Robert Asprin: Myth-Fortunes

Nothing seemed to happen for two more days. I kept finding myself glancing nervously at the sundial, willing the hours not to pass. Gurn's threat would come due in another day, and I had no doubt that he would make good on it. I looked frequently in the direction of Diksen's pavilion. The office bubble and the gleaming pyramid looked exactly the same.

Diksen might not be noticeably affected by the curse, but we heard from a lot of people who were. A few of Aahz's clients had to back out with one excuse or another. One Pervect had lost his job almost as soon as he had signed the contract. A Deveel lost all her money on a single bet in Vaygus and couldn't supply the down payment. Bendix

came back with a writ to threaten Aahz with malfeasance, or some kind of feasance, because even though Aahz had let him out of the contract, the bad luck had persisted. His lawsuit demanded damages in amounts that made my eyes pop. Aahz was visibly pained at the idea of paying penalties on top of having made a full refund. We wondered whether he was just the first of angry clients that Aahz had personally signed up. Aahz had dug deep into his list of acquaintances and persuaded them to rope in their friends and relatives. I knew Bunny would help Aahz make up any shortfall, as this was an official M.Y.T.H., Inc., project, but I also knew he'd rather eat his own stone rather than have to ask.

Other customers without curse-detectors complained that their technology had stopped working, or that their magik had let them down when they needed it the most. Some had acquired body parasites or new allergies, had run-ins with inlaws, or said something unforgivable in the hearing of the one person who shouldn't have heard it in a million years. None of them could precisely lay the blame at our feet for their misfortunes, but I felt guilty about not being able to tell them the truth. Instead, I listened sympathetically to their woes and offered to take them out to the future sites of their stone blocks. After seeing them off, I returned to the office feeling miserable.

"This had better work," Aahz said gloomily.

Until it did, we kept looking for alternatives. So far, nothing promising had come to light. Aahz and I kept up our rounds of the site, fixing what we could and sounding sympathetic about what we couldn't.

"Make way for the Pharaoh!" bellowed a voice from the sky.

"That's all we need," Aahz groaned. But he pasted on a smile as Samwise rushed in to rally us for a royal welcome.

"Hail, in the name of all the Ghords of Ghordon, Eternal Ancestors Who Give Life and Light to All Creatures. Blessings upon Suzal, daughter of Geezer, she who is Pharaoh and Queen of Aegis from the Underworld to the Overheaven, etcetera, etcetera, and so forth!" shouted her herald, alighting on the flagstones. He held up a hand, and the Sphinxes brought the chariot in for a landing. This was another casual visit, with perhaps sixty attendants, a handful of dancing girls, two jugglers and fifteen court officials on hand.

"And how are you doing, gorgeous?" Aahz asked, as he helped her down from the golden staircase.

"Not well, O Sober-faced one," Suzal said. She looked thinner than she had since her last visit. "Things do not sit well with me lately."

"It's the heat," I offered sympathetically.

"It's always hot here," said Gurn. We looked down at him. I had to look twice. Instead of the miserable, twisted figure that we were accustomed to seeing, he was . . . handsome. Very handsome. His eyes were wide and brown under a noble brow, his nose was straight as mine but more aristocratic, his chin strong and square.

"I ..." I began. What could I say?

"Say nothing," Gurn snapped. "Her majesty wants to view the progress you are making. I hope it is worthwhile."

"The fourth tier is doing really well, your majesty,"

Samwise said, bowing over and over. He had no wish to get closer to Gurn. "May I offer you a tour?"

"I would enjoy a tour," she said, but she smiled at Aahz. "But I would feel more cheerful if my trusted minister came with me."

"No!" Gurn exclaimed. "I mean, your majesty, I must check upon the business dealings of your architect's company."

"Oh," the queen said, deeply disappointed. She turned to Aahz. "Then, would you escort me, O Sober-faced one?"

"It would be a pleasure, doll," Aahz said, bowing over her hand with a lascivious look. He tucked her arm into his elbow as the Sphinxes came around with Suzal's mini-chariot. He helped her into it and sat on the lip near her feet. The Sphinxes bent their knees, opened their wings, and took off.

I turned to Gurn again.

"What happened?" I asked, unable to contain myself.

"It is your cursed curse!" he said. "I have been able to keep my distance all these years from her majesty because she could hardly bear to behold me, but now she looks at me with favor, even curiosity. I tell you, it is torture! If you do not defeat Diksen soon, my effectiveness as her minister is at an end, and I will not stand for that!"

"It could be your dream come true," I said, keeping my voice low so the other courtiers couldn't hear me. "You said she is your life."

"It is a nightmare! She is the daughter of kings and queens. I am a bureaucrat. That is the way it must remain. Has he capitulated yet?"

"Not yet," I said, with a glance toward the distant pavilion.

"You have only one day." "I know, I know!"

Gurn stormed away. Chumley took advantage of the fact that everybody's eyes were on the sky to come and murmur down to me.

"No luck on this end so far," he said. "And I haven't been able to find a copy of that book you were looking for."

"Never mind," I said. "We found one. I don't know if it's going to work or not."

"If you need me to, I will speak to the Pharaoh on your behalf. Gurn's not the only advisor she listens to."

"Thanks."

The chariot returned. The queen's normally pale skin had a green cast to it, but not as bad as usual. No doubt Aahz's ongoing chatter had kept her mind off her nausea.

"... Pretty soon we'll be taking bids for the shopping area surrounding this thing," Aahz was saying as the Sphinxes brought the sedan chair in for a landing. "Sacrifices by Nee-Ro wants a prime location. The rent-a-mourner service is already signed up. All the modern conveniences, but quality only. You'll be proud to say you own the top spot."

"You ease my mind, O noble Pervect," Suzal said, as he handed her down. Aahz tipped me a wink.

"And all at rock-bottom prices," Samwise cracked. "Get it? Rock . . . never mind," he said, as we all looked at him. He cringed.

"One more day," Gurn threatened, as the queen ascended her grand conveyance again.

I didn't sleep well that night. I kept waking up from dreams of being locked in a tiny, dank, dark chamber with slime dripping down the walls onto me. Then I realized that Gleep was asleep with his long neck and head stretched out on the bed beside me. The slime and the damp breath belonged to him. I breathed in the familiar gagging aroma of sulphur and tried to get some rest.

We went back to the office on the morning of the seventh day, but not to stay.

"I see no reason to sit around waiting to go to prison," Aahz said. "I wouldn't have come back at all, but I want a copy of the list of my clients. Either I'll figure out a way to make it up to them, or keep out of their way until this all blows over. Gurn is going to have to chase us if he wants to catch us."

I concurred. We couldn't do anything locked up in a cell. Aahz and I might have to go on the run for a while, but we had plenty of places we could stay for a few days at a time. Gurn wouldn't be able to tell where we had gone. We would work on lifting the curse at a safe distance from Ghordon.