Robert Asprin - Myth-Fortunes

I tried to arrange myself into a dignified position, wrapped as I was from neck to heels, but only succeeded in bumping down one more step.

"It's your curse," I said haughtily. "I am a powerful magician in my own right. The curse has rebounded on you, with a few little twists of my own."

"My curse? How . . . ?"

"You'll never know," Aahz said, grinning.

"What is it you want?" Diksen asked. In his fury, he was able to produce entire sentences.

"Samwise has offered his apology," I said. "Accept it. Take off the curse, or we all continue to suffer. Now that will include you. You can see what collateral damage you caused."

"Never!" Diksen's jowls flapped angrily.

"Oh, fine," I said. "Then I hope you like living in a hurricane."

Diksen looked back at the twisting, bounding wreck that had been his beautiful office building. In a plaintive little voice, he said, "Mumsy."

"What kind of a son are you if you let your mother sit in the dark like that?" Aahz asked.

"Very well!" Diksen declared. "I accept! But none of you ever dare come near me again!"

"We can handle that," I said evenly. "How about it? You take off your spell, and I'll take off mine."

Diksen reached down into the powerful black force line deep under the desert. He spread out his hands. I could feel a blanket of magik settle down over all of us. It sank through my body and seeped into the sands. As it dissipated, I felt cleaner and clearer of mind than I had in weeks. Samwise, tied like a roast a few steps up from me, let out a hefty sigh.

"Now you," Diksen said.

Gurn folded his arms. I reached out for magik and found the way clear. I cut myself out of the bandages and stood tall.

"Thanks," I said. "It's over."

"But the spell you added to mine . . . ? Undo it!"

"I didn't have to do anything to you," I said. "You did it all to yourself. I just made sure you felt what you did to other people. I didn't add any magik at all."

Diksen gave me a furious look, then stalked back to his carpet. It lifted off and sped back toward the globe. As Diksen's dispell spread outward, the ball of water gradually cleared until it was transparent as crystal.

"Nice job," Aahz said. "Now, get me out of this tourniquet."

I was happy to oblige, snipping the bandages away with one sweep of my magikal shears. I had help: Tweety shook off his harness to help his old friend to his feet. Samwise I left to the less expert but more eager ministrations of the USHEBTIs.

"Now, about a nonstandard activity requiring my Scarabs to leave their assigned tasks in favor of a rescue of a member of the management team, employing nonstandard construction materials ..." Beltasar's shrill voice would have gone on and on, but Aahz glared fiercely at her and brought his forefinger and thumb together in a sharp gesture. "Perhaps later." She called her minions together, and they swarmed away.

"Well played," Gurn said. "I am obliged that you didn't mention her majesty's suffering that was tied up with that curse."

"No problem," I said. "No need to tell him he'd added injury to insult by refusing to build her a pyramid of her own. Samwise's will be fine, now. Won't it?" I asked the Imp.

"Absolutely!" Samwise declared. "From now on, every-thing will be on the up and up! Completely!"

"I shall be checking on you to make certain," Gurn said. He stalked up to the main seat of the chariot and sat down.

"Am I still ..." He felt his face with one hand, and grimaced.

"Yes," I said. Even though the curse was gone, he was still handsome. "You'll get used to it. By the way, thanks for the copy of the Magus Sutra."

"What? Why would you believe I owned a salacious volume like that and would give it away for a handful of gold?"

That detail just confirmed it for me. "You really didn't think I wouldn't figure out that the one legitimate copy would turn up just when we needed it?" I asked. "It had to hurt to let it go. Nice acting job, too."

"You are smarter than you look, Klahd." Gurn shook his head. "As I told you, I would do anything for the Pharaoh. But if you tell any of the others, I will visit a new curse on you. A terrible one from which there will be no recourse."

"Never," I said. "You have my word on it. You can carve it in stone."

I owed Gleep a thorough head-scratching for being away so much over the past weeks. He lolled on the floor of Bunny's office with his head in my lap, drooling a little as I attacked the scales around his ears with my fingernails.

Aahz had kicked back in his big easy chair, his feet on the extended rest.

"It was my fault," he said. "I should have investigated closer. I should have known better."

"Don't kick yourself," Bunny said. "A lot smarter people than you were tempted by the idea of a kind of immortality, and many of them fell into the trap."

"Smarter than me?" Aahz asked, his eyes narrowing. "No. Smarter people actually refused to invest in the pyramid to start with. Here's to getting out of the real estate business."

He raised his repaired goblet to us and took a drink.

"I'm done with oversized monuments and grand plans for the afterlife. Instead, when I go, I just want to disappear and leave people wondering." He bared those four-inch teeth in a grin that would make anyone cringe.

"If that's so," Bunny asked, "then why did I just get a bill

of lading for having to warehouse two giant chunks of rock, F.O.B. Aegis?"

"Two chunks of rock?" I asked.

Aahz waved a hand. "Maybe Gurn broke my benben before he transported it here. I like to think of it as a souvenir. I don't intend to need it for a long time to come."

"So, M.Y.T.H., Inc., no longer has a problem with curses?" Guido asked. "We don't have to worry about unsatisfied customers comin' here lookin' for satisfaction?"

"No more curses, no more problems," I assured him. "All the stones Aahz sold for Phase Two have been worked into Phase One, giving it a 92% fill rate. Samwise is thrilled. He doesn't really need us any longer. He said he owes us."

"I already sent him his bill," Bunny said.

"He had better cough up in a timely fashion, or he is going to require one of his own tombs," Guido said, bringing his eyebrows down over his nose. "He caused us all to waste a lot of very valuable time."

"You sure gave Gurn a tough time when we were tied up," I said. "Were you really that confident that Diksen would have to ask for help getting rid of the curse?"

"No," Aahz admitted, "but what good would it have done to start panicking and pleading? Gurn would just have loved that. I keep telling you, kid, reputation is as much a part of being an effective magician as the actual chops."

"I know," I said.

"How's the Pharaoh feeling?" I asked Chumley, once again restored to his oversized chair beside that of his sister, Tananda.

"She is restored to her former glory, thanks to you and Aahz," the Troll said. He had cast aside his linen headdress with a grateful sigh. "Though she will miss seeing Aahz, she has come to insist that Gurn attend her nearly every waking moment."

"Poor Gurn," I said, "but it'll keep him from turning up when you least expect him."

"I am afraid the Pharaoh's fascination is going to halve his efficiency," Chumley agreed. "But if it keeps his nose out of other people's business, it will be a good outcome of that curse."

"It's kind of a pretty nose now," I said, grinning.

"Looks aren't everything," Tananda said. "I think his devotion to Suzal is beautiful."

"Yeah," Aahz said. "You can't buy loyalty like that. Right, partner?" He raised his glass to me and took a healthy swig.

"Right," I said, happily, toasting him back. The others joined in.