Dorsai - Jan

– and with that, got up and flung herself at me in the chair, hugging me ferociously and crying in big, wracking sobs into my chest.

I put my arms around her, and held her, patting her softly on the back as I whispered words of encouragement and consolation to her; after a bit, Jan and Kelly got up, too, and sat on the arms of the chair, leaning down to offer their own support to her.

When I glanced over at the three on the couch, I could see surprise on all of their faces; Susan and Candice both looked vaguely confused, but Robyn had a thoughtful look, as though she was thinking through what Sandra had just said.

Eventually, the three of us managed to get Sandra settled down. Before she left my lap, though, she sat up to look at me, and calmly said "I owe you more than I can ever repay, for all that you've taught me. I truly understand, now, what you've given me."

With a steady look, I told her "Sandra, the debt is not to me – it's to the rest, that don't know, but want to. Whatever you've gotten from me, offer it to them."

She nodded, soberly, and after an exchange of knowing looks with Jan and Kelly, went back to where she'd been on the floor. Jan moved to be with her, while Kelly took up station on my lap, her legs tucked next to her, and leaning against my chest.

Sandra turned to Robyn, Susan, and Candice, telling them "I'm sorry about making a fuss. It was just that, all of a sudden, everything Dan has said and done made sense – it was like it all came together, in one perfect moment, and I really, truly understood him, and what he does, and why. Now I know that I do love him, fully and completely, without hesitation or reservation. If I never see him again, if he and I never make love again, I will still be this happy, because of what I've gotten from him."

Robyn asked "What is it? What have you gotten?"

Sandra looked at her, and said "You know. All of you do – just as I did.

You've heard everything about it that matters, and you know all of it that you need to. It just has to come together for you – at your own speed, in your own time, like it did for me – and Kelly and Jan, too, I bet. Trying to push it doesn't help; being able to accept it, does."

While the other two looked perplexed, Robyn again got a thoughtful look on her face.

Susan spoke next, looking first at Kelly, then Jan, asking "Uh, did you two go through something like that?"

They looked at each other, and Jan spoke first, saying "Kind of. We've been around him longer, and have had more time with him, so it wasn't as sudden and everything like it was for Sandra – but, yeah, we went through something like that, just not as bad."

Kelly spoke up, then, telling her "Jan had more time with him before I did, but my time was a little more, uh, intense, so it kind of balanced out. When it really hits you, if it does, then you can expect something like that to happen. Maybe not as bad, but you'll know it when it finally happens. And Sandra is right, once it does, you'll never be the same again."

That gave Susan and Candice pause; Robyn was still deep in thought, and seemed to have barely noticed what was said.

After a bit, Candice asked "Can you tell us what the difference is? How it happens?"

Kelly spoke first, answering her with "How it happens is that everything you've heard from all of us comes together at some point, and you really, truly understand it – all of it. It will probably be something simple that you hear that gets you thinking about it the right way, and then boom, you've got it. What the difference is, is that you do understand it – completely. You understand how everything fits together, and how it all works."

Sandra joined in, telling her "I told you, you already have everything you need to know, or that matters. It's not something that I think any of us really CAN explain, or describe."

Jan finished up by telling them "What they said. I'll only add that maybe it'll happen to you a little at a time, like it did with me; or it might happen in a few big chunks, like it did with Kelly; you might even have a Big One, like Sandra. There's no telling, that I can see, other than the more time you have, the easier it is. Really, it's all up to you. Trying to force it doesn't help, like Sandra said – you just have to let it come to you, in your own time and place."

At that, Robyn came out of her reverie, and looking at me, said "Dan, I've given it a lot of thought, since I was here last, and I want to make love with you. Not because of anything Jan or Kelly or Sandra have done or said, but because I know it's right for ME, now. Would you?"

I'd half-expected it, and after looking at her, and seeing the confidence and sincerity in her eyes, told her "If you're that sure, then, yes, I'll make love with you."

Kelly looked down at me, and smiled, before getting up to go stand next to the couch, ready to sit with the others, while Robyn stood up.

I got up, too, and walked over to her. Taking her hand, I lifted it to my lips and kissed it, saying "I'm honored by your decision and choice.

For as long as you want me, I'm yours."

She smiled at me, and answered, "The honor is mine, judging from the stories about you. I know that I can trust you. Uh, I think I would prefer our time to be ours, alone."

"Easily done.", I told her, then holding her hand as the two of us headed toward the bedroom. The others sat quietly, and watched us go -

Jan, Kelly, and Sandra with amused smiles, Susan and Candice with a trace of regret.

After we entered the bedroom, I paused long enough to close the door, then walked with her to the bed. Turning so that we faced each other, I told her "Robyn, I've heard about how you have been standing up for Kelly and Jan at school, and other places. I'm glad that you've discovered what's really important to you, and found the inner strength to stand up for it."

She smiled at me, and answered "My only regret is that I had to find them the way I did – and my greatest pleasure is that all of you cared enough about me to give me a second chance."

I nodded toward the bed, and asked her "Where, or how, would you like to start?"

"I don't know. Jan and I have made each other happy, but I'm not sure where to begin, with you. Would it be too much to ask for you to go first, and get me started? So that I can join in when I feel comfortable with it?"

"Of course. This is your time for us to be together. If you want, I can make love to you without ever entering your body in any way; or I can share myself with all of you. The choices are yours, whenever you want to make them. I won't rush you, or hurry you, in any way; nor will I do*anything* to hurt you, or cause you any kind of pain."

She looked into my eyes with absolute trust and confidence in me, saying "I know that, Dan. I do trust you, and know that you will make it right for me. It's not the doing that frightens me, but the getting started."

"Then let's take the first step, and see where it leads us."

With that, I kissed her, softly, on the lips – and from there, her eyes and forehead and shoulders. She eagerly accepted my kisses, quivering slightly with each one. I took her hands, and slowly guided her to the bed; sitting first, and then moving to the center of the bed, I drew her down in front of me, facing me. When she was seated, I slowly took her into my arms, hugging her gently, and kissing the top of her head in reassurance.

I relaxed my hold, and she moved back a bit, so that she could look into my face. With only the slightest pause, she put her arms around me, and drew me close as she put her lips to mine.

Our kiss started soft and chaste, but as the seconds went by, her desire took over, and it wasn't long before her lips parted. Hesitantly at first, then more and more insistently, her tongue touched my lips, then my teeth, and on to explore my entire mouth. I always let her make the first move – but when she made it, didn't delay to following her example. So it was that it didn't take five minutes from the time I first took her in my arms on the bed, than we were kissing passionately as she pressed herself against me, hugging me tightly.