F. Fowler - Fifty Shades of Chicken

He picks me up from the shelf and I notice for the first time an ingredients list posted on the door of the Sub-Zero. His list reads as bossy and kinky as he talks, and it includes peanuts, chocolate, raisins— and me . Pervy.

“Are we making cookies?” I cluck coquettishly.

He glances at the list and narrows his eyes at me playfully. “No, Miss Hen. I haven’t figured out how to make you a dessert. Yet.” He quirks his lips into a smile. “I have something more—elaborate—planned for today.”

“Ah, well. What if I don’t feel elaborate today?”

“You don’t want to cook?” he asks.

“Not just cook,” I murmur tentatively. Am I really going to ask?

“I see.” He frowns.

Okay, here goes nothing.

“I want you to make dinner with me. Simple. Normal. Unfinessed.”

His face clouds. Shit, this isn’t going well.

He cocks his head from one side to the other. And again. Jeez, he’s really discombobulated.

“You want candles and linen, hearts and flowers,” he says. “But I don’t know how to do that, Chicken. My tastes are very particular.”

“I want you to taste only me. Taste me for what I am. Clean your plate. Mop up my juices with bread…”

He takes a dazed step back, and for a moment the air grows tense.

“Please,” I whisper.

“I don’t know,” he mutters, and he stalks off to find something.

My subconscious is hopping mad. Now you’ve done it. You’ve made him chicken out.

But he returns with that foxy look in his eyes. His apron hangs off his hips in that way that makes my whole body gabble with glee. He’s holding something. It’s a chunk of chocolate.

Oh shit, he really knows how to distract a girl.

I still wish he’d make dinner with me, with me tasting like me. But maybe it’s okay to let him cook me if there’s chocolate involved. Just this once.

roasted chicken legs with mole sauce

SERVES 4 TO 6

2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt

3 chicken legs, thighs and drumsticks separated (about 3 pounds total)

1 tablespoon coriander seeds

½ teaspoon whole black peppercorns

2 whole cloves

2 chipotle chiles in adobo sauce, seeded if you like it soft and mild

2 plum tomatoes, roughly chopped

1 small white onion, roughly chopped

¼ cup roasted, salted peanuts, plus chopped peanuts for garnish (optional)

¼ cup raisins

3 ounces bittersweet chocolate, grated or chopped

3 garlic cloves, chopped

2 teaspoons dried oregano

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more as needed

Lime wedges, for serving

Cooked rice, for serving

1 Massage 1¼ teaspoons of salt all over the chicken legs.

2 To make the mole, warm a small skillet over medium-high heat. Add the coriander seeds, black peppercorns, and cloves and toast the spices until they are fragrant and start to smoke, 2 to 3 minutes. Transfer the spices to a blender and add ½ cup water, the chipotle chilies, tomatoes, onion, peanuts, raisins, chocolate, garlic, oregano, cinnamon, and remaining ¾ teaspoon salt and blend until smooth.

3 Center a rack in the oven and preheat to 325°F.

4 In a Dutch oven over high heat, warm the olive oil. Add the chicken legs in batches and sear until golden brown and crisp on all sides, about 8 minutes, adding more oil to the pan if needed. Pour the mole over the waiting legs, making sure it coats the meat evenly, cover the pan, and bring to a simmer over high heat. Transfer to the oven and bake until the meat is very tender, about 1 hour, turning the legs after 30 minutes.

5 If the sauce isn’t as thick and glossy as you want it, transfer the chicken legs to a serving platter and cover with foil to keep warm. Put the pot back on the stove and bring the liquid to a simmer. Let the sauce reduce and thicken until it’s exactly how you like it. Skim off any fat before serving. Garnish with chopped peanuts if they turn you on, and lime wedges. Enjoy this on a soft bed of fluffy rice.

“You really can’t keep buying me things.” I’m looking furiously at yet another spice he’s purchased.

“I like you in fine things,” he replies. “I have the means. Besides, there’s a recipe—”

“To hell with the recipes!” I interrupt, fuming. I can’t keep up with him. Every night it’s some hot new preparation. And this one looks downright fiery.

“But the harissa will be good on you. It will test your limits. And mine.” He smiles that searing smile, and my bones loosen. Involuntarily I relent.

He goes to the stereo to put on some loud pop music. He coats a brush with the hot paste. He lashes the harissa into my skin with the brush. Ow —it smarts. But quickly my skin is singing at its touch. He strokes my neck and shoulders, painting a trail of fire leading all the way down there. Hot damn.

He slips two fingers inside me, making me gasp. The touch of his spiced fingertips ignites hot sparks under my skin that fire into my bloodstream and pulse around my body, heating everything in their path. I groan… Oh my—a conflagration radiates throughout my cavity… everywhere. Fuck.

I’m building unstoppably. He continues to paint my skin with fire, in slow, even strokes at first… but as his control unravels, the brush moves faster and faster. My back arches as I open myself to the consuming, punishing, heavenly sensation… pushing me, pushing me… Scoville unit after Scoville unit… spiraling into a peppery paroxysm. When I think I can take no more, he abruptly stills.

His breathing ragged, he turns me gently over onto a soft bed of beans.

“You wear that well,” he says. “Keep it on for the rest of the day. I’ll cook you tonight.”

roasted chicken with harissa, preserved lemons, chickpeas, and mint

SERVES 4

1½ cups cooked chickpeas, rinsed if from a can (use one 15-ounce can)

1 large red onion, peeled and cut into ½-inch chunks

2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced

5 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil

2 teaspoons harissa or other hot sauce

2 tablespoons seeded and chopped preserved lemon

2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 teaspoon dried thyme

½ teaspoon ground allspice

1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels

Mint leaves, for serving

1 In a medium bowl, stir the chickpeas, onion, and garlic with 3 tablespoons of the olive oil and 1 teaspoon of the harissa; scatter on the bottom of a roasting pan.

2 In a small bowl, mix together the preserved lemon, salt, pepper, thyme, and allspice. Massage it all over the chicken flesh, especially inside of the cavity. In a small bowl, whisk the remaining harissa with a teaspoon oil. Use a brush to coat the skin with the harissa mixture.

3 Lay the chicken on top of the beans, breast side down. Cover the chicken with foil or plastic wrap and let sit in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes and up to 1 day.

4 Let the chicken warm up at room temperature while the oven preheats to 375°F.

5 Roast the chicken for 20 minutes, then thrust a wooden spoon into the cavity of the bird and flip so the breast side is up. Continue to cook until the chicken is golden brown and cooked through, about 25 to 30 minutes longer. Serve with mint leaves.