Джером Биксби: The Man From Earth

The Man From Earth

Synopsis

Every 10 years or so, John Oldman has to move on. No matter what he’s doing. No matter who he’s with. He has

to pack up and leave, or there will be talk of him not aging.

John was born 14,000 years ago. He has not aged a day since he was 35. On this instance, he decides, on a whim, to tell his friends why he is leaving, turning an impromptu farewell-party into a mysterious and intense interrogation.

The only setting is in and around Oldman’s house, with the plot advancing through intellectual arguments between Oldman and his fellow faculty members.

Issues Explored

• Mortality

• Empirical evidence

• Religious faith

Characters

• John Oldman

• Dan (mellow/chilled out anthropologist, quiet+smart)

• Harry (biologist, loud and strange yet endearing)

• Edith (older woman, devout Christian)

• Sandy (historian, John’s girlfriend)

• Art Jenkins (cool archeologist with a bad-ass bike)

• Linda Murphy (Art’s charming student)

• Will Gruber (old psychiatrist)

John is stacking boxes into his pickup track as his friends arrive.

DAN: Hey, buddy! You don’t waste time, do you?

JOHN: I try not to.

DAN: Well, you need help?

JOHN: Sure!

John and Dan lift a heavy box on to the truck.

HARRY: Would you like to tell us what the hell that was all about?

JOHN: I don’t like good-byes. (shrugs)

HARRY: Kind of the point of a good-bye party, John! Went to a certain amount of trouble, you know? Could’ve at least stayed a few minutes, huh? Eaten some of the food we so feverishly prepared?

JOHN: (hugging Edith) I apologize, Harry!

EDITH: But why are you moving so quickly, you only resigned a couple of days ago!

DAN: You got the history chair at Stanford.

JOHN: I wish!

HARRY: Well, tacos, chicken wings, tuna salad and beer. If we’d had more time, we’d’a done something a little more grandiose…Candlelight dinner at McDonalds.

(doing a small hip-shake)…Strippers!

JOHN: (warmly yet authoritatively) Tacos are fine!

HARRY: A’right

DAN: Art’s gonna be along too. He’s, uh, talking to a student. Pfft.

EDITH: Is George taking over for you?

JOHN: George or Trimbell — Has the dean made up his mind?

SANDY: He hasn’t called.

Edith suddenly notices the painting behind John.

EDITH: My god! Wh-what is this? It looks like a van Gogh, but I’ve never seen it before!

DAN: Is that an original, John?

JOHN: No, it’s just a gift someone gave me…

EDITH: Still, it’s a superb copy! Contemporaneous, I think! May I…take a closer look?

JOHN: Please, yeah!

EDITH: (lifting the painting) Yeah! It’s the same stretcher as van Gogh used.

DAN: Yeah, there’s writing on the back, it’s in French

EDITH: Oh, "to my friend Jacque Borne." Wonder who that was?

JOHN: Someone he knew, I guess.

HARRY: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock!

Harry moves towards the insiderthe rest slowly follow.

EDITH: Surely you’ll have this looked at, appraised?

JOHN: Well, maybe sometime, but I… wouldn’t… really want money for it.

(taking the painting and putting it in the truck) That does it.

(calling out to Harry) Put that stuff in the kitchen.

HARRY: No, I’m going to put it in the bathroom, John.

JOHN: Gas is off, electricity’s on. Get comfortable while you can, furniture’s going this afternoon.

Edith and John follow the others inside.

DAN ‘Sbeen years since I sat on a floor. Heh, I can’t remember her name.

HARRY: Eh, it’s good for the back.

EDITH: Can we do Yoga exercises?

HARRY: Taaantric Yoga, we can! (chuckles)

DAN: So, you’re leaving. Rather suddenly, you must admit.

JOHN: (nods)

DAN: Truth time, John. Is there a problem?

JOHN: No.

(shaking head)

DAN: Oh c’mon, you know we want to help.

JOHN: That’s appreciated, but really — there’s no problem.

DAN: Well now, I am curious. Where are you going?

HARRY: Givin’ up tenure—

DAN: A decade of professorship, in line to chair the department, and you don’t know where you’re going?

JOHN: (reassuringly) Call it cabin fever. After a while, I get itchy feet. I’ve done this before.

DAN: No, no, no, you’re too young to have done this before.

EDITH: (chuckling) And he hasn’t aged a day in ten years! Any woman on the faculty would give anything to have that secret.

HARRY: Is that what they’re after, Edith?

EDITH: Oh, stop, Harry.

HARRY: (chuckles)

Sandy finds a bow.

SANDY: Wow! Can you pull this?

HARRY: What the hell? (taking the bow from Sandy)

DAN: (Whoa!) What d’ya hunt?

JOHN: Deer, mostly.

HARRY: With a bow and arrow?

DAN: Most people can’t bag a deer with a rifle and a telescopic sight! (examining the bow) Though good eating!

JOHN: The best. Wild game. Lives naturally, eats naturally.

EDITH: (taking the bow) Well it’s beautiful.

Enter: Art and Linda on Art’s bike.

JOHN Art. (heads out to receive him)

ART: Ah. (taking off his helmet)

(to Linda) So, do I get an A for Awesome?

LINDA: (rolling her eyes) Oh my gosh. That was fun!

ART: (chuckling) Hey! John! You know Linda. You had her last semester.

LINDA: Hey.

JOHN: Hi.

ART: She’s one of my victims now; I’m taking her home. She wanted to come by and say hello-goodbye.

JOHN: (escorting them in) Is Art as tough as I hear?

LINDA: Oh! Archaeology’s tough. Dr. Jenkins is a fine teacher.

ART: Oh, that’s very politic!

LINDA: It’s very true!

ART: Uh huh! (handing John a book) Something for you to read on the road, pal.

JOHN: "Shadows of the cave: parallels to early man." Arthur M. Jenkins.

(holding the book up)

ART: Publish or perish!

Everyone claps.

JOHN: I’d rather read than write another one.

ART: Thank you.

LINDA: (waving nonchalantly) Hi!

ART: Oh! Everybody, this is Linda. Linda, this is everybody.

HARRY: Linda! Hi.

ART: So! Where you going, John, like we give a damn?

DAN: We’ve already covered that. John’s got itchy feet.

HARRY: There are over-the-counter remedies for that, John.

(everyone chuckles, John looks down)

DAN: So there is a problem?

JOHN: No. (firmly) I just like to move on, now and then. (raising his hands) It’s a personal…thing.

DAN:…Well, not to pry.

Awkward pause.

JOHN: I’m sorry I don’t have more to offer you. Got conversation. Some seats for your behinds. And, uh…

John lifts his finger as if he’s remembered something and suddenly moves for the door.

HARRY: Is he ducking out on us again?

JOHN: (enters carrying a box of scotch)…I do have this.

HARRY: Oh ho ho! Johnny Walker Green! (walking over and grabbing the bottle) Ha ha, didn’t even know they made it in green! What do they pay you? (thumping John on his shoulder)

JOHN: (patting Harry on the back) Nothing is too good for my friends. But I’m sorry, we’re down to plastic cups now.

DAN: That’s a sacrilege I’ll tolerate.

HARRY: I will do the honours! Oh, come to papa! (chuckles) Ooh! Here, cups, cups? There we go! (pouring everyone a glass) Step on in, there ya go! Excuse me! Art? (offering Art a glass.)