Robert Heinlein - Double Star

«Yes, Sire.»

«Knock off that “Sire.” Since you are standing in for him, call me “Willem,” as he does. Did you know that was how I spotted you?»

«No, Si — no, Willem.»

«He's called me Willem for twenty years. I thought it decidedly odd that he would quit it in private simply because he was seeing me on state business. But I did not suspect, not really. But, remarkable as your performance was, it set me thinking. Then when we went in to see the trains, I knew.»

«Excuse me? How?»

«You were polite, man! I've made him look at my trains in the past — and he always got even by being as rude as possible about what a way for a grown man to waste time. It was a little act we always went through. We both enjoyed it.»

«Oh. I didn't know.»

«How could you have known?» I was thinking that I should have known, that damned Farleyfile should have told me ... It was not until later that I realized that the file had not been defective, in view of the theory on which it was based, i.e. it was intended to let a famous man remember details about the less famous. But that was precisely what the Emperor was not — less famous, I mean. Of course Bonforte needed no notes to recall personal details about Willem! Nor would he consider it proper to set down personal matters about the sovereign in a file handled by his clerks.

I had muffed the obvious — not that I see how I could have avoided it, even if I had realized that the file would be incomplete.

But the Emperor was still talking. «You did a magnificent job — and after risking your life in a Martian nest I am not surprised that you were willing to tackle me. Tell me, have I ever seen you in stereo, or anywhere?»

I had given my legal name, of course, when the Emperor demanded it; I now rather timidly gave my professional name. He looked at me, threw up his hands, and guffawed. I was somewhat hurt. «Er, have you heard of me?»

«Heard of you? I'm one of your staunchest fans.» He looked at me very closely. «But you still look like Joe Bonforte. I can't believe that you are Lorenzo.»

«But I am.»

«Oh, I believe it, I believe it. You know that skit where you are a tramp? First you try to milk a cow — no luck. Finally you end up eating out of the cat's dish — but even the cat pushes you away?»

I admitted it.

«I've almost worn out my spool of that. I laugh and cry at the same time.»

«That is the idea.» I hesitated, then admitted that the barnyard «Weary Willie» routine had been copied from a very great artist of another century. «But I prefer dramatic roles.»

«Like this one?»

«Well — not exactly. For this role, once is quite enough. I wouldn't care for a long run.»

«I suppose so. Well, tell Roger Clifton — No, don't tell Clifton anything. Lorenzo, I see nothing to be gained by ever telling anyone about our conversation this past hour. If you tell Clifton, even though you tell him that I said not to worry, it would just give him nerves. And he has work to do. So we keep it tight, eh?»

«As my emperor wishes.»

«None of that, please. We'll keep it quiet because it's best so. Sorry I can't make a sickbed visit on Uncle Joe. Not that I could help him — although they used to think the King's Touch did marvels. So we'll say nothing and pretend that I never twigged.»

«Yes — Willem.»

«I suppose you had better go now. I've kept you a very long time.»

«Whatever you wish.»

«I'll have Pateel go back with you — or do you know your way around? But just a moment — » He dug around in his desk, muttering to himself. «That girl must have been straightening things again. No — here it is.» He hauled out a little book. «I probably won't get to see you again — so would you mind giving me your autograph before you go?»

Rog and Gill I found chewing their nails in Bonforte's upper living room. The second I showed up Corpsman started toward me. «Where the hell have you been?»

«With the Emperor,» I answered coldly.

«You've been gone five or six times as long as you should have been.»

I did not bother to answer. Since the argument over the speech Corpsman and I had gotten along together and worked together, but it was strictly a marriage of convenience, with no love. We co-operated, but we did not really bury the hatchet — unless it was between my shoulder blades. I had made no special effort to conciliate him and saw no reason why I should — in my opinion his parents had met briefly at a masquerade ball.

I don't believe in rowing with other members of the company, but the only behavior Corpsman would willingly accept from me was that of a servant, hat in hand and very `umble, sir. I would not give him that, even to keep peace. I was a professional, retained to do a very difficult professional job, and professional men do not use the back stairs; they are treated with respect.

So I ignored him and asked Rog, «Where's Penny?»

«With him . So are Dak and Doc, at the moment.»

«He's here?»

«Yes.» Clifton hesitated. «We put him in what is supposed to be the wife's room of your bedroom suite. It was the only place where we could maintain utter privacy and still give him the care he needs. I hope you don't mind.»

«Not at all.»

«It won't inconvenience you. The two bedrooms are joined, you may have noticed, only through the dressing rooms, and we've shut off that door. It's soundproof.»

«Sounds like a good arrangement. How is he?»

Clifton frowned. «Better, much better — on the whole. He is lucid much of the time.» He hesitated. «You can go in and see him, if you like.»

I hesitated still longer. «How soon does Dr. Capek think he will be ready to make public appearances?»

«It's hard to say. Before long.»

«How long? Three or four days? A short enough time that we could cancel all appointments and just put me out of sight? Rog, I don't know just how to make this clear but, much as I would like to call on him and pay my respects, I don't think it is smart for me to see him at all until after I have made my last appearance. It might well ruin my characterization.» I had made the terrible mistake of going to my father's funeral; for years thereafter when I thought of him I saw him dead in his coffin. Only very slowly did I regain the true image of him — the virile, dominant man who had reared me with a firm hand and taught me my trade. I was afraid of something like that with Bonforte; I was now impersonating a well man at the height of his powers, the way I had seen him and heard him in the many stereo records of him. I was very much afraid that if I saw him ill, the recollection of it would blur and distort my performance.

«I was not insisting,» Clifton answered. «You know best. It's possible that we can keep from having you appear in public again, but I want to keep you standing by and ready until he is fully recovered.»

I almost said that the Emperor wanted it done that way. But I caught myself — the shock of having the Emperor find me out had shaken me a little out of character. But the thought reminded me of unfinished business. I took out the revised cabinet list and handed it to Corpsman. «Here's the approved roster for the news services, Bill. You'll see that there is one change on it — De la Torre for Braun.»

« What? »

«Jesus de la Torre for Lothar Braun. That's the way the Emperor wanted it.»

Clifton looked astonished; Corpsman looked both astonished and angry. «What difference does that make? He's got no goddamn right to have opinions!»

Clifton said slowly, «Bill is right, Chief. As a lawyer who has specialized in constitutional law I assure you that the sovereign's confirmation is purely nominal. You should not have let him make any changes.»