Dorsai - Jan

"Yes."

"And knowing how much making love – or being willing to – would help us understand, and how much it would change us and make us better, you*still* didn't do anything to move us along before we were ready; you were willing to wait for as long as it took for US to make the decision."

"Yes."

"And knowing that if any of us misunderstood, or got upset or angry with you, we could complain about how you tried to touch us and you would maybe wind up in jail, STILL took the chance – because you loved us, and cared about us."

"Yes."

She looked at me in wonderment for several seconds before finally saying "I owe you so much. And I know that there's no way to even begin to pay it back to you – the risks you took, the love and caring you showed and gave, the knowing you must have had inside. I understand, now, why you told every one of them that the debt is to the ones that don't know -and WHY we owe them and not you. And now, even more than before, I want you – all of you, but especially you, Dan, and you, Kelly – physically. I love you, all of you, and want to give back to you the love and happiness you've given me."

When Kelly started to speak to her, Susan turned her head to listen as Kelly said "If you know all that – and it's obvious that you do, that you've 'gotten it' – then you know there's no hurry, on ANY of it."

"I know. If it happens today, or tomorrow, or next week, or next year, that's fine – because now I know that it WILL happen, and that I will enjoy it, and be able to give joy back. But for now, I think I'd better get home – I'm sure my parents are starting to get concerned about me, and I love them, too, and don't want them to worry."

Kelly told her "I've got some things you can wear, if you don't want to wear your dress home this morning", and turning to the others, said "I've got enough to get all of you home, if you want – just don't forget to bring them with you to school Monday, okay?" They all smiled and agreed before accepting her offer. They got up and headed back toward the bedroom, leaving Susan with me to make our goodbyes.

She looked at me again, and said "You are really something; the more I learn about you and how you think and behave, the more I want to be like you – and now I know that I can be. Thank you." before giving me a kiss – the kind that I treasured more than any other: one that expressed the kind of love that only a fully aware person can manage, because it comes from the heart and mind and spirit. After we separated, I told her "I love you, Susan.", and she answered "I know, Dan. Just like you knew I would." before getting up to get dressed herself.

When they got back, Candice called her parents, and they agreed to come and get her – and give Sandra and Robyn rides home, as well. Kelly was to take Jan home, and that left me take Susan. Pure coincidence, I'm sure.

As I drove, she sat quietly in the passenger seat, watching things as though seeing them for the first time – and enjoying her new vision.

When I pulled up in front of her house, she turned to look at me, and said "Thank you, Dan – for everything."

I answered "My pleasure", and she responded "Yes, i think it was." before collecting her things and getting out. I sat there watching her as she headed toward the front door; when she got there, she turned and gave me a bit smile and small wave before going in. Satisfied she was safe, I headed home – via Paul's store, where I dropped off the jewelry I'd borrowed, keeping my promise.

A few hours later, Kelly and I were in the den – she was studying for a test while I listened to music – when a call came in. I took it, and heard "You did it to her, didn't you?"

"Did what to who?"

"Had sex with Susan."

"Good morning to you, too, Steve. No, I didn't have sex with her."

"Then what did you do to her?"

"Talked."

"Uh-huh. About what?"

"The fact that I love her. And before you go off on me again, I mean that I love her as a human being, not a potential bedmate or anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that she's a reasonably intelligent, attractive, decent human being. There aren't that many, so I tend to like the ones I find. She's got a good heart and good character. I love her for those things – not what's between her legs or on her chest."

I'd nailed him square between the running lights, and I could almost hear him thinking it through before he spoke again, saying "You're saying you didn't do anything to her? Just talked?"

"That's it."

"You didn't touch her?"

"I didn't say that, Steve. I said that I didn't have sex with her. Or make love with her, or have any kind of intimate sexual contact of any kind. Okay? Now, you want to tell me what the hell brought all this on?"

"She told me she loved me."

"You call me up at home and jump in my shit because she told you she*loved* you?"

"It's not what she said, but how she said it that got to me."

"What, she sounded like C-3PO, or something?"

"No, you dolt. I was sitting in the den watching a game and she came in to sit next to me for a little bit. When a commercial came on, she just said 'Daddy?', and when I turned to look at her, she just up and says 'I love you." – but from the way she said it, and tone of her voice and everything, I knew that she was different, somehow – that she really, truly meant it and was telling me what was really in her heart, like she didn't care if I was a lawyer or an axe murderer, I was her dad and she loved me."

"So you assumed that the change was because I'd jumped her bones, and called me up to chew my ass."

He realized how silly it sounded, and what kind of fool he'd been, and answered "Well, uh, yeah, sort of. I mean, I couldn't think of any other reason for it at the time. What do YOU think happened?"

"Like I said, all I did was tell her I loved her – and she understood that I meant that I loved her FOR HER, as a person. for all the good things that are inside her, and that I didn't think less of her because of any flaws she thinks she has."

"That kind of sounds like the way she told me she loved ME."

"Ever tell her that you love her?"

"Of course!"

"The same way she just told you?"

The silence at the other end was my answer. I went on "Steve, you ever wonder what she sees in me?"

"Well, yeah, a little. I mean, I know what she's said about you, and I know what your character is like and how you've helped Kelly and all that. But why she picked you in particular, with so much devotion, I really don't understand."

"Because she knows I love her, and care about her. I don't just do stuff because I care, I also tell her what I'm doing, so that she knows I AM doing it because I love her and care, and why. And I take the time to tell her what it is about her that makes me care about her the way I do – I tell her about the good things I see in her, so that she KNOWS she's a good person. When she knows that I love her for the good stuff in her, she also knows that as long as that good stuff is there, she's got my love – that I'm not going to just suddenly take it away from her for some mysterious reason. And she knows that because I love her for what's inside her, that as she becomes a better person – more courageous, more honest, more integrity, and all that kind of stuff – I'll love her even more. I've shown her that love doesn't have to be some abstract concept; that it can be gauged and measured and traded as a value. When she finally understood all of that this morning, she had an epiphany, I guess you could call it. What you saw was the end result of all that."

"Where was she when this 'epiphany' happened?"

"Sitting on my lap."

"What?! You weren't in your underwear or anything, were you?"

"Oh, no, certainly nothing like that. We were both naked at the time."