Dorsai - Taxi

Once they were inside my apartment, I could tell that it wasn't anything like what they'd expected when they saw that it was neat and clean, somewhat sparsely appointed with good quality furniture, and nicely decorated. Both were visibly surprised to see the bookshelves in my living room – all of the longest wall was floor-to-ceiling, and full. Demosthenes turned up to greet them, and as Carol was holding him and rubbing his ear, I got Ellen a bit off to the side to tell her "I can appreciate that you might have some… concerns about being here with me. So I'll tell you again that I'm only seeing this as more of a get-acquainted session than we've had before." After handing her an unopened telephone bill I'd received in the mail that day, I told her "I'm not going to be offended in the slightest if it would make you feel better to call your mother at the hotel and tell her exactly where you are. If you'll excuse me for a few moments, I'll finish getting supper going. We can talk a little while before it'll be ready."

With that, I left her with Carol so that she could make her call if she wanted, and do so with some privacy. When I got back a minute or two later with iced tea for all of us, both of them were looking over my books; I saw that Ellen had set the envelope on my desk, next to the phone. When I got close to them, it was Carol that asked me "You really bought all these books?"

I assured her that I had, and Ellen said "Some of these I've only heard about, and a few of them I didn't have reason to read until I went to college. And you've actually read all of these? And thought enough of them to want to keep them?"

Both listened as I explained "Yes, I've read all of them – and these are just the ones that I wanted to keep the most. I think now you understand just what I meant and how serious I was when I told you that I really am interested in philosophy, and how to put it into practice."

"I guess!" Carol exclaimed before her mother asked "But how do these novels fit into that?"

I smiled as I asked "Do you really think that in the many thousands of years of human existence, people haven't had to go through different variations of the same basic problems, or had different versions of the same fundamental experiences? And done so over and over and over again? How many books and movies have been created that were just different approaches to the story of Romeo and Juliet, for example? Shakespeare did a particularly fine job of telling it, but it was still an old tale, even for him. And even a novel has some basis in philosophy."

Both of them looked at me in confusion before I explained "Whoever writes a novel has to come up with the basic story. By telling their story, they're implicitly stating premises: that the characters have certain traits and will behave in certain ways, that the interactions between the various characters will be based on certain assumptions, and so on. Using Romeo and Juliet as an example again, think about what the basic story is, and what would have happened if various things had been different. When someone else tells it in a different way, they have to make changes if they want it to have a different ending – which, to a philosopher, is simply changing one or more premises to reach a different conclusion."

Ellen asked me "Do you read fiction like that to get the philosophy behind it?"

I laughed, and answered "No. I enjoy a well-told story as much as anyone else, and for the same reasons – but I can't help examining it that way afterward: I like to learn and understand too much."

It was Ellen that got us focused on the main reason for their visit when she said "As impressive as your library is, and as much as I like hearing what you have to say, there are still some things that we need to discuss."

"Of course", I answered. After showing them to my couch, I sat in a chair facing them before saying "I wanted us to work out the details of what you want someplace away from your hotel for the simple reason that because they know me as a cab driver, the hotel wouldn't be particularly happy about me visiting with any of the guests in their rooms; they wouldn't consider it 'appropriate'. I invited you here for a couple of reasons: first, I thought it would help if we could get to know each other a little better as people in a more casual and private environment. Second, I think that we'd all be a little more comfortable about all this if it happened here. Your hotel would be out for the same reasons that me just visiting to talk would be. Another hotel would feel even stranger and more uncomfortable for all of us, and would add an expense that I don't think any of us would particularly welcome even if we shared it. If you don't think you'd be comfortable with being here, or have another suggestion, then I'm certainly willing to listen and consider it. The other part of this is that while I pretty much set my own hours and days to work, I do so with the idea of supporting myself as best I can. Ellen, you said that it wouldn't be a problem for all of you to stay another few days; with that in mind, I'd like to ask if you and Carol would be agreeable to waiting until Sunday."

Ellen and Carol looked at each other without saying anything for several seconds before turning back to me and Ellen answering "No, that wouldn't be a problem, at all. And I think that offering your own home to us is most kind and generous of you. I know that it would certainly help ME deal with all of this, for the very reasons you said."

Next, I addressed myself directly to Carol, saying "I think you know that you didn't have to be here tonight – I explicitly asked for you for the simple reason that this whole thing is about you, and it seemed right that you should be here."

It took a few seconds before Carol was able to tell me "Unless you had specifically told me not to come, I wanted to be here, anyway. What Mom said about you letting us be here… that's what I think about it, too – and I want you to know that I do appreciate it."

After taking a deep (and shaky) breath, she went on to say "I know that I'm asking for a lot from you, and even Mom. As weird as all this feels to me, I have to believe that it's even worse for Mom, and particularly you since you didn't even know me until just a few days ago. I feel nervous and scared and relieved and all kinds of things; even… even a little bit, uh, excited", she admitted, with a brief glance at Ellen. I thought I could see a bit of surprise on Ellen's face, but kept my attention on Carol as she continued "I wish those idiots at school could have just left me alone, but they didn't – they made going to school every day a living hell for me. I've even found, um, artificial penises in my locker; not just the one for my books, but in gym class, too. So what you're doing – trying to help me feel better so I'm not so scared and nervous and everything… it really means a lot to me. When you told us about why you left school and why you chose to be a cab driver, I figured that you were honest and sincere. And I knew that if you were as careful and principled about that as you were, then I could trust you to be the same way about me. Obviously I can't know how much trouble I'm going to have, or whether or not it'll hurt, or anything else. But I do know that I can trust you to make it as easy and everything as you can for me. If the circumstances were different, you're still the kind of person that I would want to be with for my first time with a guy. That you care enough about me to be willing to do this, even though you hardly know me… it makes you somebody even more special to me, and even makes me love you for how kind and patient you're being with me."

Seeing that I was surprised by what she'd just said, Carol told me "I'm not saying that I want to stay here with you, or that I want us to keep being together; just that because of how you're treating me, you're making this special for me in a way that it wouldn't be otherwise, and that you'll always be in my heart because of it, is all."