Gord Zajac - Major Karnage

The strand snapped, curling up into the core of Karnage’s psyche, hiding within the last chunk of himself that still remained. A tiny vault, firmly held shut, stuck away in the darkest corner of his mind. The remains of the strand leaked out, but without the glue that held them together, they cluttered together into a collage of random thoughts with little meaning.

…I have learned to work within my limitations you just gotta use your head you should learn to do the same I have learned to work within my limitations you just gotta use your head you should learn to do the same…

The squiggles found the vault—little more than a safe deposit box—and Karnage felt fingers pulling at its seams, trying to force it to give up its secrets. It leaked the rest of the strand fragments, like radiation from a leaky nuclear reactor.

…I have learned to work within my limitations you just gotta use your head you should learn to do the same I have learned to work within my limitations you just gotta use your head you should learn to do the same…

The squiggles tore deeper and harder at the safe deposit box, slipping into the cracks, trying to pull it open. It leaked wisps of feelings and emotions, so powerful and terrifying that Karnage could almost remember them. But it wasn’t him that was remembering: it was his lizard brain. The primal beast inside that lay dormant, that only emerged when it could break free. There was something that would let it go, but Karnage couldn’t remember what it was. He tried to concentrate on the words leaking from the box, tried to decipher their meaning:

…I have learned to work within my limitations you just gotta use your head you should learn to do the same you just gotta use your head…

And then it hit him.

…you just gotta use your head…

Karnage stopped fighting. The squiggles tore apart the last of his mental blocks, ripping open the black box, releasing the lizard brain, and revealing Karnage’s locked away memories of…

THE WAR!

Bullets and brains and smoke and death poured out into the squiggles, overwhelming them. The squiggles pushed back, twitching in fury, trying to sift through the chaos, put it all back in the box, but they were thrown into disarray again and again, as the vestiges of Karnage’s lizard brain overwhelmed them with its primal rage—and with them, the Intelligence.

What’s going on? It cried. What’s happening?

You’re supposed to be smart, Karnage thought. You figure it out.

Somewhere through the noise, Karnage could feel his Sanity Levels rocketing upwards, faster than they had ever gone before, each level upgrade truncating the next. He could feel the Intelligence’s panic—its dread as the levels rose higher and higher.

You know what happens when I hit Tricycle Red, Karnage thought.

It won’t affect me! The Intelligence screeched. You’ll just kill yourself! I’ll still live! I’ll still live!

Sure you will, Karnage thought. But it will hurt like hell, won’t it?

It doesn’t matter! It cried. I will return! I always return! Your death will be meaningless.

Yeah, but I’ll give you one hell of a bloody nose in the process, won’t I?

You won’t do it to yourself! You can’t! The Intelligence started to panic. You won’t let yourself die like this! You’re a fighter! A warrior! It’s not your way. YOU CAN’T!

Karnage heard his Sanity Patch hit Strawberry Shortcake. He grabbed control of his face and forced his mouth into a manic grin. “Wanna bet, monkeyfucker?”

NO!

Karnage’s head burst, and everything went black.

Karnage’s vision cleared, and he found himself kneeling on the floor, panting for breath. The squiggles had disappeared. The presence in his head was gone.

He looked over at the Nucleus resting on its lone tendril. It throbbed with green energy. The Intelligence had returned to it. But something was wrong. He could hear it screaming in his head. “THE WARRR! THE WARRR!”

Karnage winced, ready for his lizard brain to launch into fury. But it didn’t.

He could still remember The War, but the rage he had long associated with those memories was gone. It was as if it had been ripped from his brain when the Intelligence had pulled out of his mind.

“THE WARRR! THE WARRR!”

Karnage could still remember being the Intelligence. He knew that his lizard brain wouldn’t preoccupy the Intelligence for long. It would be like a cold, or a chill. Eventually the squiggles would figure out how to route around the damage, and the Intelligence would return stronger than before.

He had to act fast.

Karnage tugged the glowing Nucleus from its holder, the Intelligence still screaming in his head.

“THE WARRR! THE WARRR!”

He grabbed the discarded rocket. He picked up his goober gun and aimed it at the floor. He fired.

“THE WARRR! THE WARRR!”

He dipped the tip of the rocket into the expanding ball of goober and pulled out a gooey glob. He slapped the Nucleus into the goober before it solidified.

“THE WARRR! THE WARRR!”

With a final crackle, the goober hardened, gluing the Nucleus to the tip of the rocket. Karnage reloaded the rocket into the launcher. He locked the helmet back onto his suit, then slung both the goober rifle and rocket launcher firmly over each shoulder.

“THE WARRR! THE WARRR!”

He grabbed the energy spear, and with the last of the Intelligence’s memories, fired it at one of the translucent hatches. The energy ball vaporized the grey translucent film.

Then the vortex of space sucked him out of the ship.

Karnage spun through the black. He let go of the spear, and pulled the goober rifle from his shoulder. He pointed the rifle in the opposite direction of his spin, and fired several rounds. He slowed down to a gentle twirl. He dropped the goober rifle, and pulled the rocket launcher off his other shoulder. He brought the sight up to his visor.

He waited until his slow spin put the flashing red cross-hair over the glowing orb of the sun, then fired.

He flew backward as the rocket shot forward, carrying the frenetically glowing Nucleus towards the sun. Some vestige of the Intelligence’s psyche reminded him about gravity wells and fusion and only being able to convert energy rather than destroying it. But at this point, so much of the Intelligence was gone from his psyche that it all just sounded like bullshit to him.

Karnage aimed a middle finger in the direction of the disappearing rocket.

“Burn in hell, monkeyfucker,” he said.

Karnage drifted through the pitch black of space. Tiny stars glittered in the distance.

He closed his eyes.

Whatever happened from here on in, he couldn’t give a shit. To hell with the Sanity Patch. To hell with the Dabney Corporation, the Nagasaki Treaties, and the whole goddamn planet.

He’d saved his friends.

Victory was finally his.

There was nothing left to do but drift through space until he was dead.

And that was all right by Major Karnage.

A voice crackled across the intercom. “Major? Are you awake?” Karnage opened his eyes. The infinite black stared down at him, blinking with a thousand pin-sized eyes of light. One of the lights grew bigger. It winked at him. “Cookie? Is that you?”

“It is, Major.”

The light in the distance grew bigger. “Am I dead?”

“Not as far as I can tell,” Cookie said.

“Where are you?”