Russell Moran - A Climate of Doubt

Whenever something big hits the news, you can expect to see total coverage on the most popular talk show on television, The Ellen Bellamy Show. A deep freeze in July fit the bill for Monday’s show.

I was still having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that Ellen and I were walking along the ocean this morning when the sizzling 98 degree temperature suddenly dropped to below freezing. As Secretary of Homeland Security, people expect me to have answers. I didn’t. I didn’t even know what questions to ask.

“I could get used to this place, Mr. Secretary,” Steve Trent said as he and a couple of other agents loaded the bags into our car.

Steve drove, with the other agents in a car behind us. Ellen was working the phone, talking to her producers. I called the Office of Emergency Preparedness, an agency that wasn’t prepared for this emergency.

We definitely weren’t prepared for what happened next.

July 16 – Afternoon

“Mr. President, turn around and look out the window,” Chief of Staff Jake Arnold said as he handed the president a cup of coffee.

A blizzard, not just snow flurries, but a full blizzard with blinding snow and driving wind hit without warning. The snow looked even more bizarre because it came down on the lush mid-July greenery of the Rose Garden. The thermometer outside the window read 20 degrees.

“Good afternoon folks,” said Ben Stratton, the TV weather reporter for CBS. “I hope you’re adjusting to the bizarre cold spell we’re having on this July 16th afternoon. Well, I have some more chilling news for you. A warm front is approaching from the west with balmy temperatures around 30 degrees. In weather reporting, a warm front doesn’t necessarily mean warm; it means that an approaching front is warmer than the temperature overhead. Often that means moisture and precipitation. In the pattern we’re looking at, the result of this warm front is going to be staggering. The National Weather Bureau predicts the worst blizzard in 100 years will hit the D.C. Metropolitan area beginning after 6 p.m. this evening. But if you look out your window, you’ll see that it’s begun already. Fortunately, it’s a Sunday, so traffic should be at a minimum. Authorities across the region are asking people to stay home and whatever you do, don’t take your car on the road. Computer models are projecting snowfall reaching five feet in the Capital, with similar totals across the region. And this storm will be no gentle sprinkling of white stuff. Winds are predicted to reach 55 miles per hour across the region.”

“My taping for tomorrow’s show is ready to go as soon as I get there,” Ellen said. “The producers are still putting together the guest list, according to a text I just got. I hope to hell they don’t book the standard-issue climate-change fanatics. I can picture some clown trying to convince the viewers that he predicted this strange crap.”

Steve Trent parked our car in the garage under our brownstone and called for a government SUV to take me to my nearby office at 26 Federal Plaza. Since I became Homeland Security Secretary, the government assigned five Secret Service agents to be with me at all times. Sam Thornton, another agent, was waiting for me. Steve Trent then drove Ellen to the NBC studio at Rockefeller Center, the snow having already accumulated to three inches. I called my department heads and told them to keep in touch with the office by their secure phones and Intranet connections. No sense dragging people in when they can stay in touch remotely.

When I got to my office I walked over to the window, not believing what I saw—the snow had become a blizzard.

July 17

Sarah Watson, Director of the FBI, was at 26 Federal Plaza to prepare for a meeting with me and the head of the Joint Terrorism Task Force, my former position.

Sarah’s an old friend, and, as my former boss, we didn’t have go through the formalities of getting to know each other. She knocked and walked into my office. I was standing by the window talking on the phone and waved her in. My conversation ended and we both looked out at the strengthening blizzard.

“You and I have been through some weird shit over the years, Rick, but nothing tops this,” Watson said as she stared out the window.

“I just got off the phone with the White House,” I said. “As a cabinet officer I shouldn’t say this, but the president has some real assholes on his staff. One of them just said to me, and get this, ‘You’ve got to do something,’ as if I can control the goddam weather.”

Sarah laughed.

“I’m happy that I have you between me and the White House,” Sarah said.

“Mr. Secretary, your wife, Ellen, is on line one,” my assistant said over the intercom.

“Hi, hon, enjoying the view?” I said as I put the phone on speaker. “I’m here with Sarah Watson.”

“Hi Sarah,” Ellen said. “Both of you will want to catch my show in 10 minutes. I have a special guest who has a wild theory about this weather.”

“Please tell me he’s not some messianic climate-change nut who wants to blame everything on carbon dioxide,” I said.

“I can’t guarantee that he’s not, but he seems to be a sharp guy. He was on my show last week, if you recall, talking about the heat wave. He knows me well and he knows not to pull some nonsense with me. I gotta get ready. Stay tuned.”

“You married a wonderful lady, Rick. I’m glad she’s on our side.”

July 17

“Welcome to The Ellen Bellamy Show. I’m your host, Ellen Bellamy. I like this show so much I even named myself after it.”

Sarah looked at me with a pained expression.

“I love that woman, lame jokes and all,” I said.

“Today’s show is dedicated to our strange weather. To put it mildly, not to pun, we’re all experiencing a bout of weather that we never felt before, or even imagined.”

Ellen, who’s partially at the mercy of her make-up department, wore earmuffs and a big scarf around her neck. The costume was her idea.

“Our guest today is from the NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, and he’s got some shocking thoughts for us. Before I introduce him, our resident meteorologist, Al Roker, will give us an update on our beautiful July weather.”

The camera panned on the familiar face of Al Roker. Al, who is as much a showman as a weatherman, was dressed in a winter coat with a hat and earflaps. He also wore huge woolen mittens.

“Good afternoon, folks, Al Roker here for NBC Weather . I usually give you an overview of the national weather and then introduce your local meteorologist to announce the weather ‘in your neck of the woods.’ But today is different. Your ‘neck of the woods’ is our ‘neck of the woods.’ The conditions across the entire country, even most parts of the world, are eerily the same—a freezing winter-weather pattern in mid-July. I’m confident that I’m speaking for everyone when I say that we never experienced anything like this. Yesterday morning we were still in the grips of a massive heatwave, with temperatures throughout the area over 90 degrees. Then suddenly, and I mean suddenly, the mercury dropped—like a rock. Within minutes we were shuddering from the cold. Then came a warm front with a ton of moisture, resulting in the blizzard we’re experiencing now. As strange as the conditions are in the New York Metropolitan area, it gets even weirder as we look to the south. Here is Lilly Morton with our NBC affiliate in Fort Lauderdale in Southern Florida—that’s Southern Florida.”