Robert Asprin: Myth-Chief

"Hiayah!" screamed Ninja.

"Hiayah!" yelled the other Cake Masters.

"Kid? Kid? Skeeve? Can you hear me? Open your eyes." Aahz's voice was full of concern.

I opened my eyes. The light hurt for a minute, but it receded to a single oil lamp burning on the table beside me. It lit up Aahz's worried face. I grinned weakly at him. He thumped me on the chest. He grinned back, showing his gleaming mouthful of fangs.

"Good for you, kid," he said. "Glad to see you back among the living."

Practically everybody I knew was peering down at me. I tried to sit up, but my chest felt like a thousand Centaurs had galloped across it. I groaned.

"What happened?" I asked.

Aahz poked a finger toward Ninja and her friends, now unmasked. The guards held them tightly. Pookie, Aahz's cousin, held a weird-looking wand on them. They looked terrified.

"You have one crazy fan club," Pookie said. "Why didn't you just tell me you had found some more people who wanted to kill you?"

"Are you all right, Mister Skeeve?" Princess Hermalaya asked. She and Matfany were wrapped in each other's arms. "I heard all that screaming? And there were all these people in black down there just slicing you into little ribbons. I sicced my guards on them, but they cut them up, too? My wizard had to lean over the rail and zap everybody good."

I felt my head. It was still attached, but there were thick bandages wrapped around it. Once I had noticed those, I saw the ones strapped around my arms and hands, too.

"What do you want done to them?" Aahz asked, his eyes glowing fiercely. "Name it, Skeeve. Anything from a good spanking to shredding them nerve by nerve. I'll enjoy it. You name it. Your enemy's my enemy."

"They're not enemies," I said. It hurt to move. "They're friends. They're Cake Masters."

"Cake Masters?" Hermalaya exclaimed. "Why, what are they doing here?"

"Helping you, or so we thought," Ninja said, woefully. "Mister Skeeve, we are so sorry. We just wanted to avenge a sister of our craft!"

"Why, that's just so nice! I have met so few other Cake Masters?"

Ninja and the others bowed to Hermalaya. "What layer are you?" she asked.

"Well, I just made twelfth," Hermalaya said.

Kroka indicated Ninja. "She's the Topping of our order. She's nineteenth."

"I am so impressed!" Hermalaya bowed back. "But it wasn't nice of you to beat up Mister Skeeve."

"We just can't apologize enough! But how could we recognize him when he was dressed up as that villain?"

Matfany cleared his throat. "I beg your pardon, ladies!"

Ninja looked sheepish. "Are you going to be okay, Skeeve?"

"I'm all right," I said, trying to be upbeat because they seemed so worried. I looked up at Aahz. "Did it work?"

"The crowd loved it," Aahz said, gleefully. "No problem accepting Hermalaya's return or the new man in town. They were a little confused when your spells fizzled, leaving me there on the balcony with her with my bare face hanging out, but luckily by then Matfany was done with his tint job. He just stepped right in."

Matfany looked a little uneasy, but he seemed proud of his new fur color. He was now dark brown with gold high-lights. The whole effect made him look noble and hand-some. I noticed he was no longer wearing his glasses.

"Ears and Pelt number six," Massha said, proudly. "You'll only have to touch it up every six weeks."

Hermalaya touched the curls on the top of his head. "It looks so nice. I don't know how to thank all of you for all you have done for us?"

I grinned. "Ask us to the wedding, of course."

I combed confetti out of my hair and threw myself down in my desk chair.

"That was a great wedding," I said, happily. Gleep galloped over to me for petting. "Here, boy!" I had brought him a roasted squab from the feast table.

"Skeeve, you have to make him work for it, or he won't learn," Nunzio said, taking the meat from my hand. "C'mon, boy, sit up! Beg!"

Obediently, Gleep rocked back on his haunches and pawed the air. Nunzio tossed the treat to him, which he downed in one gulp. Gleep dropped down again and gave me a wink when no one else could

see it. He wasn't going to give away our little secret.

"What a terrific party," Tananda said, spinning until the dark purple skirts of her low-cut dress spread out like a bell. "I think I danced with every Fox in Foxe-Swampburg."

"They just couldn't get enough of you, Little Sister," Chumley said proudly. He removed the festoons of ribbons that had been wound around him by the enthusiastic party-goers. Gleep ate them as they hit the floor.

"Didn't the bride look wonderful?" Bunny asked, her eyes shining She leaned back in her chair and kicked her feet happily. Her party dress of brilliant blue silk shimmered around her magnificent figure. "And what a Cake! Ninja and the others did an incredible job."

"They wanted to make amends for nearly making layer cake out of Skeeve here," Guido said.

"That's the kind of cake I wan! when I get married," Pookie said. We all stared at her. "What are you all looking at?"

If she was embarrassed, she managed to cover it by swatting the next Humbee that came whizzing through the office. It fell to the ground in two pieces. Gleep loped over to eat them both.

"The best part," I said, with satisfaction, "was when Hermalaya and Matfany went to the throne room together for the first time to accept the accolades of their subjects, and the doors actually opened up for him."

"About time," Nunzio said. "He was a decent guy."

Massha fanned her pink cheeks with a shocking turquoise feather fan. Her dress, yards of filmy chiffon, matched it in color. "Hermalaya had that consort chair made for him that goes with her throne. It's not as fancy, but he said he wasn't comfortable with something that had that much gold or gems."

"What a tool," Aahz said. 'Go for what you can get, that's what I say." He took the D-hopper out of his pocket and tossed it end over end in the air. Among the whole group that jumped him and Matfany on the mountaintop, the one person who picked it up was honest enough to return it. I was glad. D-hopper's were rare, and it had been a present from me. 7 7 For the whole intriguing yarn, read Myth Alliances.

"The Old Folks finally accepted Matfany," I said. "That's a good omen for the future."

"The dye job couldn't have fooled them?" Bunny asked.

"No, they know," I said. "Everything's great. They're going to live happily ever after."

"And the presents!" Bunny exclaimed. "There must have been thousands of packages!"

"I gave them a manual on marriage from Trollia," Tananda said, with a wicked smile. "It's got illustrations, just in case something gets lost in translation."

"I gave them the best gift possible," Aahz said. "My sage advice on staying married. I told him always to agree with everything she said. I told her to go easy on him. That ought to last them a lifetime."

"What did you give them, Skeeve?" Bunny asked.

"Oh, I went back and borrowed the Hoho Jug from Marmel in Sirecoose," I said. "I wanted to make

sure there was enough wine for everybody. No sense, as Matfany said, in wiping out the newly replenished treasury on unnecessary expenses."

"No wonder it was so tasty," Guido said. "And suitably potent to the occasion."

"And he paid our bill." Bunny said, happily. "Both of them."

"That reminds me," Aahz said. "Who won the contest? Who is going to be president of M.Y.T.H., Inc.?"

Bunny threw back her head in exasperation. "Oh, how-can you ask about that now?"

Aahz was adamant. "Because it isn't settled. We put the question aside until after we got the romance under way, but now I want to know."