Gord Zajac - Major Karnage

“But I have to give you credit. You have proven to be a very worthy opponent. I’m sorry we had to be adversaries. We really wanted to make you a key player in this organization. It’s unfortunate we couldn’t come to an understanding. You’ll be pleased to know we’ve since found a more qualified candidate to take the position, so your services will no longer be required.

“I’ve authorized Patrick here to terminate you in whatever way he sees fit. Despite his previous setbacks, he’s assured me that you won’t escape this time. He’s given me his word on that, and if you knew Patrick like I do, you’d understand how significant that promise is.

“Before you die, I want you to understand: I have saved the human race. Not just the human race, but all life on Earth. Our biosphere will be preserved forever in the Archive. Our past will never be forgotten. As for the future, I’ve just put the finishing touches on the ultimate merger. I’ve just given the go-ahead to put our plan into action, starting right here in Dabneyville. A Dabney always leads by example, and this will be my finest example yet.

“Whatever it is you hoped to stop, Major, you’re too late.”

He winked, and the screen went black.

Sydney came out of the tunnels in the basement of her old precinct. She slipped through the maintenance door and down the darkened hallway. She stopped in front of a door with a peeling piece of masking tape stuck to it. The words “Digital Forensics” had been scrawled across it with black marker. Sydney opened the door and slipped quietly inside.

The room was lit by a bank of monitors. A hunched figure sat in front of the screens, his fingers working to either side of him on a set of ergonomic keyboards. He was surrounded by shelves stuffed with electronics in various states of destruction. The figure turned his face up to one of the monitors, and Sydney smiled as she recognized the profile. “Hey there, Campbell.”

The figure jumped. He turned and squinted through the dark at Sydney. His eyes went wide with shock. “Oh. Oh my god. Sydney? Is that really you?”

“It is.”

“What are you doing here? You’re a known fugitive now. You know that?”

“I know.”

“I mean like top ten most wanted fugitive. Top two, even! Only one they want more than you is that Major Karnage guy. Hey, is it true that he seduced you so you’d help him escape?”

“What? Where the hell did you hear that?”

“Captain Riggs said—”

“Captain Riggs is a lying fuckmonkey,” Sydney said.

Campbell suddenly started and looked around nervously. “Oh man, you know what? You really—I mean really shouldn’t be here. You’re a wanted criminal! I mean… I should arrest you. I mean—”

“Campbell, come on now. You haven’t arrested so much as a doughnut as long as I’ve known you. Do you really want to start now?”

Campbell shook his head. “Not really.”

“Good. Now listen, I need your help.” Sydney fished the disc out of her pocket. “Can you play this?”

Campbell took the disc and flipped it over in his hands. “Wow—I mean, really. Wow! I haven’t seen one of these in years. Where did you find this? This is like… I mean, it really is a collector’s item. Does it work?”

“I sure as hell hope so. Do you have anything that can play it?”

“I might. I just might.” Campbell jumped up and sifted through the hardware stacked on the shelves. Tangles of wires and screws fell to the floor. “The captain’s always bitching at me, telling me I gotta throw all this stuff out. But I keep telling him, you never know when this stuff will come in handy. You just never know. And now I’m right—I mean, really, I’m right. If I wasn’t holding on to the stuff, you’d never—”

There was a loud crash somewhere above them, followed by shouting. Campbell looked up. “What was that?” He looked at Sydney. “Does that have anything to do with you?”

Sydney grabbed Campbell’s face in her hands. “Campbell, for once in your life, I need you to stay focused. You’ve got to find something to play that disc. Can you do that for me?”

Campbell nodded. “I can. What’s on the disc?”

“Video clips. I need to get them on DiN.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere. All the official channels. All the unofficial channels.”

“There aren’t any unofficial channels left.”

“Just get it on all the channels you can.”

Campbell took another look at the disc. “Why? What is it?”

“You’ll understand when you see it,” Sydney said. “It’s kinda self explanatory. I promise you, Campbell, you get this data up there, you will have saved the world.”

He gave her a funny look. “Huh?”

There was another larger crash, and someone screamed. A muffled noise tore across the floor above them.

It was squiggly.

“What the hell was that?” Campbell said.

“Nothing good.” Sydney stared hard at the ceiling. She heard feet scrambling, and something crackled. “Give me your goober pistol, Campbell. Now.”

Campbell’s hand dropped down to it. “Why?”

“Because I’m a better shot than you.”

Campbell opened his mouth to argue, realized she was right, and shut up. He handed her his pistol. “Don’t let the captain find out about this.”

“He won’t find out, I promise.” Sydney headed for the door. “Just get that video on the DiN. Promise me you’ll do that, C. No matter what.”

“What do you mean no matter what? What’s going on up there?

This has something to do with you, doesn’t it?”

“No. Well, yes. Sort of. Look, it’s just too much to explain. You have to get that video up on the DiN. Before it’s too late.”

“Too late? What do you mean too late? Sydney, what the hell is going on?”

“Trust me, Campbell. Please! And stay here. Otherwise… just stay here. You’ll be safe.” She gave Campbell the thumbs up, and left. Sydney shut the door firmly behind her. She took three steps back, and fired three rounds of goober at the frame, sealing it shut.

Get those clips up, C.

There was more crackling and screaming from upstairs. Sydney ran down the hall and through the door into the stairwell. She walked cautiously up the stairs, her gun drawn.

The door to the main floor was gone, nothing but a smoking circle where it used to be. Dabneycops ran past the door. Pink volleys of goober shot across the doorway. Green energy balls flew in the other direction. A squidbug stopped in the doorway, levelled its energy spear, and fired. It looked down and spotted her, but Sydney fired first. Goober bloomed out from the squidbug’s chest as it fell to the ground. More squidbugs appeared in the doorway, their energy spears glowing, and Sydney raced back down the stairs. She could hear the clacking of feet on the stairs above her as she raced through the door at the bottom of the stairs back into the basement. She slammed the door behind her, and fired three more rounds of goober into it. She heard the squidbugs pounding on the door behind her, squiggling in frustration. Then, they grew quiet. Sydney reloaded her pistol, waiting for the goobered door to disappear.

She heard a crack-hiss behind her, and she spun around. Leaning against the wall at the end of the hall was a squidbug lighting a cigarette. The door to the maintenance tunnel swung on its hinges.

Sydney moved to raise her pistol. The squidbug didn’t even turn to look at her. It simply lifted its spear with one hand, and shot a crackling ball of energy across the hall.

Sydney’s world filled with an intense painful green.

“He’s quite an eloquent man, wouldn’t you say?” Patrick tossed the tablet like a frisbee. It slid across the glass floor and flipped over the side into the netting.