Dorsai - Jan

Jan took Susan's hand, but before she could say anything, I spoke up.

"Susan, it's okay. You didn't really upset us – we were just worried for you, because we care about you. Don't worry about it. Mistooks happen."

– she smiled at the joke -"Nobody's dead, and nobody's bleeding, so it couldn't have been that big of a mistake, right?"

She smiled, and nodded.

"The bad thing was that you were upset. The good thing is that you had a nice cry. All things considered, I'd say that it evened out pretty good."

Here, Jan joined in, telling her "Susan, we're your friends. All of us, but especially Dan. If there's something bothering you, or something on your mind, talk to us – we're always here to listen, and help, okay?"

Susan sniffled a bit, and nodded.

I slowly reached out, and put my hand under her chin, lifting it so I could look into her eyes. When she finally made eye contact with me, I told her "What Jan just said is exactly right, Susan. You can come to any one of us, at any time, and we'll be there for you, no matter what.

Promise me you will?"

She saw the honesty and sincerity in my eyes, and I could see the reassurance and confidence as they took over her, and she smiled at me before saying "I promise."

I smiled back at her, and asked "Feel better now?"

"Yeah – but I'm pretty tired, too."

"If you want to, go ahead and lay down here, and go to sleep if you want. Nobody will bother you – except maybe to snuggle up with you.", Jan told her.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep! I'm just a wreck right now!"

I grinned and said"I'll bet I could help you get to sleep!"

"How?"

"I'd give you a nice massage – put you out like a light!"

"Ooooh, you are SO lucky! Do you know how much I have to beg him to give me a massage? And he just ups and offers to give you one. He makes me beg and grovel – for HOURS.", Jan exclaimed, exaggerating a bit (okay, a lot. I like giving them massages).

"I… I'm not sure it would work.", Susan said.

"Wanna bet?", I asked, teasing her.

"Bet what?"

"I'll bet that if I give you a massage, you'll fall asleep. If I win, you give me a kiss tomorrow morning."

"And if you lose, what?", Susan asked, getting into the spirit.

"What do you want?"

"Uh… How about breakfast in bed, whatever I want?"

"Deal. I win, I get a kiss. You win, any breakfast you want, in bed.

Right?"

"That's the deal."

"You've got a bet. Better start getting your lips warmed up!", I teased.

Susan realized just how confident I was, and it seemed to shake her for a moment. It didn't help her any when she looked at Jan, who just grinned and told her "You are going to lose so bad!"

When I started flexing my hands, to loosen them up, Jan said "I'll get some lotion – be right back." – and left.

I stood up, and told Susan "Go ahead an lay down on the bed, on your stomach. Leave your legs apart a little bit, and just let your arms lay at your sides. You can leave your eyes open, or close them, whichever you want."

She did, and looked at me, a bit apprehensively.

"Have you ever had a massage before?", I asked.

"Uh, no, not really. I mean, I've had people rub my shoulders, but not a real massage."

"Okay, then let me tell you what's going to happen. What I'm going to do is going to be like having someone rub your shoulders – only all over.

I'll be touching your arms and legs and body and so on – but I will not be touching you intimately. If you don't mind, I'll touch your breasts, too – but not sexually. If you would rather I didn't, I can do that too; it's not a problem."

"No, it's okay; I trust you, really.", she told me, as Jan came back in with the lotion, and closing the door.

"Thank you – for your trust. What I'm doing will feel good. It might even feel, uh, sexy to you; but that's NOT what I'm trying to make you feel. All I'm trying to do is help you relax by rubbing some of the stress and tension out of your muscles, okay?"

Susan nodded, and looked at Jan, who told her "It's okay. He gives me and Kelly massages, too, and he never makes them about sex. They feel so good that WE usually make them about sex, afterwards, but that's not why or how HE does them. If you're nervous or anything, I can stay here and keep you company if you want."

Susan told her "No, that's okay; I know he's not going to do anything with me. And having anybody else around for this would only make me more nervous. But thanks for offering, though – I really appreciate it."

Jan smiled again, and said"Okay, that's cool." before handing me the lotion, and leaving us.

"Okay, then. Are you ready to start?", I asked her.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so." Her tone of voice, and body language, told me she wasn't, really; but I figured that was what I was there to take care of.

"Mabel!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Lights to ten percent, please."

The lights dimmed, so that Susan and I could still see each other, but the room wasn't too bright.

"Sound effects, please. Ocean, volume zero point five."

A second later, the room was filled with the faint sounds of gentle seas falling on a beach.

"Volume down, point one, please."

The sound faded slightly, so that it was still audible, but more in the background.

"That's fine. Thank you."

"Thank you, sir."

I told Susan "The lights are down so you can fall asleep if you want, but I can still see well enough to give you the massage. The ocean noise is something that I included when I designed the system; sometimes I have trouble getting to sleep at night, and the sound of the ocean, or rain, or some other kind of background noise like that – it's called 'white noise', by the way – helps me relax."

She nodded her understanding, and then said"I really do trust you, you know."

"I know. And that's why I thanked you for your trust."

A moment later, she asked "I'm going to fall asleep, aren't I? Whether I really want to or not?"

"Probably. I mean, if you really didn't want to, you wouldn't, but otherwise, there's a pretty good chance."

"I think this is one bet I'm not going to mind losing.", she told me with a smile.

Moving over to stand near her head, I opened the lotion, and put a little on my hands so it warmed up a bit. As I was doing so, she looked up a me and asked "Jan said you give her and Kelly massages, too. Why?"

"Because sometimes they get tense, too, like about school and such. I love them, so I want to help them feel less tense, and I give them a massage. Besides, I like to touch them!", I added, with a grin.

"What do you mean, touch them? Jan said you didn't make your massages about sex."

"I don't. I said exactly what I meant: I like to touch them. The two of them don't feel anything alike, to me. As I give them a massage, it gives me the chance to feel them – how their skin is different on different parts of their bodies, and how their different muscles feel.

To me, a massage isn't a sexual event, it's a*sen*sual event. And it's as nice for me being able to massage them and give them that kind of pleasure, as it is for them to BE massaged."

"What's the difference between sexual, and, uh, sensual?"

"What's your favorite food?"

"Huh? Uh, cheeseburgers, I guess. Why?"

"Do you remember the best cheeseburger you ever had?"

"Sure!"

"Did it do anything to make you feel sexually excited?"

"No, of course not."

"That's the difference. What you remember about that cheeseburger is the sensuality of it: the taste of it, how firm and juicy it was, how the bun tasted, maybe how the bun kind of crunched where it was toasted, all of that. You probably have clothes that you like to wear because you like the way they feel on your skin. That's sensuality, too.