Anonymous - The Boudoir No.1

Nothing could possible excite more wonder than this accident — Hocus, however, observed that it might be altogether a deception — Pocus was therefore for feeling the reality — and Focus declared that there was nothing like ocular demonstration, especially since the adoption of pads, or comme il fauts. The examination was, therefore, immediately translated from the masculine to the feminine gender, and the plaintiff became defendant in error; but nothing could induce the three examiners from being fully satisfied. She was extended upon the same table, where but a few minutes before lay her husband, and, having gone through a thorough investigation, her case was pronounced to be an "ipso facto issue," proving to the utmost satisfaction of justice, penetration, and all those subsequent effects which the modesty of the laws upon trials for rapes and impotencies so necessarily demands.

A gentlemen was in the habit, whenever attending a public dinner, of always, when called upon for a toast, giving, "The Church." His wife, who was rather deaf, got tired of this continual repetition, and told him that the next time he gave it she would expose him. The husband taking the hint upon the next occasion gave, "The Ladies." The wife, mistaking this for the old toast, astonished the company by rising and saying- "I told my husband that if he again gave this toast I would expose him — I assure you he has not been in one for a very long time, and the last time he was he came out before it was half over."

'Jacob kissed Rachel/' — Gen. c. 29, v. 11.

To prove that he did not incur the least guilt by this delightful act, we have the combined testimonies of the scriptures; and the unanimous opinions of the most learned interpreters of the passage which we have selected for the subject of the following discourse.

Multitudes of men since the days of this illustrious patriarch have done the same, and been, like him, as absolutely free from sinning. The voice of all ages has not merely confirmed the rectitude of the practice, but emphatically recommended the initiation of it to posterity.

Much does it redound to the humour of the present century, and to the natives of the British empire in particular, that in this agreeable pursuit, instead of ever deviating from the paths of their "pious" ancestors, they have improved to such a degree upon the example, that future times however well disposed to bear obediently in their remembrance so captivating a lesson, will find it difficult to surpass them in their adherence to this engaging virtue.

May we constantly persevere in fervent efforts to deserve this character. Indefatigably performing so essential and so exquisite a branch of our Christian duty, may we proceed from strength to strength, rejoicing until we obtain the completion of our utmost wishes.

In the discussion of this important point, I propose, first, to consider the meaning of the words "Jacob kissed Rachel."

Secondly, to enforce the fullest submission to the charming precept which they convey.

First, as to the meaning of the words, "Jacob kissed Rachel/'

The verb to kiss, the substantive a kiss, and participle kissing, and that strange and equivocally sounding phrase kissed, will all admit of a double interpretation. They may signify either a simple salute, or a ceremony more complicated in its nature; but the kissing described in the text under the former description; it was a mere contact of the lips, accompanied by, perhaps a partial, perhaps a mutual smacking.

This will appear from an examination of the context. We learn that Jacob departed from the house of his father upon a journey to the land of the people of the East, for the purpose of receiving a beautiful and meritorious wife into his bosom.

This expedition was difficult, interesting, and momentous.

On the result of it depended his bliss or misery. The partner of his nuptial bed might either cover it with piercing thorns, or, with a kind and constant hand, strew it over with unfading wreaths of roses.

After a tedious pilgrimage, if the expression be allowable, he arrived at Padanaram, in Syria, a country which seemed, for various reasons, the peculiar favourite of heaven.

In one of the green valleys of this fertile region he met the young, the elegant, and lovely Rachel. Instigated by the propensity of his nature, and the power of her personal attractions, he flew to her embraces, and, in the energetic language of the text, "he kissed her/'

What man, not cursed by a detestable abhorrence of the sex, could refrain from taking, or at least wishing to take, the same liberty? Fair and inviting was the opportunity; and it is difficult to decide whether the cold temperament of him who could resist it ought to exercise pity, or incur contempt.

It is not proved that Rachel either resisted or even objected against this freedom from a stranger; we may, therefore, venture to determine that the salutation had quite the opposite effect upon the solid principle regarding which the learned, so prone to controversy, and so notorious for a discordancy of sentiments, have seldom differed, that women, and especially virgins, such as at this period we must consider Rachel, did never from the creation of the world to the present hour conceive a mortal antipathy to a kiss from an admirer glowing with all the manly allurements of youth, comeliness, and vigour.

But no readiness to take offence, no spark of momentary resentment, no flashes of transient anger were raised within her breast by the tender familiarity of Jacob. She received it as the welcome presage of a fonder intimacy, which terminated in a prosperous marriage.

Thus, as in the days of yore, kissing is generally the forerunner of closer connections, which, sometimes, have led to sweet and uncorrupted matrimony; but which has often with a faithless step been known to start aside from the fascinating object to which the male lover declared that it was ultimately tending.

Thrice fortunate are they who, unalterably attentive to the hallowed mandate which proceeds from heaven, from nature, and speaks with soft, yet almost soft insurmountable persuasion, to every son and daughter of the universe, can truly exclaim, "We have not laboured in vain; nor suffered the flower of our age to drop withering from the stalk. We have not expended our force to unavailing purposes; we possess the commendation of our.own consciences, and the esteem of our friends; in addition to all which enviable felicities, our children shall rise up and call us blessed!"

Having thus briefly considered the import of the expression, "Jacob kissed Rachel," I shall, secondly, endeavour to fix upon your minds the actual expediency of implicitly submitting to the cordial precept which it inculcates.

Whatever nature inclines us to do, the same not being prohibited by any positive law, either divine or human, it certainly behooves us to execute.

On this occasion, my brethren, and you, my fair auditors, the injunction presents itself with an aspect so winning and so enlightened that you cannot hesitate to regard it as at once rational and ecstatic. Yield, therefore, to its benignant influence — raptures which no language can describe spring up before it; raptures at which the noblest union of the senses may not only assist with innocence, but plenteously partake of the most exquisite of all the triumphs of mutual affection.

Let the inanimate being of the masculine gender, if such unfortunately there are, who compose a part of my congregation, examine their inward feelings and declare whether they would not conceive it difficult totally to resist the temptation of lips like those of Rachel — a fragrance equal to the ambrosial odours of an April morn issuing from their vermilioned surface, to render them not the least captivating of that almost divine assemblage of features in which Jacob doubtless perceived the spotless index of the milder virtues, invariably directed throughout their lucid progress by the best and consequently the most serviceable qualities of a female understanding.