Jacky S - Suburban Souls, Book I

JACKY TO CLARA.

NOTES ON LILIAN.

While I was at Lamalou, I tried to disgust Lilian, as I was afraid she was getting too fond of me, but the worse I made myself out, the more she seemed to love me.

I told her I would discuss the marriage question when I met her, but not by letter, as things that sometimes look harsh in writing, pass easily in conversation.

I spoke against myself, about my age, my rheumatism, and my big belly. She was pained thereat.

I wrote to her that I should like to have her naked under the table, as a footstool, while I sat and wrote. Also, that I should seat her on the bidet, and straddling across it, void my urine on her belly and “pussy.” She likes these ideas.

She shall have a good talking to, when I see her. I will not scold by letter. I have no reproaches to make myself, as I never told her a lie or tried to mislead her. Is she madly in love with me, or is she scheming?

I would dearly like to take her maidenhead. But no, I must not ruin the poor lustful lassie. I will try to keep out of my Lilian's body. I will not harm her.

I try to make Lilian understand that the passions and the heart are two different things. She may be unfaithful perchance, but if she keeps a corner in her heart for me, I shall be satisfied.

She is not shocked when I try to bring her mind to grasp that she is absolutely my own slave, that she must obey my most voluptuous caprices, however vile they may be.

She writes so ardently about marrying me, etc., that I thought I would try to prevent her loving me too much, by telling her what a filthy brute I was, and laying stress on the fact that other men loved more decently than I did.

I stood confessed on my own showing as a despotic, tyrannical beast, gloating over her degradation and humiliation.

The more cynically and brutally I wrote, the better she liked it.

She is evidently fond of me and I must let things go on.

Does she think I am very rich?

She is very impatient, very excitable, and has got a hot temper. She has addressed reproaches to me, but I sincerely think she is slightly in the wrong. I have never lost my temper yet with her, but I treat her like a child, and she comes round again.

There was a slight misunderstanding about our correspondence and she wrote a nasty letter, giving me back my liberty, and saying she would never return to the rue de Leipzig, as it was not good enough for her. I took no notice, but wrote quietly and reproachfully, and at last punished her for having written such a letter, by ordering her not to pee from seven o'clock at night until seven the next morning. She wrote saying she had obeyed me, and had passed a bad night.

I told her to come to the rue de Leipzig on August 1st, as she was alone with her grandmother. I waited until 3:30. She never appeared. I went away, and did not return home until 6:50.

She turned up at 3:40, it appears, and sent me two telegrams. She was waiting at the Eastern railway station to see me.

I had dinner at seven instead. She wrote a rather furious letter, saying her Mamma would be back on Thursday.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

First telegram, received about 4:30 p.m. August 1, 1898.

Will be Eastern railway station.

LILIAN.

Second telegram, received about 6:30 p.m.

Am waiting Eastern railway station.

LILIAN.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Villa Lilian. 11 p.m. August 2, 1898.

What you could have done from 3 o'clock until 6:30, I really can't tell, and I will not even seek to know. That will always be a mystery for me, since you could only wait a little more than an hour, and yet you know I cannot always do what I wish.

In spite of my being alone at home, I still have to content my customers, and I am therefore late.

You lost something by not waiting a little longer, I assure you, for I was just ripe for a refined gourmet such as you are.

No matter, don't let us say any more about it, only Mamma will be back on Thursday and therefore-

By losing patience sometimes, we lose many good things.

Lilian is as vexed as she can be with her Papa and will not pardon him in a hurry.

I answered calmly and curtly, and gave her a rendezvous for Wednesday, August 3.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Telegram, received August 3, 1898.

Four o'clock. Usual place.

LILIAN.

Lilian appeared, very pleased to see me, and very penitent, in spite of her peppery note, at the famous rue de Leipzig, where she had said she would never come again.

She looked very sweet in my eyes, and was dressed in a charming, simple costume of écru coutil, fitting closely over her well-made buttocks. She was very proud of her bottom, and I have seen her tighten her skirt over it, and show it to her stepfather, when her Mamma had left her with him and me, saying she was Venus Callipyge.

Lily pretended to be cross, but I bluntly told her what a little fool she was. She had been an hour late on the preceding occasion, and if any one ought to have lost their temper it should have been me and not her. She was perfectly ridiculous, with her jealousy and irritation, and finally I forced her to humbly beg my pardon. Then we kissed, as lovers had never kissed before. I half undressed her, and partly for fun, partly in earnest, slapped her, and pinched her, and pulled the black fleece that shaded her sex, making her suffer just a little.

I told her to come to me on the day when she was late, with the ribbon fastened to the hair on her mons Veneris, and she was also to have a great desire to make water, as she was not to “make herself comfortable” from the hour of rising. All this foolery she had done, and that is what she meant when she had said that she was ripe for me. This time, she had done none of these things, as she was annoyed with me. So I slapped her face. I frequently did so. I loved to see the slight patch of color follow the sting of my hand upon her cheek. After each smarting blow, I saw the light of lust in her eyes, and her ghoulish mouth cupped my lips, as if to thank me for the exquisite joy my chastisement aroused within her. I recurred to the idea of her being my footstool, and I threw her roughly onto her knees in front of me, as I sat on the sofa. Taking her head in my two hands, I pressed her laughing face between my trousered thighs and rubbed her nose and mouth brutally against the cloth, through which the eager staff seemed trying to escape. Then I let her drop full length on the carpet, lying on her back, her skirts all turned up and disordered, her drawers open. I kicked her with my booted feet, and turned her over with the toe of my boots, gently trampling on her naked belly. Lying thus at my mercy, she giggled, purred, and cooed, like a naked, happy baby after its bath. In the romp, some hairpins and combs had fallen from her luxuriant tresses and, gathering them up, I stabbed her thighs with the fine points, until she begged for mercy.

Then I pulled her up and made her take off my Russian leather lace-up boots, ordering her to kiss the soles and uppers. She did all I told her, and was happy to obey. Then I made her undress me, and she awkwardly performed the duties of a valet. Each garment, as she took it off, I ordered her to take across the room, hang it up, and return to me.

I commanded her to unbutton my trousers, fish out my member, and go on her knees and suck it. She was quite unabashed and would not have the curtains drawn. In the open daylight, we went naked to the bed. At the foot of it was the mirror of the wardrobe, and to her astonishment there was a looking glass in the ceiling of the couch. We both sated our sight with the view of both our bodies writhing on the bed, madly kissing and feeling each other, enjoying the sensation of the absolute contact of our sensual skins.

I asked her if she wanted to be licked, but she preferred me to masturbate her.