Connie Willis - Doomsday Book

The bells have stopped. Roche asked me if I thought it was a sign the plague had stopped. "Perhaps God has come to help us after all," he said.

I don't think so. In Tournai church officials sent out an order stopping the bells because the sound frightened the people. Perhaps the Bishop of Bath has sent one out as well.

The sound was frightening, but the silence is worse. It's like the end of the world.

Mary had been dead almost the entire time he had been ill. She had come down with it the day the analogue arrived. She had developed pneumonia almost immediately, and on the second day her heart had stopped. The sixth of January. Epiphany.

"You should have told me," Dunworthy had said.

"I did tell you. Don't you remember?"

He had no memory of it at all, had had no warning even when Mrs. Gaddson was allowed free access to his room, when Colin had said, "They won't tell you anything." It had not even struck him as odd that she hadn't come to see him.

"I told you when she got ill," Colin had said, "and I told you when she died, but you were too ill to care."

He thought of Colin waiting outside her room for news and then coming and standing by his bedside, trying to tell him. "I'm sorry, Colin."

"You couldn't help it that you were ill," Colin said. "It wasn't your fault."

He had told Ms. Taylor that, and she had not believed him any more than he believed Colin now. He did not think that Colin believed it either.

"It was all right," Colin said. "Everyone was very nice except Sister. She wouldn't let me tell you even after you started getting better, but everyone else was nice except the Gallstone. She kept reading me Scriptures about how God strikes down the unrighteous. Mr. Finch rang my mother, but she couldn't come, and so he made all the funeral arrangements. He was very nice. The Americans were nice, too. They kept giving me sweets.

"I'm sorry," Dunworthy had said then and after Colin had gone, expelled by the ancient sister. "I'm sorry."

He had not been back, and Dunworthy didn't know whether the nurse had barred him from the infirmary or whether, in spite of what he said, Colin would not forgive him.

He had abandoned Colin, gone off and left him at the mercy of Mrs. Gadsson and the sister and doctors who would not tell him anything. He had gone where he could not be reached, as incommunicado as Basingame, salmon fishing on some river in Scotland. And no matter what Colin said, he believed that if Dunworthy had truly wanted to, illness or no, he could have been there to help him.

"You think Kivrin's dead, too, don't you?" Colin had asked him after Montoya left. "Like Ms. Montoya does?"

"I'm afraid so."

"But you said she couldn't get the plague. What if she's not dead? What if she's at the rendezvous right now, waiting for you?"

"She'd been infected with influenza, Colin."

"But so were you, and you didn't die. Maybe she didn't die either. I think you should go see Badri and see if he has any ideas. Maybe he could turn the machine on again or something."

"You don't understand," he'd said. "It's not like a pocket torch. The fix can't be switched on again."

"Well, but maybe he could do another one. A new fix. To the same time."

To the same time. A drop, even with the coordinates already known, took days to set up. And Badri didn't have the coordinates. He only had the date. He could "make" a new set of coordinates based on the date, if the locationals had stayed the same, if Badri in his fever hadn't scrambled them as well and if the paradoxes would allow a second drop at all.

There was no way to explain it all to Colin, no way to tell him Kivrin could not possibly have survived influenza in a century where the standard treatment was blood-letting. "It won't work, Colin," he'd said, suddenly too tired to explain anything. "I'm sorry."

"So you're just going to leave her there? Whether she's dead or not? You're not even going to talk to Badri?"

"Colin — "

"Aunt Mary did everything for you. She didn't give up!"

" What is going on in here?" the sister had demanded, creaking in. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you persist in upsetting the patient."

"I was leaving anyway," Colin had said and flung himself out.

He hadn't come back that afternoon or all evening or the next morning.

"Am I being allowed visitors?" Dunworthy asked William's nurse when she came on duty.

"Yes," she said, looking at the screens. "There's someone waiting to see you now."

It was Mrs. Gaddson. She already had her Bible open.

"Luke Chapter 23:23," she said, glaring pestilentiallly at him. "Since you're so interested in the Crucifixion. 'And when they were come to the place which is called Calvary, there they crucified him.'"

If God had known where His Son was, He would never have let them do that to him, Dunworthy thought. He would have pulled him out, He would have come and rescued him.

During the Black Death, the contemps believed God had abandoned them. "Why do you turn your face from us?" they had written. "Why do you ignore our cries?" But perhaps He hadn't heard them. Perhaps He had been unconscious, lying ill in heaven, helpless Himself and unable to come.

"'And there was a darkness over all the earth until the ninth hour,'" Mrs. Gaddson read, "'and the sun was darkened…'"

The contemps had believed it was the end of the world, that Armageddon had come, that Satan had triumphed at last. He had, Dunworthy thought. He had closed the net. He had lost the fix.

He thought about Gilchrist. He wondered if he had realized what he had done before he died or if he had lain unconscious and oblivious, unaware that he had murdered Kivrin.

"'And Jesus led them out as far as to Bethany,'" Mrs. Gaddson read, "'and he lifted up his hands and blessed them. And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and was carried up into heaven.'"

He was parted from them, and was carried up into heaven. God did come to get him, Dunworthy thought. But too late. Too late.

She went on reading until William's nurse came on duty. "Naptime," she said briskly, shoving Mrs. Gaddson out. She came over to the bed, snatched his pillow from under his head, and gave it several sharp whacks.

"Has Colin come?" he asked.

"I haven't seen him since yesterday," she said, pushing the pillow back under his head. "I want you to try to go to sleep now."

"Ms. Montoya hasn't been here?"

"Not since yesterday." She handed him a capsule and a paper cup.

"Have there been any messages?"

"No messages," she said. She took the empty cup from him. "Try to sleep."

No messages. "I'll try to be buried in the churchyard," Kivrin had told Montoya, but they'd run out of room in the churchyards. They had buried the plague victims in trenches, in ditches. They had thrown them in the river. Towards the end they hadn't buried them at all. They had piled them in heaps and set fire to them.

Montoya would never find the corder. And if she did, what would the message be? "I went to the drop, but it didn't open. What happened?" Kivrin's voice rising in panic, in reproach, crying, "Eloi, eloi, why hast thou forsaken me?"

William's nurse made him sit up in a chair to eat his lunch. While he was finishing his stewed prunes, Finch came in.

"We're nearly out of tinned fruit," he said, pointing at Dunworthy's tray. " And lavatory paper. I have no idea how they expect us to start term." He sat down on the end of the bed. "The university's set the start of term for the twenty-fifth, but we simply can't be ready by them. We still have fifteen patients in Salvin, the mass immunizations have scarcely started, and I'm not at all convinced we've seen the last of the flu cases."