Nancy Kress - Nothing Human

“And sometimes you can slip through repressors.”

“Can you, Rafe?”

“Well, RNA polymerase can. Just flex the repressor a little…” Mike flexed his biceps. “Like this, Rafe? Or maybe I should ask Emily.”

“You can ask me,” Lillie said, and instantly thought, What the hell am I doing? She felt herself blush.

Mike grinned. “Maybe you are the right one to ask, Lillie. Sensible Lillie.”

“That’s not very flattering to Lillie,” Emily said, laughing. “Okay,” Mike said, “pretty Lillie, then. Beautiful Lillie. Is that better, Lillie?”

“I didn’t mind ‘sensible,’ ” Lillie said, with comic primness, and knew she meant it. But he’d also called her “beautiful”…

That evening the boys and Bonnie all left their basketball and wandered over to the paved cafe area where the girls usually danced.

Sam was the boldest. “Jessie, wanna dance?”

“Why not?” she said flippantly. Lillie saw that, for the first time in a long time, Jessica had put on the make-up she’d brought with her from Earth. So had Madison.

Maybe Madison would loan Lillie some eyeliner. “Dance, Lillie?” Mike said. She nodded and he took her in his arms.

The song was slow, “Always and Only You,” a big hit by Something Extra. Leaning awkwardly against Mike’s chest, Lillie felt waves of warmth roll over her. She didn’t want the song to end.

It did, and the next one on the cube was a skurler. Lillie hung back, not knowing the steps, but Alex seized her hand. “Come on, Lillie.”

“I don’t know how to skurl,”

“It’s easy. I’ll show you.”

Skurling required the partners to hold each other’s wrists constantly and do as many energetic, rhythmic moves as they could without letting go. Alex was good. Lillie was awful, and once she fell down in a heap. Alex pulled her up, not letting go of her hands, and made her continue. His hand felt warm. She could feel the pulse in his wrist.

She danced a skurler with Rafe, who was better than she expected, a slow dance with Jason, then another with Jon. Then Sam slipped his arm around her waist. “My turn, Lillie.”

She didn’t want to dance with Sam. She didn’t even like him! But his arm pulled her strongly to him, and she didn’t pull away. He had a stronger smell than the other boys, a sort of nice smell actually, and the palms of his hands pressed flat against her back. She felt them—oh, yes, she felt them!—even through her T-shirt. But when one palm crept toward the side of her breast, she pushed him away.

“Don’t be such a cock-tease, Lillie.”

‘You leave me alone!” Suddenly she was near tears.

Sam shrugged and walked away. Lillie started out of the garden, but then changed her mind and sat down in a chair to watch the dancing.

Sajelle was dancing, very close, with Alex.

Jason’s handsome face was flushed as he clung to Hannah.

Madison was dancing with Rafe, whom she’d always called “that little dork.” He was now as tall as she was. Some of her lipstick had come off on his shirt.

Sam had taken Jessica away from Derek, and now Sam was dancing with her. They were pressing the bottom parts of their bodies together and thrusting in unison, and it almost looked like… Lillie looked away, embarrassed.

There were more girls than boys, so some of the girls danced together. Sophie danced with Amy and Bonnie with Julie. But it wasn’t the same. Sophie and Amy held each other loosely, inches between their bodies, but Bonnie kept pulling Julie toward her. Julie pulled away a bit, smiling, but Bonnie only held her more tightly, and the look on Bonnie’s face…

They used to call Bonnie “a lezzie.” Months ago, when everybody first arrived. Not lately, not for a long time, but—

“My dance,” Mike said, looming in front of her. Lillie stood and moved into him, and none of the others she’d danced with, Alex or Jason or Rafe, was the same as Mike. Nobody else felt like this in her arms, nobody else felt so right…

She danced with Mike the rest of the evening, which was over so soon that Lillie was shocked. The lights blinked, which meant time to go to their rooms, and it had to be a mistake, the system was off, it couldn’t be any later than nine at the most―

Mike and she stared at each other. For a terrifying, exhilarating moment she thought he was going to kiss her. But he stepped back and mumbled awkwardly, ”’ Night, Lillie.”

“Good night, Mike.”

She walked back to her room, feeling curiously empty.

Inside, she locked the door, undressed, and lay on the bed. Twenty minutes after blinking, the lights went out for the night, leaving only a faint glow around the doorway and in the corridor leading to the bathrooms.

Lillie stared at that glow, unable to sleep. She heard doors opening, closing again. It was a long time before she could drift off, and her dreams were troubled and strange.

At breakfast the next morning, Sam and Jessica sat very close together and groped each other under the table. “Get a room,” Madison muttered. Lillie looked away from Jessie and Sam. It was obvious they’d spent the night together and wanted everybody to know it.

Lillie went back to sitting in class with Emily, Sajelle, and Madison. None of them mentioned it; they just sat together. Lillie felt relieved. Still, she couldn’t stop glancing over at the table Mike shared with Derek, Sophie, and Amy. Why was Mike talking so much to Sophie? Sophie had never struck Lillie as that interesting.

Madison said casually, “A few people were talking about another dance tonight.”

“I heard that, too,” Emily said, too quickly. “Actually, I thought I might put on a dress. I brought one. I just haven’t worn it yet.”

Lillie hadn’t brought any dresses. Suddenly she wanted one. No, she didn’t… at home she almost never wore dresses. What was the matter with her?

She’d wear her pale blue top. It was the prettiest one she had. And the locket with the pictures of Mom and Uncle Keith, it was really pretty, she’d put it someplace in her footlocker…

Uncle Keith. For a minute she saw his face clearly, as shocking as if he’d materialized in front of her. She had to go home, Uncle Keith must miss her so much, he had nobody else… She’d always been aware of how much she meant to him…

“Lillie, still want to borrow some eyeliner?” Madison said to her, and Uncle Keith’s face vanished.

The pale blue top clung to Lillie’s body. Maybe it was a bit small, she might have grown some there… She left it on anyway. With the locket around her neck, her hair freshly washed, and Madison’s eyeliner and lipstick, she decided she looked nice.

All the girls came to the garden later tonight, having taken time to braid or puff hair, trade clothes, borrow jewelry. The boys waited impatiently, not even playing basketball. Tonight they’d agreed on Jason’s handheld for the music instead of Hannah’s cube. The sound quality on the handheld was worse, but it had more slow songs.

Mike didn’t say anything about Lillie’s appearance, but that was all right. He didn’t have to. She saw it in his eyes.

There wasn’t as much switching partners tonight as last night. That caused trouble.

Lillie danced with Mike. Sam and Jessica were dancing so close and moving their pelvises against each other so suggestively that Lillie looked away. Emily danced with Rafe, Sajelle with Alex, Madison with Jon, Hannah with Derek. Only Jason kept changing partners. Unless he was dancing with one of them, the other girls danced with each other.

Elizabeth wasn’t at the dance. Well, no surprise there, Lillie thought. But what did Elizabeth do with her evenings?

Bonnie asked Julie to dance. Julie refused. Bonnie then danced with Amy. Lillie wasn’t paying any attention to them, lost in dancing with Mike, until Amy shouted, “Get away, you lezzie!”