Gord Zajac - Major Karnage

Karnage turned and walked down the tunnel. He heard Roach raging behind him, his voice becoming more and more squiggly by the second. “I’ll get you for this, Major. You hear me?! I’ll get you for this!”

The tunnel became brighter as more green energy flowed through the pipes. The white wisps grew timid, darting furtively away from the massive torrents of green. The slower pace suited Karnage just fine. The pipes had thickened and twisted, becoming so gnarled and ungainly that he had to crawl over them.

At last, the tunnel ended in a giant door. White threads of light slowly spun themselves into the outer rim, and the door spiralled open.

Karnage stepped through and found himself in an oval chamber. The pipes formed a thick strand that tapered into a single tendril in the centre of the room. The tendril coiled up and wrapped itself around a dull grey sphere the size of a bowling ball. That must be it, Karnage thought. The Nucleus.

He lined the sphere up in the sights of the rocket launcher. The auto-targeting grid locked onto it with a flashing red cross-hair.

He heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Can I help you with something?”

Karnage turned around. Sydney stood behind him. Her pupils were pulled out into long squiggly Ws. She grinned. “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you looking for me?”

Karnage stared at Sydney, his mind a mix of emotions. The Intelligence stared back at Karnage through Sydney’s squiggly eyes. He could feel its cold, piercing gaze. I’m sorry, Cookie, he thought . I didn’t make it in time.

Karnage stared hard into Sydney’s eyes, trying to look past the squiggles, hoping to catch a glimpse of her still inside. “Captain?” he said. “Can you hear me?”

The Intelligence made Sydney laugh. “Of course she can hear you. She is me. And I am her. We are the same.” The Intelligence forced Sydney to look at the rocket launcher. “What’s that?”

Sydney launched into a cartwheel, and flew past Karnage. A set of toes flew out and viciously jammed into his wrists. His hands went numb, and the rocket launcher fell from his grasp. Deft fingers whipped it up, and Sydney tumbled back in front of Karnage. She held the rocket launcher in her hands. “Oh, I know what this is. It’s an RPG-OX9, isn’t it?” The Intelligence slung the launcher over Sydney’s shoulder. “Space combat gear, right? Like the suit. Great for zero oxygen environments. Too bad you don’t need it in here. The air’s quite breathable. At least for now. Please, Major. Take your helmet off. Stay awhile.”

Sydney flipped up and over Karnage. Karnage heard a loud clickhiss, and his helmet twisted off. It flew across the floor, and rolled to a stop beneath the Nucleus. The toxic smell of the alien infestation assaulted his nostrils.

“There, that’s better.” The Intelligence made Sydney pace around Karnage, casually rotating the rocket launcher in her hands. “So what were you planning to do with this, hmm? Set off some fireworks? Get in some target practice? Oh wait, I know.” The Intelligence had Sydney pull the rocket out of the launch tube and toss the tube aside. “You were going to destroy me with this, weren’t you?” The Intelligence tapped the tip of the warhead with Sydney’s fingers. “You thought you were going to just waltz in here, and blow me to smithereens.” It casually dropped the rocket from Sydney’s fingers where it clattered to the floor. Sydney’s eyes swivelled up to Karnage, staring at him mockingly. “Did you really think it would be that easy? That I wouldn’t know of your presence the moment you entered those hatchways?”

Karnage shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

The Intelligence forced Sydney’s face into a derisive scorn. “Do you know how many explosions I’ve had to endure over the years? Too many to count. And many far more powerful than this. Frankly, I’m a little insulted. I thought the great Major Karnage would be able to hatch a far more clever plan than this.”

“Sorry to disappoint. I’ll try to do better next time.”

The Intelligence cocked Sydney’s head, staring at him like a cat looking down at a cornered mouse. “Do you know what I am, Major?”

“You’re the Intelligence,” Karnage said, “behind the invasion.”

The Intelligence shook Sydney’s head. “Is that what you think I am? Really? The Intelligence behind the invasion? You know so little, Major. Even less than I had imagined. Take a close look at me, Major. What do you see?”

“Something short, blonde, and squiggly.”

“Take a closer look, Major.” The Intelligence stepped forward, the light around it twitched with excitement. “I am energy. I am infinite. I am God.”

“Which god?”

“All of them! Take your pick. Search through their teachings, and you’ll find me at the core of it all. Your feeble little minds have been picking up on my ultra-violent transmissions for a long time now. Oh, you’ve tried to make sense of them, but you’ve failed. You’ve all failed so miserably! It’s embarrassing! How can you live with yourselves? You’ve all been subconsciously anticipating my arrival for so long, and yet none of you—not one—was able to even remotely understand what was going to happen. I’ve never seen such levels of ignorance in any species anywhere in the universe!

“It’s sad, Major. Truly sad. If you’d only known what gifts I would bring. The knowledge that I would share.”

“Maybe you should have asked first,” Karnage said. “See if we even wanted any of it.”

The Intelligence forced Sydney’s features into a scowl. “Excuse me? I never ask for anything. I see what I want, and I take it.”

“Why do you want our world? What’s so special about it?”

The Intelligence made Sydney shrug. “Nothing. My world was dying, and I needed a new one. So I came here. That’s all.”

“But why here? Why not somewhere else?”

“Why not here? It was available, so I took it.”

“But it wasn’t available! We were already here! This is our world!”

The Intelligence drew Sydney’s lips up in a smirk. “Your world? Really? You think just because you happened to be here when I arrived that it somehow makes you the legitimate owners? I chose this world long before your kind could even think of rising up out of the primordial ooze. Just because it took a few million years to get to this planet, that doesn’t grant you the right to claim it in the meantime. The fact you were stupid enough to evolve here isn’t my problem. You’re like a bunch of fleas jumping up and down on a dog’s back, proclaiming, ‘Hey, this dog is ours! We were here first! No one can take it from us!’ And while you’re all jumping up and down and talking about what great owners you are and what a great dog this is, the real owner is just above you, getting ready to slap on a new flea collar. This planet isn’t ‘yours.’ Jump up and down all you like. You’ve no rightful claim. You’re squatters. Nothing more. And I will dispose of you as I wish.”

“If you think so little of us, then why are you savin’ everything? Preserving it in all the spheres?”

The Intelligence shrugged. “It’s my hobby. Some collect insects. Others collect butterflies. I collect biospheres.”

“Why?”

“Why not? I enjoy seeing how the universe works. How each species has learned to adapt and survive. It also helps me to understand how best to adapt a planet to suit my needs.

“This world wasn’t perfectly suited to my needs in the beginning. No planet ever is, so don’t bother to start whining to me about finding another planet that’s a better fit. I’ve heard it all before and I’m sick of answering that question. This planet had to be carefully transformed. Its atmosphere altered. Global temperatures raised. Thankfully, your beloved Dabney Corporation was very eager to help me in my efforts.”