Nancy Kress - Nothing Human

The odd thing was, Lillie did. No one else she had ever known had thoughts like these. The religious people believed God had a design for them, but Lillie could find no evidence to believe in God. Her mother’s crazy beliefs had ensured that. The non-religious people just wanted to have a good time, or make a lot of money, or look good, or maybe raise their kids. Then the kids would grow up to raise theirs, on and on, but without any point.

She said shakily, “I think I understand.”

“I think you do, too. That’s why I told you. I feel very close to you, Lillie. I think in many ways we’re very alike.”

But that was too much. Pam was a pribir, she came from another planet or ship or something, she whizzed around the galaxy teaching genetics, she smelled what her husband was thinking… Pam and Lillie were not alike. Abruptly Lillie stood. She couldn’t have said why, but she could not stay sitting down any longer.

“I know,” came Pam’s voice in the gloom, “it’s a strange thought. We’re also very different, too. I’m not minimizing that. But I’m glad we talked, Lillie.”

And then Lillie was glad, too. In a complete reversal of her precious sudden revulsion, she saw that Pam was wonderful. That Pam understood her as no one else ever had, that Pam had entrusted her with a great idea which made an unbreakable bond between them. Pam was what Lillie wanted to grow up to be, wise and compassionate and centered in herself, and Pam even smelled wonderful, a sudden rush of scent that intoxicated Lillie…

“You better go back to your room now, Lillie,” Pam said gently.

“Yes. But I… you…”

“Go back to your room,” Pam said, and Lillie went joyfully, making her way through the utter darkness of the common room to the corridor, to her door, to her bed, where she was seized with a tremendous unstoppable desire for sleep.

In the morning, however, she remembered the entire conversation. She thought about it often, while splicing genes and receiving codon images and walking with Madison and Sajelle. Not while having sex with Mike, though. That remained an undivided experience, consuming her, leaving no room for hesitation or reflection or anything else but itself.

Some days later, Lillie woke feeling ill. At first she didn’t even recognize the feeling; she hadn’t been sick since coming aboard the Flyer. But now her throat felt scratchy and sore and her head ached. She put her fingers to the sides of her neck, as her mother had done so long ago whenever Lillie complained of sickness. The glands in her throat felt swollen and sore.

Mike had already left her bed, probably for the showers. Lillie hadn’t heard him go. She swung her feet off the bed and felt the motion ricochet around in her head.

All at once she wanted Uncle Keith, unthought of for… how long?

“Lillie? You coming to breakfast?” Sajelle stuck her head in the door. “Mike asking for you.”

“I don’t… feel so good.”

Sajelle came into the room. “Oh, girl, you don’t look so good. You going to hurl?”

“No. I-“

“I’m getting Pam. Lay right there, baby.”

Pam hurried in ahead of Sajelle and Madison. Emily peered from the hallway. It was becoming a parade, Lillie thought irritably, and it seemed even the irritation hurt her head.

Suddenly all she wanted was to go home.

Pam’s eyes gleamed. “How interesting! Lillie, you must have a… I don’t know the word in English.”

“A what?” Sajelle demanded. “She got something dangerous?” Madison took a step back from the bed.

“No, no, of course not,” Pam said. “You can’t get sick on ship. Lillie must have a virus she brought with her, of the kind that can stay dormant inside cells for years and then suddenly go active. But we can deal with that.”

“How?” demanded Sajelle, ever practical.

“We’ll need to take her into our… our hospital. Lillie, we’ll give you anesthetic, all right? Nothing will hurt. We’ll just fix you up good.” Pam was proud of the slang she was learning from them.

“Drugs?” Lillie managed to get out. Her head had never ached like this before. She closed her eyes, but it didn’t help. Very rarely had Lillie gotten sick at all, and then she always threw it off quickly. Good immune system, Uncle Keith always said.

Uncle Keith…

When she opened her eyes, a second bed floated beside hers, and the room was full of people.

“Maglev!” Rafe said, ducking to crawl underneath the floating platform. “Has to be! The floor has superconductors woven into it, right, Pam?”

“Get out from there, Rafe,” Pete said. “The floater isn’t important. It’s not the right way, just a necessary machine. Just relax, Lillie.”

“Mike?”

“He’s still at breakfast,” Madison said. “You want me to go get him?”

Answering was too much effort. Pete easily lifted Lillie from her bed to the platform. Somewhere behind her headache and wheezy breathing, Lillie was glad she was dressed. The platform floated out of the room, Pam and Pete on either side, the others trailing behind in concern or excitement.

“Go eat breakfast,” Pam told them irritably.

“Do we still have school?” somebody called.

‘Yes! Of course!”

The platform floated Lillie through commons, through the garden, to a far wall. Lillie made herself turn her head to look. The wall was closed seamless metal… until Pam touched it. It began to open.

Pam said something sharply to Pete in a language Lillie had never heard. He answered impatiently, “Not outside here!” Lillie floated through the wall.

She scanned everything, ignoring pain, knowing she would have only a few seconds. Sure enough, the drowsiness struck and she was asleep.

But not before she’d seen a totally alien place, and a monster flowing toward her.

She woke in her own room, Sajelle and Pam beside her. She felt wonderful.

“Hey, baby, you awake?” Sajelle said fondly.

“Yes.” Lillie sat up. There was no weakness, no grogginess. She felt she could run a marathon. “What was it?”

“A virus,” Pam said warmly. “Acquired, latent until now. We haven’t seen it before. We added it to the genetics library.”

“You’re a library all by yourself,” Sajelle said, grinning.

Madison breezed into the room with a huge bunch of yellow and pink flowers. “Lillie! You were right, Pam, she woke up just when you said. These are for you, fresh from the garden.”

Lillie took the flowers. They smelled incredibly sweet.

“Mixed the genes myself,” Madison said proudly.

Rafe and Jason entered hesitantly. Pam, Lillie noticed, scowled briefly at Rafe, then replaced the scowl with a pleasant smile. Jason said, “The princess awakes!” He made a low sweeping caricature of a bow.

Rafe said, “You okay, Lillie?”

“I’m fine.” She swung her feet off the bed. Her body felt bursting with health. “Where’s Mike?” Suddenly nobody looked at her.

A tiny cold chill hit Lillie’s spine. “Where’s Mike? Is he sick, too? Did I give him my disease?”

“Oh, no, Mike’s fine,” Madison said, still not looking at her.

Jason said, “He’s still in the showers. He was going in when I was coming out.”

From Sajelle: “You’ll see him in class. Right after breakfast.”

Breakfast? Lillie said, “But… but you were all going into breakfast when I went into the hospital.” A memory tugged at her, something strange and monstrous… it was gone. “Pam, did you cure me that fast?”

Pam laughed. Madison said, “She doesn’t realize! Lillie, you’ve been gone ten days!”

Ten days.

Pam saw her face. “It’s all right, Lillie,” she said reassuringly. “It just took that long to remove every trace of the virus from your body. But you’re fine.”