name I answered to when I went to Northwestern University.”

“I have a great memory, Hank. I believe you and I were at Northwestern at the same time. I recall you wearing the traditional robes of your country. Could that have been you?”

“I was a mullah-in-training. Little did my colleagues realize that I was becoming Westernized as well.”

“Do you see us as the Great Satan, Hank?”

“Bullshit is bullshit, no matter what language it’s in, Mr. President. I’m one of many Iranian officials—and I mean many—who look to the day when our countries can be friends and allies. My friend, Ramin Abbasi, is a mid-level government minister. He’s the guy who called my attention to Bartholomew Martin. Frankly, I think Ramin is a CIA spy and that’s fine by me. If you’ve got more spies like Hamid, keep them coming. He’s a good man, and the world owes him its gratitude. Besides taking down that beast Martin, I think there’s an even more positive outcome to this event. I’m hoping the Great Satan will be replaced by the Great Friend.”

“I share that hope, Hank. I assume you don’t drink, but can I offer you some tea or coffee?”

“We have been assuming too many things about each other since 1979, Mr. President. I’ll have Kentucky bourbon, neat, three fingers, if you have it. Will you join me?”

“I long ago gave up drinking, Hank, but I’ll raise my Diet Coke in toast—to our new friends.”

“To our new friends, Mr. President. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There are officials in my government and yours who don’t share our warm feelings.”

“What are Supreme Leader Khamenei’s thoughts, Hank?”

“I expect that what I say won’t be made public, Mr. President.”

“Count on it, Hank. Your words will never leave this room.”

“Thank you. I don’t think I’d look good without my head. In answer to your question, Khamenei is an old-school Islamic fanatic. He actually believes all the nonsense that radical clerics like to spout. I negotiated with him after Ramin Abbasi told me about Bartholomew Martin. He finally agreed. I was certain that you and your government would not consent to reopen the nuclear pact talks. I finally managed to convince him to agree to the terms we signed. It may be an indication that he’s mellowing, but I wouldn’t count on it. For him to think about the United States in positive terms would go against his deeply ingrained principles. He may be the Supreme Leader by title, if not in fact. There are a number of people in our government, like me, who see America as a potential friend.”

“It’s a constant mystery to me, Hank, why Islam hates the West so much. Whether it’s the Sunnis or the Shiites as in Iran, there is this hatred that many of us Westerners can’t fathom.”

“Mr. President, I’m going to let you in on a secret. If this ever becomes public I will be a dead man. I tell you this as a symbol of trust and our new friendship, because I’m putting my life in your hands. I’m a Christian, an Episcopalian. I converted, quietly, about five years ago. I was introduced to the words of Jesus Christ by an American diplomat. There’s something about loving your fellow man that appeals to me more than murdering him because he’s of a different religion. Thank God for the Internet, because I’m able to attend services online. This morning, wearing a disguise, I went to Mass and received communion. I was impressed by the priest’s sermon. His name is Father Rick Sampson and he leads a parish here in New York. I’ll never forget his words—‘When things get tough, leave it to Jesus. He can figure it out better than us.’ As our two countries slowly get to know one another, I’m going to repeat those words—to myself of course.”

“Hank, as I once heard in a wonderful movie, ‘I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.’”

“You do a good Bogart, Mr. President.”

“Good morning, Mr. Atkins,” Hamid Rashadi said.