F. Fowler - Fifty Shades of Chicken

½ teaspoon ground coriander

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 fully cooked rotisserie chicken

6 soft buns, toasted and buttered, for serving

1 sweet onion, thinly sliced (optional)

Shredded cabbage or lettuce, for serving (optional)

Pickles, for serving (optional)

1 To prepare the barbecue sauce, in a large saucepan over medium-high heat, warm the oil. Add the onion and garlic and cook, stirring, until the onions are soft and browned, about 15 minutes. Transfer the mixture to the bowl of a food processor or blender. Add the molasses, vinegar, tomato paste, salt, Tabasco sauce, and spices and puree until smooth. Return the mixture to the saucepan and cook over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally, until the sauce has thickened slightly, about 15 minutes.

2 Gently pull apart the chicken, taking care to gather every bit of flesh, wresting it from the bone; chop any large pieces of skin into bite-size morsels. Toss the chicken bits with just enough of the barbecue sauce to coat it. Taste and stir in more of the hot sauce if you want it even hotter.

3 Stuff the pulled pullet into the hot, buttered buns and top with onion, cabbage, and pickles, if using. Enjoy.

I’m dripping and fragrant as he helps me out of the basin—white stoneware, egg-shaped, and very stylish. A scent of thyme and expensive oil clings to my skin as he sets me on a clean white kitchen towel. I consider how I must look. I still can’t believe this prince of the kitchen wants a pale, underweight ugly duckling like me. Surely there’s been some mistake.

“Hey,” he says, jolting me back to the present. “You’re a gorgeous, perfect bird, a beautiful swan of a chicken. Don’t droop your neck like that.” He tilts me up to let the last of the marinade flow out of me. His eyes are soft and warm. He quirks his mouth into a smile. “Trust me?” he asks in a low voice.

“Yes,” I breathe, unsure but unable to say anything more. Deep longing oozes in the marrow of my bones.

“Good,” he says. “I have plans for you.” He’s holding something in his hand, but I can’t quite make it out.

He turns me away from him, leaving my backside totally at his mercy. Slowly and gently, he pushes something deep inside me. It’s a lemon from the marinade. It fills me deliciously, as he simultaneously slips two long, knowing fingers within me. They trace slow circles reaching nearly all the way inside, and then back to the opening. Holy fuck , his fingers are so deep inside me. Those stunning hands are caressing my most secret parts, seasoning me to the point of eruption.

My inner goddess is running fast from side to side of her chicken run, as if she has lost her head.

The Wolf is already preheated and waiting—as always, he’s planned ahead. He places me on my back in a shallow bath of water. I feel a wet heat suffuse me, penetrating everywhere inside and out. I am melty and delectable.

It’s not long before I feel my doneness build, and when it comes it’s one of the most intense yet. My inner goddess bolts madly across her run.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

roasted chicken with carrots, celery, and onion

SERVES 4 TO 6

1 (4½- to 5-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels

½ cup extra-virgin olive oil

1 lemon, thinly sliced

1 small bunch of fresh thyme

2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

3 medium carrots, peeled and halved lengthwise, then cut crosswise into quarters

2 celery stalks, cut crosswise into thirds

1 large onion, peeled and cut into 1½-inch chunks

1 Cradle the chicken in a large bowl. Add the oil, lemon, thyme, salt, and pepper; toss well, making sure to caress the inside of the cavity, coating it with seasonings. Cover tightly and transfer to the refrigerator to rest overnight.

2 The next day, let the chicken warm up at room temperature for 30 minutes while you preheat the oven to 450°F. Remove the lemon slices and thyme from the marinade and press them deep inside the chicken’s cavity. Scatter the vegetables over the bottom of a roasting pan. Pour just enough water into the pan to moisten the bottom. Arrange the chicken, breast side up, on top of the bed of vegetables.

3 Transfer the pan to the center oven rack; roast for 20 minutes. Baste the juices all over the bird, and continue roasting, basting every 10 to 15 minutes for 35 minutes more (if the chicken is not golden brown all over at this point, continue to cook for 10 more minutes). Reduce the heat to 325°F. Finish roasting, without basting, until the chicken is cooked through and the thigh juices run clear, 20 to 35 minutes longer. Let the chicken stand for 5 minutes before carving. Serve with the pan juices and vegetables, if desired.

The lists are getting more frequent and more overbearing. He plies me with aromatics, rubs me with oil, flecks me with spice. My vitals clench deliciously as I recall his deft hands, the slow, low heat, even his fussy way of making dinner.

My unconscious clucks at me. Not making dinner. Cooking, she cackles. I ignore her as best I can, but she’s awfully shrill.

She has a point. I know he needs more than just white and dark meat with a bit of crispy skin. He craves spice, not sustenance. And I crave him.

I’m distracted from my musings by the pop of a cork. Blades is opening a bottle of fine red wine. He’s wearing his usual white apron that hangs, in that way, off his hips. Holy cats.

“Burgundy okay with you?”

“You know I know nothing about wine. I’m sure it’s great.” My voice cracks as I speak. There’s already a heady smell of bacon wafting from the gleaming cooktop. It’s discombobulating. He’s planning something special, but what?

There’s a loud hiss as he pours some of the wine into the hot pan. He fondles my drumstick with his strong fingers.

“You are mine,” he says softly. “Mine alone. Never forget it.”

I prevent myself from clucking, but merely make a low sound of assent. Though I might resist the thought, I am his.

“But tonight—I’m having a dinner party.”

Holy fuck.

“And I—?”

“Why, you’re the main course, Miss Hen.”

braised chicken with red wine, mushrooms, and onions

SERVES 4 TO 6

4 ounces bacon (about 4 strips)

20 pearl onions, peeled, or 1 large white onion, sliced

1 (3½- to 4- pound) chicken, cut into 8 pieces and patted dry with paper towels

1¼ teaspoons coarse kosher salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Olive oil, if needed

6 garlic cloves, smashed and peeled

2 cups unsalted or low-sodium chicken broth

2 cups red wine

2 bay leaves

4 fresh thyme sprigs

6 fresh parsley sprigs

10 ounces cremini or white button mushrooms, roughly chopped

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

Chopped fresh parsley, for garnish

Egg noodles, for serving

1 In a Dutch oven, brown the bacon. Transfer to a paper towel–lined plate, keeping the fat in the pan. Crumble the bacon.