Wen Spencer - Wolf Who Rules

"If you say it is," Pony murmured.

"Tomorrow is Thursday. Thursday is the day I take scrap metal to the steel mill. They cut me a check. I drive downtown, deposit the check except for fifty bucks. I stop at Jenny Lee Bakery in Market Square and pick up a dozen chocolate thumbprint cookies. Thursdays the thumbprints are fresh. I head back to work and put in a few hours paying bills and filling orders. I cut Oilcan his paycheck and give it to him so he can go to the bank before it closes. We get together with Nathan and Bowman and some of the other cops at the Church Brew Works in the Strip. I get the pierogies or the pizza or the buffalo wings - I like being flexible-and try expensive beer. I liked beer. Now it just tastes like piss."

As if she'd summoned him, a Pittsburgh Police cruiser pulled over on the other side of the road slightly ahead of her and Nathan got out.

"Tinker?" He came across the four lanes toward her. "What the hell are you doing?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I was never an elf before. I was never in charge of anyone. People left me alone. I could go all day without seeing anyone but Oilcan or you. I cooked my own food. Washed my own clothes. It's not like I blow up the world everyday."

Nathan walked backwards, staying a few feet ahead of her, scanning the bodyguards and the Rolls Royces. "Are you," he asked quietly, "trying to go home?"

"I don't know." And she didn't. She was nearly to the intersection where she could continue on Ohio River Boulevard or cross over the McKees Rocks Bridge or head up to Lain's house - not that Lain was home - but really, she had not a clue which direction she was going to go - although she was starting to suspect that it would be straight through - staying on Ohio River Boulevard until it hit the Rim.

"Do you want me to take you home? Or to Oilcan's? Lain's? Tooloo's? I can take you to a woman's shelter if you want. I am a cop; you can trust me to help you if you need help."

She made a rude noise. "How do you know who you can trust? How do you know when people are telling you the truth?"

"Tinker, I'm sorry that - I know that doesn't forgive anything - but I'm sorry. I really thought you felt something for me. I thought that was why you said you wanted to go out on a date. But it's just like I offered a kid candy; I talked about dating and of course, you were curious. I should have known what you're like with something new. You don't stop until you know everything."

She hit the intersection and needed to make a choice. She nearly went straight through, but then realized that it was getting dark, and none of the streetlights worked out that way. She veered left, almost decided on going across the bridge, but realized that going to her loft would be depressing, and she didn't want to talk to Tooloo, not now, she'd probably strangle the crazy half-elf. She continued looping to the left. Nathan had a good idea; she should go talk to Oilcan. But that seemed silly, since the shortest way to Oilcan's was the way she came. Of the four ways out of the intersection, however, only going to Lain's house remained, and she didn't want to go there either.

She kept walking, now distinctly making a full circle in the center of the road. The Rolls Royces halted at the intersection, silver ghosts in the twilight. Pony ground to a halt behind her, watching her with a faintly worried look.

"Tinker, are you all right?" Nathan asked.

"Do I look all right? Seriously! I don't think so. Something has definitely come loose. But can they find out what's wrong? Nope. Can't do that."

"Tink." Nathan caught her by the wrist. "If you're not feeling right, walking around in the night isn't going to solve anything. Let me take you to Lain."

"No!" She tried to tug her hand free. "I don't want to see her. She lied to me!"

Nathan ignored her attempts to get loose, pulling her toward his police cruiser. "Then let me take you to your cousin."

"Pony!" Tinker cried, turning to the sekasha.

She saw the blur of the ejae's blade and was only registering its meaning when Nathan's life blood sprayed across her face. His hand tightened a moment on her wrist, and then his fingers went limp. She stared numbly as his hand slipped off her and his body crumbled to the ground with a heavy thud.

With the strength of a black hole, Nathan's body dragged her gaze down to it. He lay on his side, his wide shoulders canted back so she could see the thick column of his neck. The skin up to the sword cut was unblemished white, and then his neck stopped abruptly in a meaty collar of muscle, bone, and gaping pipes. Blood still fountained rhythmically from a severed vein.

She opened her mouth but couldn't form any words. She dropped to her knees beside Nathan and touched him - felt the warmth and solidness of his body. His heart still pounded, wild and frantic, pumping out his blood with lessening force until it shuddered to a stop.

What just happened? Nathan can't be dead - he was just talking to me.

She looked up to Pony and saw he had drawn his sword. Blood dripped from his blade. She whimpered, realizing she had cried out to Pony and he'd reacted as he'd been trained. She had gotten Nathan killed.

An oddly shaped object on the ground behind Pony caught her eye, and she gazed at it for a minute, puzzled, until she realized it was the back of Nathan's severed head.

She had killed Nathan.

A sound struggled up out of her chest. She pushed a hand against her mouth to keep it in and felt a sticky wetness on her face. She jerked her hand away from her face, stared at the blood covering her hand, and a loud, wordless keen forced its way out of her. Once free, it would not stop. She knelt there, wailing, as her stained hands fluttered about her as if they were trying to escape the sudden brutal reality.

" Domi." Pony crouched beside her, gathering her into his arms. "Tinker domi."

She rocked in his arms, keening, holding out her stained hands so he could see the blood on them. Anguish, dark and wild as flood waters, poured into her.

Pony picked her up. Tears blinded her and she slipped into the black swirling hurting, losing sense of everything but the guilt and grief. Fear was creeping in now, as she couldn't stop herself, as if she'd been pushed out of her own body by the raw distress. Only Pony's warm, strong presence kept her from falling into complete panic. Slowly she became aware that he had carried her back to the Rolls, and they had driven back to the enclave. Voices of Lemonseed and others of the household came out of the darkness that she seemed to be trapped in.

When Pony sat her down and let her go, Tinker cried out and reached blindly for him.

"I am here, domi. " He pressed close to her as he tenderly washed the blood from her face. "I will not leave you. Nothing could take me from you."

They were in the bathroom of her suite at Poppymeadow's. He'd stripped off his sharp-edged wyvern armor. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, clinging to him.

" Domi. Domi." Pony crooned. " Domi, please, stop crying."

She tried to push out words, but they came out strangled cries.

" Domi, please." Pony carried her into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. "If I'm to understand you, you have to speak Elvish."

"I am!" She wailed, and choked out the words, "I - I wa-wa-want Windwolf" as if they were huge boulders. She needed him there, now, holding her, comforting her, making love to her, to drive away the pain.

" Domi, Stormsong is looking for him." Pony wiped the tears from her face. "We do not know if he will be able to come." The thought of being alone threatened to submerge her into anguish. "Oh, domi, please don't cry."

She buried her face into Pony's hair and breathed in his spicy musk scent, warmed by his body. She felt the play of his muscles under his fine cotton undershirt. Desire, suddenly monstrous in strength, surged through her. This time she didn't even try to resist, terrified of falling back into the dark gnawing pain. She abandoned herself to her need and kissed Pony.