Melinda Duchamp: Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland

“Sit in the witness chair,” the Queen ordered and pointed to a black leather swing that hung from the ceiling on four chains.

But when Alice approached the contraption, she had no idea how to get on it. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty-”

“Your Honor,” corrected the Queen.

“Your Honor,” said Alice. “But I’m afraid I don’t understand how this works.”

“You’ve never been in a sex swing before?”

“No.”

“Baillif! Assist Alice!”

With a boost from Dick that somehow involved him touching her bottom, fondling both breasts, and administering a tender pinch to her feminine lips, Alice found herself suspended in midair. The swath of black leather supported her back and butt, and her feet were in stirrups. The only way to sit comfortably was for Alice to bend her knees and spread her legs wide, for the whole courtroom to see. Alice immediately understood why this was called a sex swing. Any man-or woman-had full access to all of Alice’s private parts, and she could be easily moved, turned, and manipulated as if she weighed nothing at all.

It turned her on something fierce.

“What do you have to say, Alice?” asked the Duchess.

There was only one thing that popped into her mind. “Those stockings and heels make your bottom and legs look spectacular.”

Alice glanced around the room, and everyone from the Queen to Pilar to the jury nodded in agreement.

“Why, thank you, dear,” said the Duchess. “I appreciate the compliment. But I’m sorry, I now have to ask you some tough questions.”

Alice braced herself as much as she could in a swing.

“You were at the beach with Mock Turtle, and he made love to you. Is that correct?”

The Duchess wasn’t kidding. That was a tough question. And Alice wasn’t sure how to answer. “Well… he…”

“Did he make love to you or not?”

“Well, he sort of tried… I guess.”

“I need a more specific answer.”

Mock Turtle gave her a pleading look. The experience with him had been outrageously unsatisfying, but Alice didn’t want the poor man to be sentenced to death for it.

“The witness will answer the question,” ordered the Queen.

“I’m sorry, but that’s the only answer I can give.”

“Then let me be more specific,” said the Duchess. “May I approach the witness?”

“By all means,” said the Queen.

The Duchess looked sympathetic. “Now some of these questions might be tough, Alice, but just do your best to answer. Okay?”

Alice nodded, not sure what would come next.

“When Mock Turtle made love to you, at any time, did he lick your pussy?”

Alice shuddered at the vulgar word. “Um, no.”

“No, what?”

“He didn’t, um, do any licking,” she said.

“He didn’t lick what?” repeated the Duchess.

Now Alice had been in Wonderland long enough to know that the Duchess wanted her to say that word. But even though Alice formed her lips and moved her tongue to pronounce it, she couldn’t get any sound to emerge.

“May I assist the witness, your honor?” The Duchess asked the Queen.

“Please do,” said the Queen, fondling her gavel.

Alice was hoping the Duchess would assist by saying the word for her, but instead she brought her face between Alice’s thighs.

“Did he do this to your pussy?” And she darted her tongue between Alice’s sensitive nether lips and swirled around Alice’s nub in the most electrifying way. It was almost too intense. But the swing prevented Alice from closing her legs, even as the Duchess continued to torment her in short, piercing stabs.

“Oh… oh… unh…”

“Is that a yes or a no?” the Queen asked.

“No,” Alice managed after the Duchess pulled away. “He certainly didn’t do that.”

“How about this?” The Duchess dipped back into Alice’s special entrance and ground her mouth against Alice, devouring the whole of her with slow, fat licks of her tongue. She went up, and down, as if Alice was a wall she was painting, and when Alice tried to buck to make her speed up, the Duchess slowed even more.

Alice couldn’t think, let alone answer. She thrust her hips against the Duchess’s mouth, and the word she was trying to say came out as an unintelligible gasp.

“Answer the question,” the Queen ordered.

“He… he… he didn’t… do… that.”

“How about this?” And the Duchess rose up between Alice’s legs, then claimed Alice’s nipples in her mouth, one at a time, kissing, licking, sucking, then slowly moved up to Alice’s lips, where she kissed her and plunged her tongue deep.

The kiss sent heat spiraling through Alice, and she could taste her own juices on the Duchess’s tongue, and for some reason that thrilled her even more. The Duchess’s nipples brushed her own, and Alice raised up her hips and the friction of the Duchess’s fishnet stockings sent her over the edge, making her climax quite audibly.

When Alice finally stopped screaming, the Duchess turned to the Queen. “She’s taking an awfully long time to answer simple yes and no questions, Your Honor. May I treat the witness as hostile?”

The Queen’s heart-shaped lips curved in a heart-shaped smile. “Please, do.”

“Dick?” said the Duchess, extending her hand.

With a dazed look on his face, Dick handed her his baton. And Alice couldn’t help noticing the device looked an awful lot like Pilar’s dildo. It even had the little bumps and ridges on it.

And that was exactly how the Duchess used it, starting by teasing Alice’s nipples, and then slowly bringing it down between her open legs. The Duchess rubbed it across Alice, over and over, until it was slick with wetness.

“Did Mock Turtle do this to you?” She penetrated Alice, filling her.

Alice groaned, her eyes closing in rapture.

“What was that?” the Queen asked. “Read that back to me.”

Cheshire imitated Alice’s gasp without missing a stroke.

The Queen frowned. “Is that a yes or a no?”

“Noooo,” croaked Alice, barely able to breathe.

“Did he try this?” Pumping it in and out, slowly and deliciously, The Duchess coated the stick with Alice’s juices as Alice tried in vain to stop her hips from bucking.

“Oh… oh… oh… oh… no…”

“How about this?”

And with the baton still deeply inside Alice, The Duchess gave the swing a spin. Alice began to twirl while impaled upon the stick, screaming all the while. The feeling was so amazing, so intense, that coupled with the dizziness of the rotation, Alice came very close to blacking out. When the swing finally came to a stop, Alice saw that the Hatter and the Hare, the Maus and Cheshire, Pilar and the Queen and Dick were all stroking themselves and staring at her. And all Alice could think of was how good she felt and how much she wanted it to go on forever.

Then the Duchess pulled the baton out of Alice, and Alice almost cried. “Please… don’t stop…”

“I’m finished with this witness,” said the Duchess, and she walked briskly to the back of the room.

The Queen turned to Pilar. “Your witness, Mr. Caterpillar.”

“My witness?” Pilar stood and smiled. “I’ll take her back to my Pink Room of Bunnies and pry the truth out of her. I don’t care how long it takes. Hours. Days. I’ll make her come so many times she’ll beg for me to stop. But I won’t stop. Not until I break her.”

“Oh, please do,” Alice said, whimpering.

“I’m afraid you can’t,” answered the Queen. “This story is already longer than the original it is parodying, and you need to get on with it. What say you?”

“I say, put Mock Turtle in the pillory and flog him for his heinous crimes.”

“You’re his defense attorney,” the Queen reminded Pilar. “How do you defend your client?”